Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Addiction of a Loved One - Contins, Adderrall and more

hi everyone,
i've never done this and i've been reading through a lot of posts so it just seemed to make sense for me to write on this wall.

i recently discovered my fiancee had been taking adderrall - you see he works in the financial industry doing wall street hours and putting in 70+ hour work weeks - he only started this about 2-3 months ago but i've seen a def change in behavior and attributed all of the things to stress/new job.

upon finding the adderall, i became a little crazy.. accusing him of being a drug addict, questioning EVERYTHING he said because who knows how long he had been lying. it seemed like the ultimately betrayal to me because i've rarely dabbed in drugs and am very naive when it comes to them. i told him i had demands because i needed him to prove he was clean - demands included a drug test, doctors appointment and full disclosure about everything - i also made him swear on everything he wasn't doing any other drugs.

we visited the doctor who happenned to be a family friend who was very interested in helping and took the adderall very seriously (note: i stole the adderall i found) - he was taking his blood pressure and started asking him about marks on his arms (which i had never noticed). my interest heightened during the apt and then the doc asked me to leave. god knows what happenned but he came out, gave urine and said it all went fine. he said the doc asked more questions (like what's really going on is everything ok) and he responnded simply that he was super stressed and overworked and just dealing with that. one of the "marks" on his arm he said he had given blood (he's really NOT the type to give blood). he also said the nurse was poking him trying to take his blood and he was so frustrated with her inability to find a vein that he TOOK the needle and did it for her. THIS scared the hell out of me.

being the detective i am, i started looking through his phone even more and his pockets and whatever i could look through to get more info (i saw texts asking for addies, subos and contin/cotton) - i found his dealer was also his financial planner and was getting closer to the bottom. little did i realize that adderrall should be the least of my concerns.

i realized that int he last month or so he started wearing full sleeve shirts.. he used to wear cut t-shirts and maybe around april/may started wearing full-sleeves. he wore a sweatshrit to bed and so i trned off the A/C (it's REALLY hot) but he never took it off.

the next day i asked him to show me his arms - having NO idea what i was looking for, he showed them and i saw weird bruises but realized i didn't know what to look for so i asked him to let my doctor friend look at his arms and he agreed to it after showing me his urine results (all negative for drugs).

this was confusing considering his behavior int he last few weeks/months (stomach problems which include throwing up a lot of food, diahrrea, shivers late at night that are like tremors, extreme fatigue to extreme hyper-ness and more). i had my doctor friend look at his arms who confirmed the worse: he found at least 5 needle marks on each of his arms that were around veins and most likely attributed to drug use (note: nobody i have talked to thinks it's normal for him to be able to poke himself to draw blood in front of a nurse).

while he WILLINGLY showed his arms, he acted like everything was fine THEN broke down and said he was cutting himself and he had cutting problems - being in love and pretty naive , i sympathized only to be told 2 hours later by my doctor friend it's very unlikely that those marks are cuts (i had to admit, looking at the marks, they didn't really look like cuts but this is what he was telling me it was).

now, we are at a showdown - he says they are cuts and has cried numerous times about it and wants 1 week away from me to "fix things" - i think he has a SERIOUS problem with drugs (i don't even know WHICH drugs) but i'm not sure what to do.

my questions to you:

1 - what drugs could cause this behavior? being super excited to being super low?
2 - what drugs have the affect of adderall to help him focus?
3 - when do i get his family involved? i come from a close-knit family and already told my parents - we were going to have our engagement party soon which i've already postponed but he hasn't confronted his parents. i've gotten very close with his mother and so this is even harder for me
4 - how long could this have been going on? how functional are people who are addicted because he's been very normal since he's been in my life. only in the last 2 months do i notice real huge behavior changes
5 - how does someone who is addicted finally come clean? everything he has said int he last 3 weeks have been a lie - it became just adderall to i don't know what anymore and i don't believe ONE word he says

any other feedback/help you can provide would be great because i'm not sure what to do and i'm at the end of my own rope of patience

thank you
12 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
hi... so sorry for what you are going through...

personally - I would give him the week.  if he doesn't "clean up" then i would let his family know... it's very possible he's going to detox for the week and is kicking his drug habit.  i don't know, but that could be the case.

i don't know if anyone is goiing to be able to answer all your questions (how long? what type of drugs? etc.)  but I am sure you will get more feedback here.

my only concern is if he does do the one week (and gets off drugs) he may need a support system to not fall back into that same trap.

there are people here with more experience than I and know alot more, so i am sure they will comment.  and - i'm sure i will get sh** for this - but i do know some people who have "used" for a very short amount of time, who were able to kick the habit without a support group.  but i have NO IDEA how long your b.f. has been using, what he's been using, etc.

i think since he's willing to quit (or it sounds like - he went to the dr's with you, etc etc) you should be supportive, and let him know you are there for him. and that he can be completely honest.  (if he "blows it", or lies - then you can take a different approach - then.)

this is only my opinion...

good luck to you...
-mj

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
sorry.. i misunderstood that he was still standing by his statement of "cutting."

but - again - sounds like he may be going for help.  so i would let him know - not in a confrontational way - but in a supportive way - that you want to help him, you really do, but he needs to be 100% honest..

hopefully he will be, and he's going to get the help he needs.

if not - scratch everything i just posted... you'll need a different approach.

good luck,
mj
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi mj,

i appreciate the advice - it's tough cause he's stil nto admitting the drug use you know? i'm a very tough love heartless individual and while i will not deny the extensive amount of tears that has come out of this, i am still unharmed and able to walk away (no kids, not married yet, etc)

he has the week except he lied to me originally about where he was going (to a friends who i spoke to and knew NOTHING of the sorts) -- the 2nd half of the week he says he's going to his mom to confide in her (he also admits to telling his mom about the cutting which i'm 99% sure is a lie)

so unfortunately.. he's just been lying so much... but i am giving him the benefit of the doubt for 1 week but now my family is involved too and very concerned..

ahh.. such is life!
Helpful - 0
177036 tn?1192286635
I just needed to say this real quick.... If I asked for a week,  I would be in a motel room, isolating and doing the drug of my choice at this time... this is addictive behavior  RUNNING AWAY ~~~~~~~~ I truly hope that he is not like me this way but I thought I would mention it just in case.

I'm going to post this quick and find out more about adderrall.  Keep in mind, drug use is a symptom of some underlying problem which needs to be delt with.  back later....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
When i firstmet my husband I was just coming out of a divorce.I was very scared of being alone .I very willingly went along with whatever he was doing. I really was quite innocent and didnt know any better. He was at that time using Crack cocain daily. Pot. Beer. CRystal and I just thought he liked to party alot i didnt even know what these things were . I lived a very shelterd life. Im only 24 Married at 17 Divorced at 19 Then jumped strait into this relationship. When we got pregnant with our first child he just up and quit all of that drama. I was so happy. the i guess the past 3 years since he quit that he startted abusing Lortabs. It belive it or not is more heart breaking an e hard to handle then the other drugs. I dont really know what to say to help you . just wanted to let you know i in a way can feel how scared you are. I hope things start to look up for you if you ever want to talk Im usually on here every day lately
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i don't think the marks are from the adderall.. but i think you already assumed that, right?

anyway - i just read your posts below too.  the guy has a history of lying and manipulating, which kinda changes things...

i'm gonna ask you the honest question - what makes you think he is going to change those behaviors?  sounds like he's been pretty consistant with them.  how come you're staying?

(not telling you what to do.. just askin' the question...)

-mj
Helpful - 0
177036 tn?1192286635
Adderral is an amphetamine and would definitely cause mood swings.  With all that's going on I think an intervention would be a good thing to think about.  You might call some of the drug deversion places.  Like, "out-patient" type places and see what they think... I think seriously, that professional help would be good for both of you right now,....

Best to you and my prayers are with you
Jim




























































































































































































































































































































































































Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Welcome to the forum.......

Your post is very sad to read but it probably cannot compare to the sadness you feel in your life........
I'll do my best to try to answer your questions to your satisfaction.....

1 - what drugs could cause this behavior? being super excited to being super low?

Many drugs can do this......

2 - what drugs have the affect of adderall to help him focus?

Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant. It affects chemicals in the brain and nerves that contribute to hyperactivity and impulse control.

3 - when do i get his family involved? i come from a close-knit family and already told my parents - we were going to have our engagement party soon which i've already postponed but he hasn't confronted his parents. i've gotten very close with his mother and so this is even harder for me

Getting his familiy involved will probably turn people against you.....which may not be a bad thing....
You have to realize that only he can help himself......you can support and be there for him but "only he" cannot help himself.........

4 - how long could this have been going on? how functional are people who are addicted because he's been very normal since he's been in my life. only in the last 2 months do i notice real huge behavior changes

There is no way to tell how long this could of been going on........
My run lasted 36 years.......
I was a funtional addict about 60% of my addiction......I had a strong work ethic as I look back now I can't even believe 60% funtional was even possible..

As long as I was working I was able to fool many people, to fool myself but most important I could get enough drugs into my blood stream have money for perscriptions even though I stole to do that too.......

The huge behavior changes come when things get really out of balance but mostly when the addiction cannot be fed properly.......then the addiction inside will start to come out and rear its ugly head.........

You mentioned getting married soon that is probably very hard for him to add to his life right now......he wants it but the addict will not allow you to change his life of getting that **** into his blood......

I have never been married but if that day would ever come and the decision was to marry into an addicts world or stay single and wait until he or she fixed themselves....

If you truly want to help him inpatient detox then directly into a inpatient drug rehab then after care with a drug counselor......N/A etc........
This is where you come in is after the inpatient drug rehab...........
He must do the first part until he is ready he will want nothing to do with it....

I hope I was able to answer your questions....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi-
just want to thank everyone who's writing because i really appreciate it

marci - to your comment, trust me, i don't know why i'm with him and this 1 week i've given him is realy his test to prove something (altho i don't trust ANYTHING he says so i'm not sure what will come out of 1 week)

i encourage everyone to write because it erally helps me - i'm fortunate to have an amazing support system in my life but nobody in my life truly understands the depth of what i'm going through. i am very ready to leave him but i feel very guilty about it too. he had ambien addition 3-4 years ago and threatened to overdose to manipulate me. when that happenned, i told his mom what was going on and i don't knwo what happenned after that but i'm confident he was fixed.

now it's another story.. im pretty sure he's injecting smething else i just don't know what would allow him to be so function at the office and in his life. his personal life is low though because it's just me but he's thriving at work and very happy with himself.

again, thank you for your comments and i encourage and hope to hear more from eveeryone...

thank you,

nadz82
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi honey..

honestly, at this point, i would suggest some sort of couseling or support for you.  to take care of yourself.. to help try to sort this WHOLE situation out... (not just the drugs..)

i don't know this guy, but from everything you've said (even going back to 3-4 years ago, threatening suicide to manipulate you).. it just doesn't sound good.

you get one life sister (at least this go around - who knows..) anyway - it's not your responsibility to stay with someone out of guilt.  i would try to figure out why you've stayed...  and there's no judgement here, btw - i've dated some pretty unhealthy guys in my past.  but once i figured out SOME answers, i started to make better choices..

and having gone through a divorce, i will tell you now, it is no picnic.

as well, if you don't have trust in your relationship - you cannot trust his words - i think that's a pretty rocky foundation for a relationship, let alone a marriage.

God I hope I don't sound preachy... and anything is possible.  but I would just suggest you really look at these things, before you make any further commitments to this guy.

Love ain't easy (my best friend says "it's not all blowj**s and roses" LOL) and I certainly don't have all the answers... I don't know.  I don't know what else to say other than personally, I think it might be wise to really try to figure this out before you go forward... not easy, I know.

warmly,
mj
Helpful - 0
222369 tn?1274474635
I don't want to be an alarmist. But, if he's using needles, and you've had unprotected sex, I'd demand he get an HIV/Hepatitis test. I'd get one if I were you, too. I hate to add to your burden, but you need to think of yourself, also. I may be overreacting, but you can never be too safe.
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
what a horrible position to be in...i'm so sorry :(

addiction is a "lifetime" disease.  

even if your b/f goes to detox and cleans up his act...the success rate of first time rehaber's is very low.  relapse is a major part of recovery and i hate to say this...but it is bound to happen.  someone that is shooting up drugs is deeply into his addiction...this just didnt happen overnight.

my advice to you would be to closely examine your life...your wants and needs.  imagine your life 10years...20 years down the road...and see if you want to still be involved with this addiction.  he may be one of the lucky ones and kick it...but the odds are against him.

i'm not trying to sound 100% negative but i am speaking from my own experience...12 years of living with the addictions of loved ones.  it's no party sweetie...

you need to take care of yourself in this situation.

this is only my opinion

good luck,
kim
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.