first off, CONGRATS to you.  that is amazing and so great to hear...

shelby and i were talking about that last night - how ugly everything was when you're taking the pills - no matter how legitamate the reason.. your whole life goes grey and ugly.

i too, felt so strong before the mess.  i became this person i didn't even know..

your post is a real inspiration and i'm SO GLAD at day 35 it can feel that good!!  i'm day 12 and i've already had some glimmers... and i will say, those glimmers were better than any high i ever got...

thank you again. and congrats to you... hope you are proud of yourself.

warmly,
mj

Congratulations!  I know EXACTLY the feeling you're talking about.  When I was still in active addiction I felt like a 99 year old man almost all of the time - a flight of just several stairs was MURDER.  I had been strong and unstoppable my whole life and I just could not figure out what in the hell was going on (couldn't have been the pills - they made we feel good - I NEEDED the pills).

I now have back what I lost and more.  I just turned 49 on Monday and I'm in better shape now than I've been at anytime in the last 30 years.  I'm not quite back to where I was when I finished Marine Corps Boot Camp at age 18, but I'm clearly in better shape than when I was just on active duty afterwards.

One word of caution:  Be VERY careful about the notion that "it would take a team of wild horses to make [you] start taking pills again."  That's a very easy thing to believe when you're at day 35 and you're feeling good for the first time in a long time.  I said the same thing myself - more than a few times.  

The truth for most addicts in Recovery is that they are at risk of relapse at any time, for any reason or for no reason.  This risk seems to drop with time, but it rarely goes to zero.  You should expect that you're going to be hit with the urge, sooner or later (probably sooner), to take "just a little bit - just this one time" - or something like that.  The idea will come out of nowhere and it won't sound ANYTHING like a return to how it was (that would be crazy, right?) - it will sound reasonable and measured and controlled.  After all, you've learned your lesson, haven't you?

If you haven't already, read up on PAWS.  A good place to start is Gorski and Miller's "Staying Sober."  The PAWS chapter is available on-line at:
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm

You will be much safer from the disease of addiction if you keep it in your mind that you will be tempted to use again, but that if you use (at all) you will return to full blow active addiction whether you want to or not.

The one-day-at-a-time thing really is important.  Not just for getting through those days when you think you can't make it, but also for those days when you think you've beaten the beast.

Hooray for you. 35 days, that is so awesome. I am on day 30 and starting to regain some energy. I can remember, back to before my three year stint, I could wake up at 6, clean my entire house, go to the gym for two hours and still have energy to do whatever. While on oxy's, I couldn't wake up before 10 and when I did wake up, I had to take 5/80mg pills to even get out of my bed. I had no energy and no desire to do a thing.

I am proud of you. I pray that you will continue on this path. Its a new world, isn't it. It is funny, what you let go when you are under "the spell"...lol..

xoxo, Lisa