hi sweet pea.. i miss you too!!!

i had a rough one this weekend too... was in ALOT of pain and took some pills.  i just couldn't take the pain anymore....  but i was reminded i can't have them here.  i probably could have gotten away with taking 4 maybe, and instead i took more... was sick, scared, and flushed the rest.  it's the only thing (not havving them here) that prevents me from taking them.

i'm sorry you are still struggling too.  i know it's been said before, but not having them around really does help.  you definitely jones for it, but it does pass after awhile...

when you're ready....

sorry i haven't been posting much either.  it's part of the back thing - the more i sit here, the worse it hurts.  and of course, i am gettign 3 different opinions on what to do from my doc's.  what to do...  right now, i'm going to wait until the "fog is clear" (i still feel the effects from the pills) and once i know i am feeling REALLY clear again, i think i'll make a better decision.

all i can tell you is having gone 15 days before this weekend, i felt like a million bucks.  if you CAN, it's worth a shot. feeling that way was better than all the pills in the world.

just tossing it out there.  when you want to do that, you will.  in the meantime, you are fighting the good fight - by being here, and wanting to get off of them.  DON'T FORGET THAT!!!!

xoxoxox - miss and luv you honey,
xox
me

Oh girl, i am so very sorry about your back. I hope you get feeling better real soon - has to be real tough on you with all that you're going through right now, just another thing for you to deal with. I am sure with all the pain, that taking a pill is hard to say NO to. You are such a strong chicky pooh and i know you will pull through.

This is a very hard thing we are going through, and i know we gotta stay strong and keep reminding ourselfs all the good that will come out of this in the end. I just keep asking myself whenis it going to be the end? I know it takes time and will be well worth it, but dang girl, this just SUCKS!!!

When i took them pills this weekend, the part i hated the most was that "I liked them"  and this scares me, i told myself when i took them that i was going to hate the feeling it gave to me, and i was so determined that it was not going to be the same as before, but for some reason it was. Oh well, i need to stay focused and try again, this is all we can do, right?

Anyways i am so glad you are here right now, i know you can't be here for a long period of time, but for now it's nice to have ya....

~~~Feel Better Girl~~~~

I will be here for another hour or so, then going to try and get some sleep.
So if you are going to be here for a bit, let me know, so i can chat with ya awhile...

Luv ya hun
xoxoxo
Me

ah honey, i understand.  although i bet the next time ya take a few, it ain't going to feel the same.. and your life really DOES go on hold, now matter how good that high feels in the moment.

it's immediate gratification, which - as we know - doesn't bring long term JOY.  you know what i mean...

i will try to write more in a bit, but the ol back... you know.

regardless, know that i love you, and I TRULY BELIEVE IN YOU.  Truly.

You are good... good in the soul.  And that will prevail.  :-)

xoxox
all my luv,
me

Thanks Sweetie...You mean so much to me, i truely mean that...I understand about your ol' back, has to be hard on you. I am sure it will get better when you decide to make that decision on what to do with it...Keep me informed so i know how and what you decide, do they want to do surgery? Or what are the options they are giving you?

I am only going to be here for about 5 more min. or so, i took my sleeping pills, so i know they will be kicking in real soon...

I willl be on here tomorrow morning for a little while, so if i don't hear back from you tonight before i hit the sack, maybe i will catch up with you then. Let me know what your options are for your back, ok.

Take it easy girl, and TAKE CARE OF THE BACK... ( :

Love you
xoxo
Me

Hi girls!

I just wanted to stop by and tell you guys that I am thinking of you and miss you!  Today was so busy at work - I ate lunch while working.  I cannot believe I actually made it through and had a little energy left.  I am not trying to brag here either - I just want you guys to see what you have to look forward to.  I am tired now of course but I think I am getting more towards the "normal" tired if you know what I mean.

MJ - I am sorry your Docs cannot agree on a treatment - that has to be hard.  I thought you were going to get an epideral (sp?).  I am praying for you sweetie and I think so much!  

Hopeless - I hope you are doing better after the weekend.  I know that was a tough situation to be in.  Girl you are braver then me - my husband does not even know I am an addict - there are reasons but too personal for the board! lol

I love you guys! I should get caught up with things tomorrow at work.  I will be on tomorrow evening at the latest.  

You guys are going to get this far if I have to pull you with me!

Hugs!

xoxox

Shel

ah honey - who's my girl!!???

NO WORRIES!!  honestly, the better i feel (at least until this weekend :-/  )  actually - including Sunday even - you just wannt get stuff DONE.  you are tired of sitting on you a**!!!!

i do get it...

i luv luv luv you, and if not later, we will definitely "speak" more tomorrow.

I am SO happy you are doing so well...  SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!  LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, SHELBY!!!!

xoxoooxo,
luv,
me!

Hey hun, I am so glad to hear that the days are getting better and brighter for you.

Let me tell you something girl, you say your hubby doesn't even know you are an addict, well then that only means one thing, "GIRL YOU ARE ONE TOUGH COOKIE" going through this when you are married and having to hide it all is "very brave....I couldn't even imagine going through what i did and am still going through having to hide it from my hubby...God that would be so hard...So let me tell ya again "Girl you Rock"!!! I am sorry for sounding this way, but really i couldn't even imagine having to hide this...I do hide it from the rest of my family, but i don't live with them so it is easy... You are one tough gal...

I miss you guys so much, i understand we all have our own lives to live and are very busy, Just miss all of us being here like before, It has helped me in so many ways...


I took my sleeping pill a lil bit ago, and oh boy, it's kicking in...Makes me see things that aren't really here and vvvaaavvvaarrooommmmmmmm it sometimes is just as good as taking one of those nasty pills.

But think i should crawal to the bedroom now...LOL

I will be on tomorrow off and on, so maybe will see you then

You take care girl, I am sooooooo proud of you, i really am!!!

Love You
xoxo
Me

Oh sweetie - you supported me during the beginning of your withdrawals!  You helped me in more ways then you will ever know!  If it wasn't for work I would be here with you guys during the day.  I am always thinking about how everyone is doing.  And I am not going anywhere.  Wednesday's are usually a good day for me to post during the day - hopefully I can get a break tomorrow - I know I will tomorrow night.  You know some nights I get home now (everyone is noticing that I am feeling better at home) demands are placed on me again.  Argh!!  

I need my time here and I need you guys as much as ever!

I luv you to sweetie - tons!

xoxox

shel

Good Nite Girls, Sleep Tight!!!

Just wanted to let ya know one more thing before i start crawling to the bedroom, I found the courage to flush the rest of those pills i got. Well all except 10 of them...I know i should have done them all but i figured "hey at least this is all i have left now" I got 90 on Friday, and took like 8 or 9 of them and have 10 left...so i flushed 81 of them, and let me tell you - THAT WAS HARD...But now i did it, i feel so much better....

I was walking my dog yesterday and he got away from me, so i started running after him and when i did i fell on the pavement, skinned my knee, was cut open very deep - went to the hospital and ended up getting 21 stitches...They went to prescribe me something for the pain and believe it or not, I asked them for something NON NARCOTIC, I even impressed myself. My hubby looked at me and said Hunny i am so proud of you. God, i felt so good inside to be able to say that...Still find it hard to believe...Just wanted to share that story with you..

Okay, here i go again ~~~~crawling~~~~~ to my room...

Good night you sweet sweet girls...Have a wonderful sleep!

Love you both!!!!
xoxo
Me

.. honey, that's amamzing!  about the non-narcotic, AND about the flushing!!

good for you.... you really are only a step away.  actually - let me rephrase that - you are already a 100 steps closer....

xoxooxoxoox
sleep tight,
luv-
mj

Maybe tomorrow we can all be here at the same time, I miss that too.
Shelby, Hope, MJ, and others.............you all rock!

Shelby I am so proud of what you have accomplished, you ARE a tough gal!  I don't tell my family about my addiction either.  They know I was taking back pills but have no idea to what extent.   You have come a long way and I remember when you were still detoxing and now you are out there working and getting naturally tired and all this is just wonderful!

Take care,
tzt

hey sister, i will be on tomorrow!! but will be away from like, 10a - 1 or 2ish?

then mama will be back!!

hope you are doing so very well.... can't wait to talk more...

all my luv,
mj
:)