Yesterday was an emotional day for me.  I think the fact of adopting another dog and my brother calling me - I just didn't know how to react.  I want you to do that I am so very happy for my brother and his wife!  I know it is a wonderful thing.  Just made me take a look back on my life.  I am lucky in so many ways - but being drugged all the time I have not really dealt with anything emotional in years.  I feel like a 2 year old where emotions are concerned.  BUT I am doing better this morning.  I am not as down - just trying to take everything in.  Who knew a dog and baby could do this? lol  I read all your posts and I appreciate each and everyone of them.  You guys mean the world to me - you have no idea.  Today is pretty slow fortunately so I hope to get to see everyone.  

And Lisa thank you as always.  I know you cannot be on in the evenings but I did want to talk to you - I completely I understand but I was thinking I wish Lisa was on.  You always make me feel better.  mj is a angel too.  I swear she was sent by God last night! :)

Lots of hugs!

Shelby

Hi Shelby,

I replied to your post last night, and I also sent you 3 emails.

I know, that you got you nice, and restful sleep tonight!

God Bless You and talk to you soon!

Lots of Love to You!

Love,

Todd

I saw your posts and thank you so much!!  Thank you for coming here just to post that - you don't know how much I appreciate that!  I have not had a chance to check my email yet - going to right now!  I just wanted to let you all know first how much you have helped me and that I am doing ok.

I love you all!

God bless you sweet Todd!

Shelby

Well, you can email me anytime. I always have access to my email. I will certainly check it, and you can also call me. I put my email in the last post. Email me and I will email you back.

I, too, have been feeling the emotional baggage of the last three years. I feel that I didn't deal wtih my husbands death properly. Now that I am sober and thinking more clearly, its almost as if I am reliving last year. Its torture. Plus the fact that I am now dealing with all the rest of the havoc I managed to cause in my three year stint. I am dealing with the fact that I have managed to spend every last $ I had saved. I am dealing with all the relationship I managed to ruin in the last three years. I feel like it is all piling up. The only difference, is now, I have the strength to deal with them back. I want to right all my wrongs. And that is something I have not said in over three years.

Shelby, you will find your way. I am so very proud of you and truly do think of you often. I have a friend in Montana. I do wish we were closer.

Some days will be good, some will be bad, but most, form here on out....will be great!! You have a new start...a new beginning. The chance to do it again, the right way. That is how I look at it. I have every ounce of faith in you and faith that you will be fine. If you need me, I am here till 4, Eastern Time. Or , email me...

My thoughts and prayers are rested securely in you today my dear....

xo, Lisa

Hi Shelby,

I'm glad your feeling better today, even with less sleep!

But I was praying for you all last night!

You'll me in a Great and Bright Mood today!

God Bless You!

Lots of Love to you,

Todd

how ya feelin today, sweet pea?

gimme the low down...

;-)
mj

I emailed you two.

Love,

Shelby

mj you were so understanding last night!  Thank you so, so much!  

I am feeling better by the second.  You guys tend to have that affect on me! :)

I feel stronger everyday despite the setbacks - maybe that is the wrong word - my emotional experiences maybe? lol  It is sort of like I keep tripping, then I have to get up and dust myself off again.

I have thought about everything you said last night - I am going to start keeping a journal.  Get those things worked out inside me.  I am not going to make any life altering decisions anytime soon either.  I need to get better first and then I can think about what I want in life.

How are you doing sweetie?  Is this a good day for you?

Love,

Shelby

i think everything you just said is sooo smart.  and again, the journaling will help immensly.  i had a friend ask me "well, what do you write? i don't know what to write?"  and I said I just vomit out everything I am feeling.. I don't think about it, i just write!  and by the grace of God, there are even some times when i'm writing away, crying like a school girl (lol) and bing! (bing?) - well, anyway - the answer (if there is one) - just comes to me.  it really is such an amazing tool...

and i am well honey.  i just put on my walking clothes, a really stupid/funny t-shirt that a 42 year old woman shouldn't be wearing (i was never one much for convention..) so so far, so good!!!

i'm glad you're better... if it comes up again, please talk about it k? promise me it won't be held in...

xoxox
luv,
mj

I bet you are the life of any party!  You are too funny with your t-shirt. lol  Gave me a good laugh!

And then to say to vomit what comes out of your mind - never heard it put that way before!  God you crack me up! lol

How many days are you mj?  Not trying to be nosey - just hard to keep track of eveyone's day.  We should do a daily post - and everyone can post their days.  Somedays I can't even remember what day I am on! lol  I think it is 16.  Yes if yesterday was 15 then today would be 16. lol

Love,

Shelby

day 16? OMG - that is amazing. don't give up whatever you do... you know, if it gets to a point where you need human contact for support, do you have any AA or NA meetings marked and ready to go to, just in case?  I went to a few and i gotta tell ya, it was pretty cool.. (sorry if you may have talked about this before.)

I am on day 7, but had my 2-pill day slip on day 4 (but i'm still stickin' with day 7!!)  you know, i started taking a low dose of Welbutrin too, and i do think that is helping.  i was pretty dang depressed.

so.. day 7. yup, whoda thunk.

anyway - am leaving for a few hours, but i will be back!!!  and when i do get back, you let me know if you need anything, k?

xooxoxooxox
:)
me