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Need Help this Morning, Day 10, and Things Aren't Looking So Good
Morning, I won't say its good, its not, but I hope yours is. Well, its day 10, part 2, of c/t w/d from methadone, and its no better than day 6 it seems. I never seen the Mac truck that hit me last night, but I am sure it did, because I every bone in my body is aching, and my headache ache is back this morning, like "Die Hard with a Vengeance," my ears got ringing in them, sounds like crickets, and I am beginning to get a bit depressed from it all. I got very little sleep last night, and what I done mostly was toss and turn, and try to keep the gnawer's and leg snakes away. It was so bad, i ran my wife out of bad and she went and slept on the couch, because of my tossing and turning. I tried to make it better by taking a potassium pill, and a muscle relaxer, but it didn't seem to help much. This morning my stomach is is an uproar, and I took a Ranitidine to hopefully settle it down. My vision is messed up again this morning again, and my left eye feels like some one jabbed me in it with a sharp stick. I broke down this morning, and took one Hydro, and one Tramadol just to make the pain subside. I had to, it was just to intense, not sure that was the right thing to do, but I did. My 55 year old body just needed some relief. I am getting weaker as the week goes on, and as i get weaker, my shakes get worse, not just in my legs, but in my arms and hands too.
I haven't called any of my doctors and told them what I am doing, I just done it. I am not even sure how they would react, and I am kind of afraid to call and say anything, or ask for any help. The VA isn't to caring, and I am not sure they would do anything if I did call, or if they even can. I mean I have potassium, vitamins and stomach med, and I am probably already to far along for Sub, even if they would give it to me.
I know I am getting awful tired of this ride, and even though I hate the meth, those bottles filled with hundreds of pills is looking pretty inviting this morning. I surely don't want to go back on it, but I know i can't go many more days like this.
How much longer is this ride? I thought after 10 days it would be be better , but its not. What about calling my doctors, what do I say, what can they do for me, at this point? Its getting pretty lonely here, and I don't know what to do, all my positive thinking is beginning to erode. Any suggestions will be appreciated, any good news would perk my hope up a bit. I am just needing some encouraging words. Any help will be appreciated.
As always, thanks in advance, and hope you all are having a better day.
Ren
I haven't called any of my doctors and told them what I am doing, I just done it. I am not even sure how they would react, and I am kind of afraid to call and say anything, or ask for any help. The VA isn't to caring, and I am not sure they would do anything if I did call, or if they even can. I mean I have potassium, vitamins and stomach med, and I am probably already to far along for Sub, even if they would give it to me.
I know I am getting awful tired of this ride, and even though I hate the meth, those bottles filled with hundreds of pills is looking pretty inviting this morning. I surely don't want to go back on it, but I know i can't go many more days like this.
How much longer is this ride? I thought after 10 days it would be be better , but its not. What about calling my doctors, what do I say, what can they do for me, at this point? Its getting pretty lonely here, and I don't know what to do, all my positive thinking is beginning to erode. Any suggestions will be appreciated, any good news would perk my hope up a bit. I am just needing some encouraging words. Any help will be appreciated.
As always, thanks in advance, and hope you all are having a better day.
Ren
i went 20+ days feeling chit and zero sleep, hardest thing ive EVER done, but im 35+ days completely clean now, i feel like a million dollars.......well 1000 maybe :)
what choice do you have? stay on the pills or get clean?
go take a hot bath / shower, some ibuprofen and hold on.
it gets easier..........
slowly.
what choice do you have? stay on the pills or get clean?
go take a hot bath / shower, some ibuprofen and hold on.
it gets easier..........
slowly.
I first off want to thank you for your sevice to our country.
I know how hard this is and it is an emotional rollercoaster that we just want to get off. Justlikeme gives me so much hope that things will get much better. You are doing the best you can and just hold on to that thought. It is a huge step to want to stop this madness. I am cheering you on and although I feel weak today it will pass.
God Bless,
Tim
I know how hard this is and it is an emotional rollercoaster that we just want to get off. Justlikeme gives me so much hope that things will get much better. You are doing the best you can and just hold on to that thought. It is a huge step to want to stop this madness. I am cheering you on and although I feel weak today it will pass.
God Bless,
Tim
Goodmorning to you.....
I wish I had some magic words that I could say that would make your life better and take away the burdon of recovery that is ahead of you but there is no words......
I know exactly how you felt while posting, I have been there......
I know how your body feels and how your brain is going frigging crazy......
I also know that the thought of using is very high on your list right now......
I commend you for doing this on your own the risks to relapse are high.......
Methodone is no joke it is very addictive.......thats why when people post here about Methodone I get a little angry......I was also given Methodone and bought Methodone at the clinic from other addicts.......
I can still taste it like it was yesterday even talking about it now with 19 months clean I still remember it so well........
Your detox is going to be hell and it is going to hurt you both physically and mentally.....
Another truth is after the detox is over the craving will still loom large in your brain and it is very important to get some help with that N/A meetings are very good for that......if you don't want to share you don't have to or open speakers is another option....you will find out that there are millions of people out there suffering just like you, your not alone.......
A drug conselor works very well too.......someone to talk to about how you feel is important.....
We all think were in power of our selves but as addicts the drugs have the power.....they even alter the way the brain operates and you have to change that to get to recovery and not use....
Sorry if my words are not what you wanted to hear but I was there and after many failed attempts I finally found my way out......its hard work and even harder to stay clean.......
When will it end, it won't you are an addict for life only clean time and allowing your brain to heal will bring you back and this will take time.....
As addicts we want instant healing, instant gradification........but in the real world it does not work that way.....the things that are truly good in this world are hard....keep fighting..believe it or not it is possible to get your life back....
I wish I had some magic words that I could say that would make your life better and take away the burdon of recovery that is ahead of you but there is no words......
I know exactly how you felt while posting, I have been there......
I know how your body feels and how your brain is going frigging crazy......
I also know that the thought of using is very high on your list right now......
I commend you for doing this on your own the risks to relapse are high.......
Methodone is no joke it is very addictive.......thats why when people post here about Methodone I get a little angry......I was also given Methodone and bought Methodone at the clinic from other addicts.......
I can still taste it like it was yesterday even talking about it now with 19 months clean I still remember it so well........
Your detox is going to be hell and it is going to hurt you both physically and mentally.....
Another truth is after the detox is over the craving will still loom large in your brain and it is very important to get some help with that N/A meetings are very good for that......if you don't want to share you don't have to or open speakers is another option....you will find out that there are millions of people out there suffering just like you, your not alone.......
A drug conselor works very well too.......someone to talk to about how you feel is important.....
We all think were in power of our selves but as addicts the drugs have the power.....they even alter the way the brain operates and you have to change that to get to recovery and not use....
Sorry if my words are not what you wanted to hear but I was there and after many failed attempts I finally found my way out......its hard work and even harder to stay clean.......
When will it end, it won't you are an addict for life only clean time and allowing your brain to heal will bring you back and this will take time.....
As addicts we want instant healing, instant gradification........but in the real world it does not work that way.....the things that are truly good in this world are hard....keep fighting..believe it or not it is possible to get your life back....
Just, Thanks for words of encouragement. You are right there is no other choices, I want this monster of my back more than words can tell. I just had a bad night, and it was working on my head. I am feeling a bit better now, and I am trying to screw my head back on straight, must have just crossed some threads. Also must say congrats to you, on your success, glad you are feeling much better, I know I can find some reason for hope in your success. Thx.
Tim thanks for the cheers, and words of encouragement. As for my service, it was an honor for me to serve, and had I not gotten hurt, I would still be in there, and probably in the war somewhere. I loved the Army, and will never regrat one day of my service - a total of 18 years.
Thanks again to both of you, and I wish you both the very best.
Ren
Tim thanks for the cheers, and words of encouragement. As for my service, it was an honor for me to serve, and had I not gotten hurt, I would still be in there, and probably in the war somewhere. I loved the Army, and will never regrat one day of my service - a total of 18 years.
Thanks again to both of you, and I wish you both the very best.
Ren
Oh sweetie...it will get easier. If your desire is to get off of the pills, then do not stop. I beg you. It will be this, all over again, if you do. I have been there so many times.
The worst of it is over. And although there will be symptoms here and there and your energy levels will not be where you want, but the worst is over. I can't stress it enough. Each day will get better. For me, I was taking about 1000mg of Oxy Contin a day, and day 10 was as worse as day 2...but it did get better and better. Now I am on day 30, with no w/d symptoms except for lack of energy. That is it. I would say that by day 20, I had pretty much no more w/d at all. Every day did get easier and easier. It all depends. When I was in my worst W/D, I thought I would die, but I did it, then when it got easier, I still complained. Its our need to feel normal again, so quickly, after the drugs. We, as addicts, figure if we are not on the drugs anymore, then W/D should come and go and we should go back to normal. But we trick our minds so badly from the drugs. For me, I was an addict for three years straight..SO I put a hurtin on my body and mind. It is a long and tough road. But you can do it...Call your Dr and tell him what you are doing and what you are feeling, he will help you....
Good Luck, Lisa
The worst of it is over. And although there will be symptoms here and there and your energy levels will not be where you want, but the worst is over. I can't stress it enough. Each day will get better. For me, I was taking about 1000mg of Oxy Contin a day, and day 10 was as worse as day 2...but it did get better and better. Now I am on day 30, with no w/d symptoms except for lack of energy. That is it. I would say that by day 20, I had pretty much no more w/d at all. Every day did get easier and easier. It all depends. When I was in my worst W/D, I thought I would die, but I did it, then when it got easier, I still complained. Its our need to feel normal again, so quickly, after the drugs. We, as addicts, figure if we are not on the drugs anymore, then W/D should come and go and we should go back to normal. But we trick our minds so badly from the drugs. For me, I was an addict for three years straight..SO I put a hurtin on my body and mind. It is a long and tough road. But you can do it...Call your Dr and tell him what you are doing and what you are feeling, he will help you....
Good Luck, Lisa
Thanks for all you information, I know what you say is true, and in someways it applies to me. I also am a bit different than you, I never did like the methadone, in fact I never once looked forward to taking another pill, and many times I would forget to take it until I started into low grade withdrawals. I never once got "high" off of it, or took it just to take it. I took it for pain, and the pain was intense, my spinal cord was being cut in three places, and I lost the ability to walk unsupported. Then last year, a man very dear to my heart, and a great neurosurgeon fixed me. In fact the surgery was so successful that I am now able to do just about anything i want to, though I haven't tried skydiving, because of the possibility for a hard landing, but I would love to do it again. I went through constant pain for over 28 years. In that time, I have been on every pain remedy know to man I think, from the light stuff, through all the medium stuff, and on to durigesic patches, fentenal patches, morphine, oxys, and methadone. My addiction in this case is not mental, only physical, I have no desire to take it, and can't wait to be free of it.
I went off the morphine after 5 years, just like I am this methadone, I never even wanted another one, in fact I threw away hundreds, because I knew I would never need want them again, I hated how they made me feel, just as I do the methadone. I never felt good on it, it just relieved the pain to a tolerable level. I know I can and will do it, it was just that I was having a weak moment and needed some encouragement. I am just getting tired, and I am not as young as I was when I went off morphine, I was in my 40's yet then, and know I can do this, I was wondering more how long the actually withdrawals take because it seems to me that getting off morphine was easier than this ****. Like I said though it is probably my age, that is effecting it and making it more intense.
Oh, I might add that I never went on the morphine for a long time after I got off the morphine, in fact I was of all narcos for over a year, and then had to go back because of a fall which reinjured an area of my neck that had been injured prior, and that caused the cutting on my spinal cord. There is no love loss between me and narcos.
Thanks for your time, and i wish you the best. I hope for your sake and well being that you never go back on these monsters again.
Ren
I went off the morphine after 5 years, just like I am this methadone, I never even wanted another one, in fact I threw away hundreds, because I knew I would never need want them again, I hated how they made me feel, just as I do the methadone. I never felt good on it, it just relieved the pain to a tolerable level. I know I can and will do it, it was just that I was having a weak moment and needed some encouragement. I am just getting tired, and I am not as young as I was when I went off morphine, I was in my 40's yet then, and know I can do this, I was wondering more how long the actually withdrawals take because it seems to me that getting off morphine was easier than this ****. Like I said though it is probably my age, that is effecting it and making it more intense.
Oh, I might add that I never went on the morphine for a long time after I got off the morphine, in fact I was of all narcos for over a year, and then had to go back because of a fall which reinjured an area of my neck that had been injured prior, and that caused the cutting on my spinal cord. There is no love loss between me and narcos.
Thanks for your time, and i wish you the best. I hope for your sake and well being that you never go back on these monsters again.
Ren
We all know what you are feeling - it is so hard to make the right choice, especially when you do not get enough sleep. Sounds like you are slowly coming around this morning and that is good! Just stay with us until you feel like you are not going to use or come back here if you get weak again.
All my best to you!
Shelby
All my best to you!
Shelby
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