Aa
Mental Health
My son is now 7 years old and has a couple of problems I would like your response to:
First please let me lay some ground work. I have been divorced approximatly 2 years now and am currently remarried as of 6 months ago. I have custody of my two children, He has a sister that is 5 now, and they moved up here with us about four months ago. His mother I believe doesn't pay him the attention that she does with my daughter. My wife now, has little tolerance with children that are always saying "I don't like that" at dinner time, also she is much more the authoritarian than I. Both my daughter and my son both love my new wife very much and call her Mom all the time.
The two problems I am experiencing with him is for example tonite he threw up at the dinner table after eating broccoli with cheese. What is weird about this is he has always liked broccoli and especially with cheese but lately he has expressed a dislike for it. Now if it was just that I wouldn't be worried but it has happened with many other foods that he has always liked. I don't know if this is stemming from a backlash to the way my wife is dealing with this or what. The second problem is I have found rolled up balls of used toliet paper in the trash can and also noticed he hasn't been wiping his butt properly. Also he will "poop" in his pants. When I confront him with this his answer is that he didn't want the toliet to overflow. (there was a lot of paper in a ball). I taught him to use less toliet paper and to flush if he felt he had enough paper in the toliet and wipe some more if needed. On the other problem his answer is he is having so much fun outside with his friends that he doesn't want to leave. Now I realize that this second problem is minor just talking with him and explaining what to do and why will probably solve the problem and I did that but today in the bath I noticed a little poop again. I had another problem and had to act very upset and be stearn with him so I hope that helps but I don't know. As to the first I don't know what is really going on with him. I don't know whether or not it is a psycological problem stemming from the divorce, his mother acting the way she does to him, or the way my wife feels about "not liking certain foods". Please any information you can post about this will certainly help. We don't want to take him out to Grandmothers house for dinner if all he is going to do is throw up everywhere cause all of a sudden he doesn't like that particular food. Thank you very much.
First please let me lay some ground work. I have been divorced approximatly 2 years now and am currently remarried as of 6 months ago. I have custody of my two children, He has a sister that is 5 now, and they moved up here with us about four months ago. His mother I believe doesn't pay him the attention that she does with my daughter. My wife now, has little tolerance with children that are always saying "I don't like that" at dinner time, also she is much more the authoritarian than I. Both my daughter and my son both love my new wife very much and call her Mom all the time.
The two problems I am experiencing with him is for example tonite he threw up at the dinner table after eating broccoli with cheese. What is weird about this is he has always liked broccoli and especially with cheese but lately he has expressed a dislike for it. Now if it was just that I wouldn't be worried but it has happened with many other foods that he has always liked. I don't know if this is stemming from a backlash to the way my wife is dealing with this or what. The second problem is I have found rolled up balls of used toliet paper in the trash can and also noticed he hasn't been wiping his butt properly. Also he will "poop" in his pants. When I confront him with this his answer is that he didn't want the toliet to overflow. (there was a lot of paper in a ball). I taught him to use less toliet paper and to flush if he felt he had enough paper in the toliet and wipe some more if needed. On the other problem his answer is he is having so much fun outside with his friends that he doesn't want to leave. Now I realize that this second problem is minor just talking with him and explaining what to do and why will probably solve the problem and I did that but today in the bath I noticed a little poop again. I had another problem and had to act very upset and be stearn with him so I hope that helps but I don't know. As to the first I don't know what is really going on with him. I don't know whether or not it is a psycological problem stemming from the divorce, his mother acting the way she does to him, or the way my wife feels about "not liking certain foods". Please any information you can post about this will certainly help. We don't want to take him out to Grandmothers house for dinner if all he is going to do is throw up everywhere cause all of a sudden he doesn't like that particular food. Thank you very much.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Lonny,
Your description implies that your son was functioning OK and then developed the eating and toileting problems. If this is the case, it's probably fair to conclude that the behaviors are symptomatic of the turmoil brought on by the changes in his life.
Relative to the mealtime difficulty, simply present the food and stay away from struggles about what he'll eat and what he won't eat. If he doesn't wish to eat the food, let it go. You needn't prepare alternative items for him. Some people are comfortable with permitting a standard 'option' (e.g., peanut butter and jelly sandwich), but by no means is this required. Engaging in struggles with his stepmother will only exacerbate the problem.
Relative to the encopresis and toileting behaviors, it's important to know if these have been chronic problems or represent regressive behaviors (indicative of emotional upset). Proably the circumstances that resulted in your children's moving from their mother's home to your home are instrumental in the development of your son's behavioral problems. You would be wise to seek some professional assistance and not permit too much more time to go by. He needs some support, both within the home and professionally, to help him with these major changes in his life. Remember, his world has been turned upside down.
Your description implies that your son was functioning OK and then developed the eating and toileting problems. If this is the case, it's probably fair to conclude that the behaviors are symptomatic of the turmoil brought on by the changes in his life.
Relative to the mealtime difficulty, simply present the food and stay away from struggles about what he'll eat and what he won't eat. If he doesn't wish to eat the food, let it go. You needn't prepare alternative items for him. Some people are comfortable with permitting a standard 'option' (e.g., peanut butter and jelly sandwich), but by no means is this required. Engaging in struggles with his stepmother will only exacerbate the problem.
Relative to the encopresis and toileting behaviors, it's important to know if these have been chronic problems or represent regressive behaviors (indicative of emotional upset). Proably the circumstances that resulted in your children's moving from their mother's home to your home are instrumental in the development of your son's behavioral problems. You would be wise to seek some professional assistance and not permit too much more time to go by. He needs some support, both within the home and professionally, to help him with these major changes in his life. Remember, his world has been turned upside down.
I don't think you should be so hard on him. The fact is, children will eat when hungry. If he doesn't want to eat it don't worry. If it is a power play with the stepmother, she will loose if she stoops to his level; I have been in your shoes and I have been in hers'. Offer him the same food as the rest of the family and let it rest there. He will eventually eat. Right now it sounds as if it may be a competition.
As for messing his pants, is this staining or messing? Staining often stems from an active busy little boy with much going on. Patiently work with him and it will get better.
The child may be having a problem with his stepmother being his "authority" figure. He has two parents and you need to work on this together. Remember:divorce and remarriage is very hard for many adults. Imagine how difficult it can be for small children. In any case, I am a parent and a step-parent. The road was a rough haul but well worth the rewards after 15 years.
As for messing his pants, is this staining or messing? Staining often stems from an active busy little boy with much going on. Patiently work with him and it will get better.
The child may be having a problem with his stepmother being his "authority" figure. He has two parents and you need to work on this together. Remember:divorce and remarriage is very hard for many adults. Imagine how difficult it can be for small children. In any case, I am a parent and a step-parent. The road was a rough haul but well worth the rewards after 15 years.
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