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Avatar universal

Exhausted!!!

My 25-year-old older sister is batteling an addiction to pain medication. I know she wants to stop and I am doing everything I can to help her. I am so tired and overwhelmed. I don't know what else to do. I know she can over come this!!! I have never doubted that for a minuet. I love her so much and I just want to support and help her through this time. I am running out of ideas and I am so exhausted. please help.
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Avatar universal
Welcome.......

I applaud your efforts even though they have been futile......

The addict stops using when something in their brain says to them "enough"

Nobody can predict when this happens it is a mystery......

Support is key when this happens but until it does ,,,well,,,,,sorry
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
i applaud your efforts in wanting to help your sister...and yes it will not happen until she says it will happen.   but do not give up your effort.   there have been many an addict...thrown into rehab....kicking and screaming the whole way...saying that they are not going to change...you cannot make me.   you think your efforts are worthless.   but sometimes things will change...they begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel...and THEY decide that it is time to change.

so what i am saying to you is to not give up the effort...you might be the very person that HELPS your sister see that light.   let her know AND feel that you support her recovery...not her addiction.   never...never give up on her...she is worth saving.

huggs,
kim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Becareful how our support there is a fine line between supporting or enabling someone.......

When it is a loved one the line even gets thinner........

Moms really walk a fine line because of their love for their children...they want their kids to be happy and enjoy the fruits of life.......

I also realize how hard it is for a mom to admit their kids have an addiction problem, it is also hard for them to let go until the addict is ready to listen and except their support.....

Tough love for a parent has to be the hardest thing a parent would ever imagine.......

I put my own mother through so much mental angish over the years and her way to fix was always to shower with love the fix all....
I abused that so bad.........
But it is that memory why today I bust my ass for my mom........
What ever she needs today from me I give without hestitation..........
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
If I had a sister in active addiction I would get her in to treatment, for as long as possible.  LONG TERM TREATMENT WORKS.

To the extent possible, I would get her into treatment whether she wanted it or not.  Many people say that you can not help an addict "until they want to stop" or until they "hit their bottom," etc.  THIS IS NOT TRUE.

The Recovery rates for those who are forced into treatment v. those who willingly seek treatment ARE EXACTLY THE SAME.  It's the fact of treatment and the length of treatment that make the difference, not the reason for the start of treatment.

I am example of someone who did not want treatment, but was forced into it by my wife.  Many people told her that she needed to wait until I "really wanted it" or that "maybe [I] just hadn't hit [my] bottom yet."  Through what I believe was the Grace of God, she had the wisdom to say - "He needs help.  He's in no condition to decide - if I wait for him to decide or to be ready, he'll just be dead."

That's one of the biggest problems with waiting for the active addict to figure out that they don't want to live like that anymore: before they reach that point on their own, a great many will die or go to prison.  Every day in active addiction presents the risk of jails, institutions and death.  And every day that risk increases.

I absolutely did not want to quit.  At the end I had finally put a 35-40 10/500 hydro habit down in favor of a crack stem.  I literally wanted to suck on that stem until the end.  I didn't give a damn about anything or anyone.  I wanted my crack - end of story.

It was my 79 year old mother who actually dropped me off at the rehab (my 2nd in 6 months - first time I kept the crack use hidden, everyone thought it was "just" the hydro).  As we were pulling up she said "Well, I hope you really want to stop for good this time."  I looked her right in the eye (a rare thing for me in those days) and replied: "You don't get it.  You really don't get it, do you?  I DON'T WANT TO STOP AT ALL.  I WISH I HAD SOME MORE CRACK RIGHT NOW.  She burst in to tears, which annoyed me to NO END. I remember telling her: "Oh great, I've got to listen to your F-ing sobbing AGAIN!!  I don't need this ****, I NEED MY CRACK!!!!"   I actually said that to my mother.  Imagine.

That was 2 years, 1 week and 4 days ago.  I've been 100% clean and sober since.  If I had waited until I "really wanted to stop," I'd be dead now.  Instead, I lived and got a chance to make amends with my mother.  I got the chance to live amends to my wife and four kids.  If that was all I got out of treatment it would have been worth it, but I got much, much more.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i'm so sorry.. you know, this strikes a cord because one of my older sisters calls me "baby sister."

i think Beach nailed it - she really has to want to get the help.  I'm not saying give up, but you cannot make her go, you cannot make her quit.  the best thing someone did for me (a good friend, who has been in recovery for 5+ years) - anyway, when i told her the extent of the problem i was "glossing" over for awhile, she said "i know.  let's get help.  i'll do whatever you need, i'll take you."

,,, the words she said literally, didn't matter (not enough coffee yet - sorry - hope i'm being clear) but my point is let her know how very much you will be there for her, and every step of the way if she chooses to quit, and she CAN quit, etc... but until she's ready, you'll only be wasting your breath to hound her or bring it up every day.

she has to choose this.  but knowing she has someone to hold her hand through it and help her when she's ready will make it alot less scary, hopefully, for when she is ready.

good luck to you and your sister..
warmly,
mj
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Avatar universal
wow.  how did your wife force you to go?  did she threaten to leave?
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
Well, as soon as she found out that I had relapsed she:

- Kicked me out of the house;
- Filed a domestic petition seeking sole custody of the kids and the house;
- Called the State Bar's committee on alcohol/substance abuse;
- Called a federal judge who was a long-time family friend and in front of whom I did a lot of work (he had been wondering why I had stopped appearing in person);
- Called my two closest friends (who had been wondering why I had dropped off the map;
- Closed our bank account and opened a new one in her name only;
- Cancelled our joint credit cards;

In short, she cut me off from everyone and everything, leaving me no option but to go along with her "suggestion" that I go back to treatment, this time for as "long as it takes."  

I didn't fold immediately - I stayed at my office for a week before I agreed one Tuesday (under increasing pressure from the Bar and the Judge) to go to rehab.  Then, I was able to convince them all that I needed to wait until the next Monday because I "just had to finish this one project."  All I did during those 13 days was smoke crack - almost 24 hours a day, sleeping less than 8 hours that whole time.  

Anyway, my options and time finally ran out - I may have been in denial, but I knew that "my crack friends" wouldn't carry me for a minute.  Dedicated to the end, I got popped by the TSA trying to take my stem and an 8-Ball on to the airplane.  Somehow the cops decided to let me go on to rehab and they released me to catch a later flight.  Having seen the error of my ways, I took a taxi to my dealer's, smoked it up for 2 more hours and then went back for my plane carrying "only" a few grams of powder with me.

At the risk of a gross understatement, I will say that I was not too pleased with with my wife during all of this.  As I saw it, she was ruining my life.  It didn't take too long, however, before she became my hero.  Her tough-as-nails stance is the ONLY thing that saved my life and our family.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well thank God for your wife, and thank God for your sobriety.  too be in it that deep, and to be where you are now - wow.  that's really great, buddy... you are a blessed man.

you know, with baby sister, all i can say is, i hadn't gone down as far as you, but my friends had voiced concern.  i just didn't stop until i felt miserable enough.  so maybe depending on the depth of the addiction depends on how someone gets clean.  you were going to lose everything.  i wasn't there YET - so i'm not sure i could have been forced.

it's a tough one.  but buddy - my God - what a success story you are! that's really wonderful to hear.. i mean, you know - the NOW part! :)  and thx for sharing all of that...


baby sister - what does your sister say about it to you?

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I guess I should explain a little better. My sister has been taking 15-20 plus vicodin a day for the last couple years. A couple month ago everything just started falling apart in her world. She decided then that she wanted to get clean. So she moved in with me to get away from all of her old contacts and what not 3 months ago and ever since then she has been working very hard to overcome this.

I don't know what I am doing. I have been learning as I go along by reading about stuff and talking to people and what not. She is down to only 3-4 pills a day. And we have been working really hard to pick up all of the different pieces of her life as well. There is a lot of emotional drama and hard stuff that has gone on in my family that I won't waste you time with... we have been working really hard to start healing those old wounds amoung others.

I guess I just don't know where to go from here...

We have been working so hard to each day / each week take less and less and now it looks like we are getting close.

Is 3-4 a day a low enough dose that she should start trying to go completely off or do we need to go down to 1 a day before we can do that?

Is there anything that can help with the withdraws? Night time is the worst!

Where do we go from here?  
Helpful - 0
52704 tn?1387020797
She needs to address he brain chemistry - take a look at the books: End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant; Seven Weeks to Sobriety, by Joan Larsen; and/or The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross.

She also needs to address general Recovery and relapse prevention issues - take a look at: Staying Sober, by Gorksi & Miller; and/or Staying Clean and Sober, by Miller & Miller.  Also get AA's Big Book and/or NA's Basic Text.

It would be a GREAT idea for her to start attending AA and/or NA meeting - a lot at first.  The recommended beginning level is "90 meetings in 90 days."  When I was first getting clean I went to 300+ meetings in the first 240 days.  I still average 5 meetings a week.

I would suggest extending the taper -- slowly moving toward 1 pill a day (1/2 am & 1/2 pm), the 1/2 a day (1/4 am & 1/4 pm), while you get her on the nutrients recommended by the first group of books above.  At the same time it is very important for her to develope good lifestyle habits in the area of good eating, exercise and sleeping.

Finally, when it's all said and done, I believe that Recovery is primarily a spiritual experience.  There will be a lot of reference to this in most Recovery books - certainly a lot in the Big Book and Basic Text.  It would help if she worked on this area of her life.  The book that was given to me when I first got home from rehab was The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning: Books: Ernest Kurtz.
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Avatar universal
if she is down to 3 or 4, personally, i think she should just go cold turkey now, and gut it out.  alot of us did that, and we were taking more when we went cold turkey.

i also suggest she get on this forum as well.. it will really help her to speak about everything she is going through.

as well, with all of the chaos in addition to the addiction, that's ALOT.  is she in any support group(s)?  if she is not, i strongly encourage that she joins one.

have her read about the physical c/t withdrawals on here.  while they ARE miserabel, we all got through 'em....  every day gets better.

and the sooner she is off, the sooner you both get your lives back.  and the drama you are having won't be so... BIG to her.

i sure hope that makes sense...

good luck to you...

warmly,
mj
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
unless you were taken to rehab in handcuffs,and locked up then you did make the choice, no matter the amount of pressure put on you. I"ve known many people over the years that gave up all those things that you were threatend with losing and still made the choice to leave it all and use
Helpful - 0
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