I am having a hard time

Question

This is killing me. I have tried to quit and it just doesn't work. I have gone 24 days and failed. I feel like a loser.

fishmeal · Answer

Sorry I'm late with this.... you are not a loser.... can you try suboxone?  It does work you know!
Best
fish

broknbck · Answer

Sounds like youre having a hard time with nothing. I had my doctor perscribe me an antidepressant. Cymbalta. Haven't gotten the full effects yet. Takes 2 weeks. But lots of people have tried it and said it works pretty good.
I know its bad trading 1 drug for another but the painkillers stop working anyway so why put up with the withdrawls????

K Todd · Answer

Tim,

Well brother....looks like I will shoot you an email! 

Hang Tight and remember to look at the big picture!

Love,
Todd

TimH2 · Answer

I look up sub doctors in my area. Guess what???  It is my friend and primary doc. I golf with him and he has no idea I am addicted. What if an accident happens and I am "profiled" as an addict. I will just suffer and tough for that. If I tell him it will crush him. There is no place I can go.

FLaddict · Answer

Maybe its time to figure out what it is you need to change to keep you from using... the amino's are a good start to heal the brain function.. but I think doing something to help you heal emotionally... meetings might do that, some sort of therapy may do it.. only you know.. I would try some things and give it a shot... may just save your life..

TimH2 · Answer

I have done nothing to help myself. I just wait for the next refill. My w/d's are just waiting for the next one. I really have to think this out.

TimH2 · Answer

Want to here a funny story. I looked for subox docs in my area. Guess what I found?
It was my doctor and golf partner. How can I tell him I have been buying drugs and getting them from him. Our friendship will be over. End

shelby74 · Answer

You have to think how many times you want to go through this ****.  I finally got so sick of feeling SICK.  Tim it is so much better to be clean.  You know that now.  I am a completely different person and I feel a little better everyday.  You must make the decision to help yourself!  Please Tim - I know it was hard with Steve.  It was hard for all of us.  You will make it through with the right tools.  You are a strong, caring man and have helped me so much.  I KNOW you can do this.  

luv,

shel

TimH2 · Answer

You make me feel better. I have to really face it head on and this is really hard for me. I am in w/d's hard and feel I will never recover. I really believe this and wish I could tell you differently.

shelby74 · Answer

That is the w/d's talking and you know it.  You know it won't last forever.  Think in less then a month how much better you will be feeling.  You must stick with this.  I hate to see my friends suffer.  What about sub treatment?  I swear Tim if I knew someone close to you I would see them over there and get you some help.  You are not thinking straight - try to remember that to.  Friggin drugs make us loopy and the w/d's are no better.

mom2rachie · Answer

If you had cancer you would take your doses of chemo no?  
Consider your addiction your cancer and do what you need to to keep it at bay.  That means people, places, things... meetings, therapy, meetings, and most of all getting honest oh and did I mention meetings????
When you're ready you will do something other than c/t and resting on your laurels to get by.
I wish you luck.
PS,
If that dr is your friend and if he is aprofessional he will understand.  Don't underestimate him!

shelby74 · Answer

Hello my dear friend,

I am sorry you are suffering like this.  I think Stephanie is right - you need help besides just yourself.  This is a very diificult thing to go through on your own.  I have failed so many times I cannot count.  I was finally ready to quit.  Do you have it in your mind that you want to?  Or are you just tired of running out?  There was a big difference there for me.

Remember you were talking about meetings before?  Have you seriously looked into those?  Can you cut your ties to the people who give them to you?  Can you tell your wife again - maybe with her support you can stop this cycle.

What about inpatient treatment.  That would be a whole lot of support.  Then maybe you can find the root of your problem.  Find out why you were taking these in the first place.

Tim I wish I could take the pain and suffering of addiction away from you.  Just know that I am here to support you no matter what.

(((((((((((((((((Tim))))))))))))))))))))

luv,

me

shelby74 · Answer

There must me another doctor - even if it is your friend.  Isn't being healthy the most important thing right now?  Look at how you are feeling right now.  You need help.  Tim you remember that article that you posted about Thomas - do you want to screw your mind up like that?  I was using for 10 years - i am not sure if I will ever be whole again.  I would hate to see that happen to you.

marcatj · Answer

I'm so sorry buddy...

But PLEASE don't let the fact that your buddy is the only sub dr. let you tell yourself there is no way out..

If you want, there IS a way out.  As some of the other folks mentioned - there are other ways... alot of folks on here did it without Sub, including Shelbs..

But you need a new "tool," a new method...  but you can do it, buddy...

Ah kid...
mj

TimH2 · Answer

You have been so kind and made me really look at my options. It is hard for me and I have to let my pride go. That is the hardest for me. I hate to appear weak. I thank you all and will get through this. I really thank all of you.

Tim

TimH2 · Answer

I have to be really honest with you. I don't think I would do kemo. I have seen too many friends die. I really appreciate your kindness and just trying to be honest. If I had a terrible illness and knew that I was taking a chance, I might go for it. I would have to really look at all the options. My Mom decided not to have chemo and it would not have helped her. It was the worst ouch I ever felt. I tend to look at life as it is. I feel now that there is no hope for me, as far as the drugs go. I only took hydros and never knew anyone that sold street drugs. I had a bad accident and this is what started this nightmare. I just want to be me again. I know I will have to work for it. Thanks for your kind post.

God Bless,
Tim

reetz1960 · Answer

Hi Tim,
I haven't been here in a really long time because I work at another site and I've been very bust helping others taper down from opiates. I hate to sound "stupid" here, but I don't know what it is that you are trying to get off of.
I believe that I might be able to help you, but I'd have to talk to you,ok?
I have helped many people taper, and I have also designed a sheet simply telling all withdrawal symptoms people could go through, and a list of different things they can do to lesson the horrible withdrawals.
Please feel free to email me if you would like. I am very confidential, and would never repeat anything. I am a substance abuse counselor, as well as a fellow addict. I can definitely relate.
Perhaps I'll hear from you, and if not, good luck.
Please don't give up!  I promise you that there is always a way...Always!
Much Love,
Rita

mom2rachie · Answer

At any AA meeting and NA meeting they say that you must be willing to go to ANY LENGTHS for recovery.
It doesn't sound like you're quite there yet but I hope you get there.

reetz1960 · Answer

Tim, 
I am sorry...It would help if I would leave an email,huh?
here you go:
rita.***@****
There you are,
Rita

beachtowel · Answer

Tim what kind of after care are you doing?

TimH2 · Answer

I don't think I did anything other than taking the aminos. I guess I don't know what to do and I am sick of this. I really don't know who I am anymore. I have said and done things that I am so ashamed of. I feel hopeless. I hate pity and don't want any. When Steve L posted, I understood him. I got where he was coming from. I would not ever go that way, I do understand despair.

FLaddict · Answer

What kinds of things have you done to prevent relapse??  Meetings? Addiction counselor?? Keeping pills out of the house?? Changing your daily habits from what they were when you took pills??

You are not a loser...YOu did what any unprepared addict would do..

singha · Answer

don't........beleive me I know the feeling. I went 13 months once and started again. Just try to keep in mind how awful WD's feel and maybe that will help. I'm pulling for ya.

I am having a hard time

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