I don't know what's going on with this site, but I posted a thank you to everyone for their support and advice.  I did a much better job with wording it last time.  I stated last time that I have not told anyone (neither family or friends) about my problem.  I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by my problem.  I am so used to helping others, it's hard to ask for help (1911- you know).  I can't express how much all of you haved helped me.

I thought most of the physical pain was over.....here it comes again.  Damn!  I know everyone will tell me stay strong and wish me well, but it's so hard.  I never knew I could be so aware of every minute that I am living.  This process is really minute by minute.    

Thank you again!  

thank you

The depression is very normal and from seeing others coming off of Utram, I have heard it is very difficult but doable!!!!  The lack of energy and the mental symptoms are harder to bear than the physical I found. Esp if you are dealing with a 2-yr-old...But you are right, the pseudo "good feelings"  we got from the drugs were temporary and chemically induced....it does feel good to know when I'm happy, it's not because of a little pill, it is because I truly feel this way again on my own, without having to worry about coming down and needing to ingest something to get that feeling back! Amino acids have helped many and there are SSRI's if you feel the need to go that route. If you need help, go to your Dr. and discuss with him/her.

Keep posting too, that was so helpful to me when I was in w/d. Lots of good people here and great information!
Good Luck and  Peace,
Marcie

i dont know anything really about sub. except that fladdict used it for a very short period to ease wds froms pain pills,,i think i have that right, so if you quit using today then on thurs the narcs will be out of your system and on mon it will be 5 days out. so why sub? like i said i"m just wondering if sub is used for something else

As one X-LEO to another, you can do it.   The hard part probably is being home without the excitement of the street.  

W/D and recovery are a gradual process...not a sudden event.   Remember, we taught newbies that "nothing good happens fast" on the street...and, the same is true for W/D and recovery.  

I went C/T in January 2007.   It took 3-4 months of W/D before I really felt back to the old self.      

You can always get back a little of the old life by volunteering.  For example,  I am volunteering to coach and my lead guy just won "top gun" at the Western States SWAT competition.  (Knowing that...you can decode my Forum nickname.)  

BTW: Most local PD/SO's really need volunteer help with their disaster/emergency preparedness.

GEORGE

The depresion is terrible! I know exactly how you are feeling.
Although, this will go away - It seems like it takes forever...You need to take a deep breath and just know this is normal and is part of the w/d's. What you are doing is a GREAT thing. Just takes time (unfornately). I am suffering so bad also right now, i quit c/t on June 3, went 14 days without taking anything at all. I was so proud of making it that far. Since then i started taking again, not as much (but enough) Now today i am totally out again. I feel TERRIBLE!

I had to call a certified Dr. that specializes in this kind of stuff, and told them my story, That i needed to quit and was having such a hard time, very depressed and the cravings i am having are making me nuts.

Maybe you should contact a Dr. and tell them your story, i am going to start the Suboxone Next Monday, i have to go all this week with nothing (gonna be tough) but looking forward to meeting the dr. and getting some help. This might be something to consider. There are so many things out there that they can give you for the depression, just be totally honest with them.

You will be fine, takes time...Please for you - make that call, you will be so glad you did. Sometimes we need help, and that is okay...

Wish you all the best
Hopeless

WOW!  Thanks to everyone.  I've hidden this from everyone in my family and have not told any friends.  For me this whole thing feels so shameful.  It helps to see we are all just human and I am not alone.  All your words and suggestions are helpful.

It is hard going from someone who enjoyed helping people to becoming someone who needs help (1911- you know what i'm saying).  I wan't to help you all but am now asking for your help.  

thank you

You are correct.. if the person has waited a week to start Sub after stopping pills then it is really not neccesary... It is used for WD symptoms.. If someone goes to take it after Wd is not present I can't imagine how the doc would know how to dose them appropriately... The dose is based on the relief of WD symptoms... someone not in accute Wd would not need to even start Sub.. that person should look into Naltrexone or other opiate blocker therapy if they are concerned about relapse..

I too used Ultram and Ultracet as a bridge between getting Oxy. It didn't give me the high I got on Oxy, but it did give me a great feeling and it lasted longer than the Oxy. I also think that's part of the problem with this drug. The wd's seem to be a lot longer lasting (for me anyway). This last time I used clonidine, and it helped immensely. I can only tell you that it does get better. I have been experimenting with Hyman's Calms. It does seem to help and quietens my mind. I am on day 8 and still have bouts of low energy and anxiety that are mild to moderate. But, things are getting better, and today is my first non-clonidine day. The people here are very helpful and will give you suggestions. Good luck to you.

Withdrawals just plain suck.  The mental is a never ending battle.  I fortunately do not crave them like I thought I would.  I miss more the energy that I felt that they gave me.  If I were you, and the mental is as hard as you say, do yourself a favor and call your doc.  There are many things that can make this easier for you.  Depression is not an uncommon side effect of withdrawal.  Make the call to help yourself feel better.  Good luck

Sheri