Hi, this is my first post in this forum.
I don't really have a specific question but if I did, it would be "how can I quit using this stuff?", and to learn about that, I was just reading a number of comments and questions about codeine withdrawal, and actually it was somewhat comforting to read things from other people, things which I've experienced myself,because it gave me a sense of not being so alone with this codeine monkey.
I am 57 and a non-drinking "recovered" alcoholic. Alcohol was my big problem for many years but I quit it over a decade ago thanks to AA and a treatment center. However, I've kept taking codeine. As with many other people, it began "legitimately"  with a bad cough back in 1983, and a purchase of a codeine-containing cough syrup, which in this state is sold over the counter, but one has to sign for it and in fact, most pharmacies in this area are using a prescription-only policy.
     The two or three pharmacies that will sell it over the counter with a signature restrict its purchase, so that it is generally only possible for me to get two 4-oz bottles of the stuff a week, which is I think about 450 mg. codeine total per week, on average. I react very well to codeine and always have- I get some semi-euphoria, I geta pain-killing effect, and I am far more productive with codeine than without it. It doesn't make me nauseous or sleepy and never did even many years ago before I developed a tolerance and a habit. I still like the stuff, I have to admit; I just don't like the bondage to it and all the costs and driving and pretending that it seems is necessray to keep getting it.

So, I still like the feeling, of course. HOWEVER, if I go 3 days without it, on that third day I experience depression and fatigue and psychologically a lack of desire to do anything but stay in bed; I get irritable too. Usualy by the fourth or fifth day without it I can find a pharmacy to sell me another 4 ounces.

The particular pharmacist who is the one who is usually my best bet for buying it mpw insists (reasonably enough) that I limit the purchase to no more than one a week. Every time I get some, I think "I am going to quit this", but on the third or fourth day after that my body aches and all I can think of is how some codeine would make me feel relaxed, yet energetic, and pain-free.

I should add here that in the mid-1980's I had spinal surgery, and was prescribed tylenol with codeine, 30 mg per pill, for a few  months after the disc surgery, then the doc cut it off, but I continued to supply myself with codeine via buying the cough syrup.

So I don't have a real high-dose addiction, but definitely a "habit", or an addiction, and wish I didn't. I looked up this website to read about the withdrawal syndrome associated with codeine. I don't take enough of a dose to get the real horrors or sweats or shaking, I just get very depressed and lose all motivation when I don't take the stuff at least every three to five days. I'm glad it is not Tyleno#3, not because of the codeine but because I don't want to take acetomeniphen, expecially in the doses that #3 addicts have to take to get the needed codeine.

I DO have a chronic cough, and I DO have periodic pain in back or legs, but neither of those reasons explain why I've been taking this cough syrup containing codeine. The real reason is simply  that it makes me feel better, allows me to get up and go do things I need to do, has a physical and emotional traquilizing effect. But I don't want to tell the pharmacist that- even though he surely knows it. Its like a "don't ask, don't tell", situation: both the pharmacist and I quietly agree to the obvious fiction that I have a terrible cough that is bad enough to need narcotic cough medicine. But we both  know the truth, that I just have a codeine habit and that's the long and the short of it.

It's gotten to the point after all these years wher I can't easily envision a happy life without codeine. I feel that I would just be miserable without it, and not just for a few days but for a long time. Having that inner belief that "I can't quit" is very hard to overcome, but it might be the biggest factor keeping me habituated to the codeine. If I only believed I could live happily without it, it would make a big difference in the kind of efforts and commitment to quitting I could muster up. So I know I need to BELIEVE that it's possible. And I know is IS possible, with my logical mind, but my "emotional mind"- if there is such a thing- has me convinced that I'm just stuck and will probably use codeine until I die.  

   Physically it seems to have no significant bad effects, except some minor constipation and appetite suppression; but having the feeling of being a slave to the stuff bothers me, and also it is embarassing to keep going into pharmacies that know darn well I am there to get codeine for its drug effect, not cough relief.

I'm really glad I'm not addicted to meth or crack or heroin or alcohol, since codeine is relatively benign compared to those drugs. but is's still a back-monkey and a financial drain I can't easily afford.

    There, I've admitted it, that's a first step. I will continue to read the forum discussions about this problem, because it gives me hope as well as good advice, and also makes me realize that a lot of people have this problem, and that gives me some sense of a community of fellow sufferers. I know, from AA, that the fellowship/coommunity part of drug or alcohol recovery is so vitally important, and so am grateful that I can read here about the problems and solutions of other folks.

So I intent to keep coming back and reading here at this website and at others to continue to get info and advice and tips about this problem. Thanks to all who have written in thise forum pages about it. What you write may halp a stranger- like me, for example.

My other main problem is that I don't always know when to quit writing! So will end this post right here and then continue to read the experiences, etc. of others.
sincerely, "oldehippie"