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Triggers
I'm typing this more to vent than anything, but please bear with me.
I have known what one of my triggers are for awhile...my marriage. Last August, I found out my wife of 18 years was having an affair. Our marriage hadn't been very good and I damn sure wasn't a great husband by any stretch, but I had been loyal. Now, at first I said I wanted a divorce, but after a couple of weeks, I changed. Ego, my kids, I don't know why, but I did. She said she wanted to work things out and stay together.
However, I kept finding little things that told me she was still seeing him, but I wanted to believe the opposite so much that I overlooked it.
Until last Dec. I caught her over at his house. I had been trying to get her on the phone one evening, but couldn't. Instinct told me to go to his house. Her car wasn't out front, but I wasn't satisfied. I parked down the street and walked into his back yard. Saw a car, but it was so dark I couldn't make out the make and model, but I could read the tag and wrote down the number. I was worried about someone calling the cops, so I went back to my car. When I finally got her on the phone, she said she was at the mall buying me Christmas presents! She didn't know I already knew. I confirmed it when she came home and I verified the tag # I had written down was her--mine--car.
I actually caught her over there in Nov., but talked myself out of believing it was her. At that time, I didn't know she was parking in the back, but saw someone that resembled her walking on the side of his house. It was just a quick glimpse, and I talked myself into believing it wasn't her. Things at home seemed to be going so well.
Anyway, today she told me she was going to run some errands. I let her know I didn't appreciate it since it was Father's Day, and that I didn't believe where she was going. Yet, she insisted on going, and never said, "go with me or I'll stay home". That told me alot, and I waited a while, and drove over to his house. Sure enough, there was my Explorer, right in front! I was so shocked. Anyway, I went to the door, and knocked. Someone answered, but I don't think it was him. I asked for Jennifer, and she came out. I asked what she thought she was doing. No answer. I asked again, and she said she was leaving (there, not me). I said, no, don't come home. Went to her truck and tore a couple of spark plug wires, then left. Did I go get some pills? Absolutely. And I will get some more.
I won't be able to quit until I am out of this relationship, this I know. But, I am going to start a tapering schedule this week, and maybe in a couple of months I will be out of this relationship and be ready to quit.
What a Father's Day, eh?
I have known what one of my triggers are for awhile...my marriage. Last August, I found out my wife of 18 years was having an affair. Our marriage hadn't been very good and I damn sure wasn't a great husband by any stretch, but I had been loyal. Now, at first I said I wanted a divorce, but after a couple of weeks, I changed. Ego, my kids, I don't know why, but I did. She said she wanted to work things out and stay together.
However, I kept finding little things that told me she was still seeing him, but I wanted to believe the opposite so much that I overlooked it.
Until last Dec. I caught her over at his house. I had been trying to get her on the phone one evening, but couldn't. Instinct told me to go to his house. Her car wasn't out front, but I wasn't satisfied. I parked down the street and walked into his back yard. Saw a car, but it was so dark I couldn't make out the make and model, but I could read the tag and wrote down the number. I was worried about someone calling the cops, so I went back to my car. When I finally got her on the phone, she said she was at the mall buying me Christmas presents! She didn't know I already knew. I confirmed it when she came home and I verified the tag # I had written down was her--mine--car.
I actually caught her over there in Nov., but talked myself out of believing it was her. At that time, I didn't know she was parking in the back, but saw someone that resembled her walking on the side of his house. It was just a quick glimpse, and I talked myself into believing it wasn't her. Things at home seemed to be going so well.
Anyway, today she told me she was going to run some errands. I let her know I didn't appreciate it since it was Father's Day, and that I didn't believe where she was going. Yet, she insisted on going, and never said, "go with me or I'll stay home". That told me alot, and I waited a while, and drove over to his house. Sure enough, there was my Explorer, right in front! I was so shocked. Anyway, I went to the door, and knocked. Someone answered, but I don't think it was him. I asked for Jennifer, and she came out. I asked what she thought she was doing. No answer. I asked again, and she said she was leaving (there, not me). I said, no, don't come home. Went to her truck and tore a couple of spark plug wires, then left. Did I go get some pills? Absolutely. And I will get some more.
I won't be able to quit until I am out of this relationship, this I know. But, I am going to start a tapering schedule this week, and maybe in a couple of months I will be out of this relationship and be ready to quit.
What a Father's Day, eh?
This lady is not helping you at all. You know that she is doing things that she would absolutely divorce you for. I know you are hurting. You deserve the best life can offer, don't sell yourself short. Don't play into her game anymore and if she can't love you like you deserve, pray on it. I wish you the best my friend. I will probably get blasted but------you derserve more. Love is a two way street and she seems to only see the sign "One way only."
Tim
Tim
To do that is low down dirty, and on fathers day, its deplorable. In my book f---ing around is a deal breaker. I'm soooo sorry you are having a s h i t t y fathers day. I am here to talk to if you would like. Tell me you never beat her or anything abusive to run her in that direction.
Hi hon?
Not judging just sifting thru your post trying to find your own words to help you.
I see you have children. CHILDREN what a precious gift. Happy Father's day. Make this one count. I don't know what you are taking and it doesn't matter. I do know ONE thing you ARE TAKING....you are taking your life and the lives of your children for granted.
God just one chance to see my baby growing up and happy and MINE.
I lost her 3 days after her birth. Never even wanted to try again.
Some of us are in physical pain. You, my dear are in emotional pain and that is a huge burden to bear. BUT.... You CAN do this but only if you love yourself enough.
I hope you find the courage to do the right thing. Starting with taking the sparkplugs back so the kids can get to where they need to go.
I wish you lots of love and happiness. All of which can be found without pills. I speak from 40 years of experience of over 108 broken bones. I'm in constant panic and pain but I still try. I still feel for strangers. I feel for your children. My childhood was similiar.
-Shell
Not judging just sifting thru your post trying to find your own words to help you.
I see you have children. CHILDREN what a precious gift. Happy Father's day. Make this one count. I don't know what you are taking and it doesn't matter. I do know ONE thing you ARE TAKING....you are taking your life and the lives of your children for granted.
God just one chance to see my baby growing up and happy and MINE.
I lost her 3 days after her birth. Never even wanted to try again.
Some of us are in physical pain. You, my dear are in emotional pain and that is a huge burden to bear. BUT.... You CAN do this but only if you love yourself enough.
I hope you find the courage to do the right thing. Starting with taking the sparkplugs back so the kids can get to where they need to go.
I wish you lots of love and happiness. All of which can be found without pills. I speak from 40 years of experience of over 108 broken bones. I'm in constant panic and pain but I still try. I still feel for strangers. I feel for your children. My childhood was similiar.
-Shell
gosh buddy... i'm so sorry to hear that.
all i can say is, i've been in somewhat similar shoes. and on both fronts.. you will survive.
i promise.
:-(
mj
all i can say is, i've been in somewhat similar shoes. and on both fronts.. you will survive.
i promise.
:-(
mj
Addicted2Pain?????????? You've been here for a while and pretty much know me and pretty much KNOW THAT I CARE!!!!!! I'm a little on the emotional side right now in your favor... I'm mad as hell and feel like kicking the sh@t out of that squirt (the guy) and having a few choice words with your wife but I wont cause My luck, the guy would be 1) a police officer, 2) I'd probably use with you 3) we'd both go get drunk....
Hey dude! I feel for ya but I have to tell you that something emotional happened to me and I did use...I used Suboxone which just has a much better feel than the hydros... believe it or not! It's a real comfortable NORMAL.... (yes there is kind of a motivational high to it) IT ACTUALLY WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!! I don't recommend it to anyone but a guy that is actually using or is in serious WD's The normal good feeling you get from the pills is bunk compared to this... this is comfortable!
If you get some... wait at least 8 hours after your last opiate the try a quarter of a tab....(you're supposed to be in withdrawal symptomes, wait an hour... feel better take another quarter)... it is very powerful so step very slowly with it... I wouldn't take the time here unless I believed you would actually like this better than the opiates! AND I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT.
You can look up the suboxone website and find a doc in your area that can write a script for it... just let him know that you don't want to take anymore opiates... I got 16mgs a day and 12 is working for me! I am not BSING here that I would rather be on this than the opiates! Give it a shot.
Please don't missunderstand that I am not trying to push the use of this but if you are getting the opiates to use... use this instead...
Hey dude! I feel for ya but I have to tell you that something emotional happened to me and I did use...I used Suboxone which just has a much better feel than the hydros... believe it or not! It's a real comfortable NORMAL.... (yes there is kind of a motivational high to it) IT ACTUALLY WORKS LIKE A CHARM!!! I don't recommend it to anyone but a guy that is actually using or is in serious WD's The normal good feeling you get from the pills is bunk compared to this... this is comfortable!
If you get some... wait at least 8 hours after your last opiate the try a quarter of a tab....(you're supposed to be in withdrawal symptomes, wait an hour... feel better take another quarter)... it is very powerful so step very slowly with it... I wouldn't take the time here unless I believed you would actually like this better than the opiates! AND I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT.
You can look up the suboxone website and find a doc in your area that can write a script for it... just let him know that you don't want to take anymore opiates... I got 16mgs a day and 12 is working for me! I am not BSING here that I would rather be on this than the opiates! Give it a shot.
Please don't missunderstand that I am not trying to push the use of this but if you are getting the opiates to use... use this instead...
Wishing you all the VERY BEST. Even I don't know what that is. I know it's more than we have but not material and certainly not addiction or pills or pain.
I wont be back, nothing anyone said or did. Just feeling to confused and tired to try to understand.
I do hope you are all ok. Happy Father's day to all dads.
-Shell
I wont be back, nothing anyone said or did. Just feeling to confused and tired to try to understand.
I do hope you are all ok. Happy Father's day to all dads.
-Shell
Dear God, hun, I am so sorry!! Affairs are so very hurtful. My dad cheated on my mom when I was six, married the woman shortly after they divorced and twenty years later they are still married and happy, with my mom STILL feeling some effects from the divorce. I never push religion, and if I offend you, please let me know so it doesn't happen again, but I am a Christian, and I witnessed first-hand the power of prayer. If you ARE religious, ask the Lord to guide you through, to give you the knowledge you need to make the right decision, and tell the Lord that you are putting this in His hands.
Of course, it doesn't help right this minute, like today. You must be hurting so much!! I forget who posted this to you, but I loved it...they said, so your wife got the man, you got the pills, and your kids got??? It's so true. They NEED you right now, and that means they need a sober "you". The next few weeks will be tough no matter what you and your wife decide to do, and no matter how much you try to keep it from them, they'll know something is wrong. You HAVE to stay strong right now...have you been clean up until today? Can you give me a brief recent history? As parents, it is our JOB, it is IMPERATIVE, to be clean and sober and attentive and "there" for our kids. I am not AT ALL saying you aren't, just saying in general. That's what made me quit.
Sometimes I hate posting, because I'm scared I'll come of as harsh or lecturing when I am only talking, lol, but just want to clarify to you that I am NOT judging you. I am here for you.
Throw those pills down the toilet. If you don't, I'll still be here for you.
I just want to throw this in...I am only 26, and married ( been with my husband for 8 years). I am totally in love with him, and I would NEVER, EVER cheat. When you are truly in love, like TRULY in love, nothing could make you cheat. I don't care if the hottest, richest, best guy in the world came along. I just wouldn't do it. Nor, might I add, would I do that to my children. You have some tough questions to ask yourself, like, is my wife really in love with me??
If I fell out of love with my husband, I would divorce him and THEN date. If I was feeling the desire to cheat, I would closely examine my marriage. You have done nothing to deserve this, as long as you aren't abusive!!
Keep us posted through the night as to whats going on. Im here for you. love, em
Of course, it doesn't help right this minute, like today. You must be hurting so much!! I forget who posted this to you, but I loved it...they said, so your wife got the man, you got the pills, and your kids got??? It's so true. They NEED you right now, and that means they need a sober "you". The next few weeks will be tough no matter what you and your wife decide to do, and no matter how much you try to keep it from them, they'll know something is wrong. You HAVE to stay strong right now...have you been clean up until today? Can you give me a brief recent history? As parents, it is our JOB, it is IMPERATIVE, to be clean and sober and attentive and "there" for our kids. I am not AT ALL saying you aren't, just saying in general. That's what made me quit.
Sometimes I hate posting, because I'm scared I'll come of as harsh or lecturing when I am only talking, lol, but just want to clarify to you that I am NOT judging you. I am here for you.
Throw those pills down the toilet. If you don't, I'll still be here for you.
I just want to throw this in...I am only 26, and married ( been with my husband for 8 years). I am totally in love with him, and I would NEVER, EVER cheat. When you are truly in love, like TRULY in love, nothing could make you cheat. I don't care if the hottest, richest, best guy in the world came along. I just wouldn't do it. Nor, might I add, would I do that to my children. You have some tough questions to ask yourself, like, is my wife really in love with me??
If I fell out of love with my husband, I would divorce him and THEN date. If I was feeling the desire to cheat, I would closely examine my marriage. You have done nothing to deserve this, as long as you aren't abusive!!
Keep us posted through the night as to whats going on. Im here for you. love, em
I just wanted to add that you deserve better, and more out of life than what your wife is giving you. Without trust, your marriage won't work. You need to either find a way to forgive, get marriage counseling, and work it out, or leave. You HAVE to have trust. I have tons of guy friends...we talk on email, instant message, on the phone, and occasionally hang out ( never alone, which I would feel is inappropriate as it would be cause for speculation), and the same with my husband and girl friends of his. This is acceptable to both of us, and works in our marriage, because we have complete TRUST, and we communicate constantly. When something is bothering one of us, we say it, fix it, and its done. There would never be a need to cheat, because anything that is lacking in our marriage gets attention IMMEDIATELY.
My point to you: YOU DESERVE THAT TOO!!! Take care, hun!! love, em
My point to you: YOU DESERVE THAT TOO!!! Take care, hun!! love, em
Thanks, Tim!! I was scared I would come off as being judgemental!! Glad you didn't take it that way, hope noone else does. It just bothers me so much when people cheat. I just don't get it. It's the worst pain you could cause someone to experience. If you aren't happy, LEAVE. Dont put the other person through hell just because you aren't happy.
I agree with you and cheating is the end for me. My wife and I are annoyed at one another at the moment. I took a break and now am going to go back in the "lions den." Sometimes you need to take a breather and my wife and I will talk tonight. Enjoy your evening!!! You give good advice.
Tim
Tim
LOL, yes, marriage is full of those moments! It's normal, it's just what you do about that counts. Plus, you have/had a long day, with a house full of people, kids running around, really hot weather, etc. That doesn't help anything. Taking a breather is what works for me, too. If I speak when I'm irritated, it gets me NOWHERE, lol. Lived and learned. Take a few deep breaths, and then dive right back into your party!! TTYL
Thanks for the comments. They really do help. fish, I probably will end up going to a detox facility and then getting on suboxone. I've proven to myself time and again that I can't do this alone. I've said before, without explanation, that I wish I could turn to my wife for support. Well, now y'all know why. I'll have to wait a while on the detox though as I can't afford to miss work right now and plus that would just give my soon to be ex more ammo in a divorce.
For those that asked, no, I have never laid a hand on her. I was raised to respect women, and my mom did a good job. Sure wish she was alive today. :(
My kids are teens. My oldest works and has his own car. He'll be 18 in August. My youngest will be 16 in a week. For the one that mentioned, the hooker can fix her own damn car. My kids have transportation just fine. One of the reasons I am still married is because of my kids. I'm from a broken home, and have always said that come hell or high water that I wouldn't put my kids through that. I have 2 fantastic kids, and I sure don't want to put them through a divorce at this point when they've done so well for themselves. These next couple of years will greatly effect their long-term futures, and I'd just hate like hell to see them mess up now. Both will probably get academic scholarships to college if they continue on the paths they are on.
Don't know what I'm going to do the rest of the day. I'm not at home. I'm sure my wife and her b/f have her car fixed by now. All they have to do is buy a couple of spark plug wires. Tough shizit if they're having a hard time doing so. We were supposed to cook out tonight and celebrate Fathers Day. I just don't want to be around her right now. That's not fair to the kids, but I'm just not sure if I could keep my mouth shut, and us fighting in front of the kids sure won't be fair to them either.
I knew not to trust her, but I wanted things to work out so badly that I gave it my best shot. I was honestly so amazed that she was over there. Just blows me away, but like I said earlier, I kniew something was up. Why would she insist on going out, and not invite me, when she knew it was obviously bothering me? Apparently, her love for him is alot stronger than whatever feelings she has for me. :(
Oh well. Again, thanks for the replies. I will survive; I always do.
For those that asked, no, I have never laid a hand on her. I was raised to respect women, and my mom did a good job. Sure wish she was alive today. :(
My kids are teens. My oldest works and has his own car. He'll be 18 in August. My youngest will be 16 in a week. For the one that mentioned, the hooker can fix her own damn car. My kids have transportation just fine. One of the reasons I am still married is because of my kids. I'm from a broken home, and have always said that come hell or high water that I wouldn't put my kids through that. I have 2 fantastic kids, and I sure don't want to put them through a divorce at this point when they've done so well for themselves. These next couple of years will greatly effect their long-term futures, and I'd just hate like hell to see them mess up now. Both will probably get academic scholarships to college if they continue on the paths they are on.
Don't know what I'm going to do the rest of the day. I'm not at home. I'm sure my wife and her b/f have her car fixed by now. All they have to do is buy a couple of spark plug wires. Tough shizit if they're having a hard time doing so. We were supposed to cook out tonight and celebrate Fathers Day. I just don't want to be around her right now. That's not fair to the kids, but I'm just not sure if I could keep my mouth shut, and us fighting in front of the kids sure won't be fair to them either.
I knew not to trust her, but I wanted things to work out so badly that I gave it my best shot. I was honestly so amazed that she was over there. Just blows me away, but like I said earlier, I kniew something was up. Why would she insist on going out, and not invite me, when she knew it was obviously bothering me? Apparently, her love for him is alot stronger than whatever feelings she has for me. :(
Oh well. Again, thanks for the replies. I will survive; I always do.
You can get normal right now without having to go to detox... trust me on this... Suboxone makes like nothing happened. Now don't get me wrong, it's not the miracle drug I first thought it was when I first got on cause you're gonna have to get off of that too but, the levels are weirdly lower than is prescribed and no more illegal BS and all of that. I wouldn't be advising a person in other than your cercumstances.
Gotta run and pick out a movie...
I can't be on here as much as I used to cause my wife and the outpatient program people are getting on me for not spending enough time with the fam as opposed to being on here cause it's been about 4 hour a day here and there.
Love to all!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim
***@**** for A2P and other "good" people that I know from here.
Gotta run and pick out a movie...
I can't be on here as much as I used to cause my wife and the outpatient program people are getting on me for not spending enough time with the fam as opposed to being on here cause it's been about 4 hour a day here and there.
Love to all!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim
***@**** for A2P and other "good" people that I know from here.
I don't know what to say. Cheating is sooo cowardice. I mean it a person wants out then put the cards on the table, don't sneak around and lie.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you could have just picked your kids up and taken them out to dinner or something. Without her.
'
Maybe the fact that she got caught will give her a wakeup call. Maybe she'll think about what she wants to do. If she wants to go then she will need to do so. But maybe this will make her realize that she could lose her marriage and maybe she will agree to counseling or something.
Whichever way it goes, I am just hurt that you (or anyone) would have to suffer this type of pain.
Silver lining is that your kids are yours forever and they will never leave.
Emmy, has great advice.
tzt
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you could have just picked your kids up and taken them out to dinner or something. Without her.
'
Maybe the fact that she got caught will give her a wakeup call. Maybe she'll think about what she wants to do. If she wants to go then she will need to do so. But maybe this will make her realize that she could lose her marriage and maybe she will agree to counseling or something.
Whichever way it goes, I am just hurt that you (or anyone) would have to suffer this type of pain.
Silver lining is that your kids are yours forever and they will never leave.
Emmy, has great advice.
tzt
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