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Anxiety Community
This patient support community is for discussions relating to generalized anxiety, anxiety and eating, anxiety and sleeping, mood swings, and phobias.
Unemployed due to anxiety, feeling suicidal
by umbleego, Dec 03, 2006 12:00AM
I've had anxiety for a long time, as far back as I can remember. I have been diagnosed with tourettes, obsessive compulsive disorder and social anxiety disorder. I am barely ever employed and when I am it is usually very temporary. People have really been driving me crazy lately and I feel like I am gonna lose my sanity anytime soon. I have difficulty talking to anyone, whenever I talk to someone they ask me if I'm employed and I have to tell them that I'm not. After that they usually grin and ask me why and I just tell them "I don't know" and I feel like an idiot afterwards. Most people get the wrong idea about me, they think that I'm some lazy guy that doesn't do anything productive, it's a bunch of BS though. I wish that people would understand that I have these anxiety disorders but it's really difficult to talk about them. I've only told a handful of people about my anxiety problems. I feel like I'm alone in this world and everybody is against me. Most of the time I try to convince myself that life is a nightmare and that nothing is real, just to try to ease the pain that I feel. Could someone please try to help me out here?
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What about joining a support group with other anxiety suffers?
Could you post again and tell me what city you live in and I will research what resources are available. There is SSDI (Social Security Disability Income) which can be helpful in the short term. In larger cities there are organizations that provide assistence to those who struggle with the same challenges you are facing.
Society continues to stigmatize and nullify anxiety something that is a reaction and not a true disorder, and yes, even some doctors look at it that way. Try not to think about how other people percieve you. You are a survivor and that is something very profound and takes guts and will require you to hold in there just a little while longer.
Please post again.
chigcaopsy is right. Most people don't really understand how debilitating sever anxiety can be. It's easy for people that have no understanding to tell others to "just snap out of it" or it's easy for them to beleive that it's something one can control if they "just tried harder." also, like chicagopsy said, you've made it this far, and that's something to be proud of and commended...not everyone can deal with things like that. I don't remember if you said you have tried therapy or medication. If you haven't, hopefully your pcp can refer you to a practioner in your area. Hang in there, and you do have a life that's worth living.
I'd like to say that I understand what you are going through even though my circumstances maybe a little different from yours. About 13 years ago, I had a big sugery for which I was hospitalized for days. During my stay, I was given access to pain killer through IV. I think I must have used too much of the pain killer as I did not feel any pain throughout my hospital stay. Once I returned home, I started having depression - insomnia, intense anxiety, sucidal...etc. On the outside, I was recovering physically and looking normal. But inside, I felt I was living in a blackhole and I did not know why and could not get out of it. Often times, I could not get out of bed or even talk. Because I looked normal on the outside, people thought I was being very weak and lazy, including my husband. I tried really hard to feel better - i was fortunate that I met a group of meditation practitioners. Maybe meditation helped or maybe I just naturally get better, I eventually recovered. Only years later, I read a book about depression, in which the author mentioned some guy who was really accomplished and survived Nazy concentration camp but did not survive depression. The point the author was making in mentioning that guy was that depression was not weakness but a disease. The author himself suffered depression and was having suicidal thoughts. Eventually, he sought medical help and finally recovered.
I am sorry if I do not appear to be making a clear point - what I am saying is that please do not blame yourself and please do not get upset too much for not being understood - being upset and angry will only make you feel worse. In today's world, it takes courage to live for a person who doesn't suffer from anxiety or depression, let alone someone who does. Please seek help and you will be in my prayers.
Unfortunately, not only are people not sympthetic to anxiety, but they are horrible when you're suicidal. Most people can't handle it and don't want to hear it.
I suppose I was lucky with my last bout because by then I had a boyfriend (now fiance) who DID understand because he had gone through the same thing a decade ago.
I also get sick of people at times, and in earlier years, I was downright hostile. However, there ARE compassionate, decent people out there who can do amazingly kind things for us. I don't know, sometimes I feel guilty because I'm not being compassionate and doing amazingly kind things for other people.
Anyway, hang in there. There's a lot to be said to the old adage of taking things one day at a time. And, finding the right counselor can be so helpful in handling the suicidal feelings.
Do what you need to do to stay here on Planet Earth. It may seem bleak here at times, but we all have the potential to contribute so much to the world, despite the obstacles.
Please, please take care of yourself. You can tell by this forum that you're not alone and people DO care!
Warmly,
SWJ