My wife gave me some valium (20 mg) this morning to help with the cravings. I was really going out of my mind. She is vey conservative and told me she will help me with my cravings for a week. This seemed to help me today. I know that is a large dose for some but I am 6'3" tall and have a high tolerance even before my drug abuse. I am not pushing this at all, just wanted to let you know that right now it has helped. No craving at all and it has been the worst battle for me. I went on line again yesterday to get more pills and the drug co was pushes for re-order. I told them no and just burned that bridge. I am taking B6 now and took trazodone last night for sleep. I am so much calmer right now and think I will take the kids to my fav restaurant in Bass River. Of course, it is a seafood restaurant and I want a lobster roll with fries, heh heh. I could eat lobster all day long. I hope all are doing well and finding their own niche to get through this. I guess I knew it would not be easy. I don't suggest following in my footsteps because it is different for all. I am not a fan of benzos and hydro was my sweet darlin. It is so hard to let her go and she is always calling to me. I will still keep on fighting this because truth be told, my mind is much clearer. My wife has done a 360 in regards to my abuse and that make all the difference. Thanks for reading my post. I know a few weeks ago when I was going through my worst of w/d's and made the mistake of drinking, I hurt a lot of people. I can't expect forgiveness and don't know if I would have forgiven. I hope that I would have, because if not, I would be a hyprocrite. I am so far from perfect and I really don't know anyone that is perfect. Jesus is perfect and I am trying to get more in touch with my faith. I know some members don't care for the inspirational poems, uplifting jokes and other comments made. I need the poems, joke and believe it gives me a moment of clarity and makes me laugh. You will never find me reporting or complaining about others posts, unless they are cruel and directed to a certain individual. I learned that when I lash out at someone, it hurts me just as much. I am still so new in my recovery and trying to take a day at a time. I can not look to tomorrow, I noticed it makes the cravings worse. When i read that someone just got a new bottle filled, I still feel so envious. I find it tough not to want to be in their shoes. It is human nature to anyone that is addicted to any drug.

God Bless,
Tim