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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
a comment under teenage girls attitude toward mom-she is 14
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
a comment under teenage girls attitude toward mom-she is 14
by Deane, Dec 27, 1999 12:00AM
written in detail under comments about TEENAGER, but briefly, her attitude is often hostile to me, not her father, because he is not the limit setter, and has always been passive in the children's relationships, or sort of a "buddy", it's always, ask mom, so I end up being the bad guy, because I am strict on knowing where she is all the time, and having adult supervision, and trying to not get involved with promiscuous behavior, as she is very social and outgoing, and appears somewhat older than her age. She always seems to have to be "in love", I sometimes wonder if it is because her dad never has any in depth discussions with anyone, only on a factual basis, so sometimes I over react when I feel no support of the other person who is supposed to be the other parent. She is adopted, and when angry at me, says I'm not her mother, and lately will sometimes write hateful notes to me..used to be she did the opposite when younger. Any help appreciated.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 28, 1999 12:00AM
, Dec 28, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Deane,
It's certainly not unusual for a fourteen-year-old to react negatively when limits are set by parents. However, it sure sounds like your situation is complicated by the stress that occurs in relation to the behaviors you and your husband demonstrate toward your daughter. As I'm sure you know, the tasks of parenting will be accomplished better if parents are on the same wavelength and support each other's efforts. Maybe it would be worthwhile for you and your husband to meet several times with a counselor to try to make some progress on this issue.
It's certainly not unusual for a fourteen-year-old to react negatively when limits are set by parents. However, it sure sounds like your situation is complicated by the stress that occurs in relation to the behaviors you and your husband demonstrate toward your daughter. As I'm sure you know, the tasks of parenting will be accomplished better if parents are on the same wavelength and support each other's efforts. Maybe it would be worthwhile for you and your husband to meet several times with a counselor to try to make some progress on this issue.
