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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
3-4 year old Control Problem
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
3-4 year old Control Problem
by Paige Wright, Dec 27, 1999 12:00AM
Please Help!
My son is 3 years old (will be 4 in 3 months). He has been stubborn since birth. The prblem is that he wants to assert his will and control on me and his father and everyone around him. For instance, when I tell him it is time for lunch he replies "No Lunch" or bath time the response is "No need to take a bath".
I know three year olds are difficult but this goes beyond anything I have ever experienced. Every response he gives begins with " No need to....". He is unlike any other child I have known.
We use time outs in the corner to disipline him and when he is really defiant a spanking. When in the corner he yells "Let me out" and refuses to be quiet. I am also concerned about his social skills. He doesn't want to play with other children and ignores tham if they try to play with him. Help! Iam really worried he has some kind of behavior disorder.
My son is 3 years old (will be 4 in 3 months). He has been stubborn since birth. The prblem is that he wants to assert his will and control on me and his father and everyone around him. For instance, when I tell him it is time for lunch he replies "No Lunch" or bath time the response is "No need to take a bath".
I know three year olds are difficult but this goes beyond anything I have ever experienced. Every response he gives begins with " No need to....". He is unlike any other child I have known.
We use time outs in the corner to disipline him and when he is really defiant a spanking. When in the corner he yells "Let me out" and refuses to be quiet. I am also concerned about his social skills. He doesn't want to play with other children and ignores tham if they try to play with him. Help! Iam really worried he has some kind of behavior disorder.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 27, 1999 12:00AM
, Dec 27, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Ms. Wright,
Your son is certainly at the extreme end of the spectrum in relation to oppositional bevior. It sounds like he's been this way from the start - i.e., he came into the world with an oppositional temperament.
The keys in parenting such children are to maintain your own equanimity, refrain from engaging in struggles, allow rules (not anger) to dictate punishment, and make it in your child's best interest to do what you want him to do.
Relative to time out, I'd suggest one modification. Use a timer to track the time out period, and start the timer only when your son is quiet.
If you use the SEARCH function in this Forum, you can check some other replies regarding how to manage oppositional and defiant behavior. Type in words such as oppositional, defiant, time out.
Your son is now at an age when it is important to at least learn how to be in the company of other children and play alongside them. If you're able to, enroll him in a pre-school program at least several days each week - this will provide him with many opportunities to learn cooperative social interaction.
Your son is certainly at the extreme end of the spectrum in relation to oppositional bevior. It sounds like he's been this way from the start - i.e., he came into the world with an oppositional temperament.
The keys in parenting such children are to maintain your own equanimity, refrain from engaging in struggles, allow rules (not anger) to dictate punishment, and make it in your child's best interest to do what you want him to do.
Relative to time out, I'd suggest one modification. Use a timer to track the time out period, and start the timer only when your son is quiet.
If you use the SEARCH function in this Forum, you can check some other replies regarding how to manage oppositional and defiant behavior. Type in words such as oppositional, defiant, time out.
Your son is now at an age when it is important to at least learn how to be in the company of other children and play alongside them. If you're able to, enroll him in a pre-school program at least several days each week - this will provide him with many opportunities to learn cooperative social interaction.
Best of luck : )