Hey everyone;
thanks for all your previous answers to my post about w/d. Gawd help me I was moving things around on my nitestand (where I keep my vicodin) and found a 'stray'... you'd have thought it was gold. I'm down to my last 2 (so now I have 3)
Finding you all is like a small miracle (I'm spiritual but not what you'd call religious). It's just that I'm struggling with what path to take right now.
I'm just starting working in health-care. It's been a lifelong passion (I'm in my forties). Unfortunately I have bursitis/arthritis in my left hip and after 4 hours on the shift I can barely walk. My dilema? I use 12 vicodin a day and have no impairment on it. Before you all say, 'yeah, right, we've all been to that river in Egypt' know that I'm also in school to get my nursing degree and I'm getting A's. So I'm high-functioning. I don't get much of a rush, maybe a 15 minute period where I'm thinking, "I feel good" and then it's gone. Without it, I hurt in my back, my hips, my knees. I'm not working right now because I have a new injury, poss. torn rotator cuff.
I honestly physically can't do my job without the pain meds. Know that I'm not dispensing meds,and I'm not putting patients at risk with the kind of work I do. At the same time, I have read the posts here and also identify with those who say if they have the pills, they take them. I don't take them on a schedule, I take them whenever. Usually 3 or 4 at a time. I am scared of my behavior, yet I'm not strong enough to go off, plus I wouldn't make it through a shift.
I can't talk to my MD about this; I'm stuck in military health insurance and I can't change docs either. I could ask to be sent to the pain clinic; they've had me on Fentanyl patches in the past, but Fentanyl doesn't help with the bursitis arthritis.
I really feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard place; I have to w/d starting tomorrow (Mon) but I can (and probably will) get more meds on Friday. How twisted is that? I have so many questions.
Thank goodness my husband is out of town this week. It won't be pretty. Sigh.
Any comments?