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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Agressive 2 year old boy
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Agressive 2 year old boy
by Rhonda Carlson, Jan 27, 2000 12:00AM
I have a 2.5 year old son who is extremely agressive. He has always been strong willed, rough when he plays and loud. At first my husband and I thought it was just part of being a boy, as our other 2 children are girls. Recently his agressiveness is getting much worse. Not only does he take things from other children he will strike out all of the sudden, even when not provoked. He has been scratching his older sisters (5 & 7) to the point of drawing blood. He will say he is sorry, but then will turn around and do it again. He talks back terribly, yells at us (his parents). We have tried timeout but he just screams and kicks, or he will stay in time out and then when it is over he will go and do the same thing. We now put him in his room for some alone time, and he will yell for a few seconds, throw some things, and then settle down and plays for awile. We are confused and don't understand where all of his hostility comes from. His 2 older sisters are not like this at all. I am a stay at home mom, and spend a lot of quality time with him. He is very sweet and loving at times giving hugs and kisses, and then all of the sudden out of no where he is hitting, or going after some one. We just don't know what else to do or try. Help!!!!!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 28, 2000 12:00AM
, Jan 28, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Ms. Carlson,
It may seem like your son's aggression comes out of nowhere, but you can discern the pattern to his behavior. It's likely that he has his wishes frustrated, is flooded with anger when this occurs and then acts out the anger with physical aggression.
If using his room for a time out space works for him, continue to do it. Normally we recommend using a chair for such a young child (and reserving going to their room for older children - e.g., nine- or ten-year-olds). But you have to follow your instincts about this: if the room is effective, continue to do it.
Setting firm limits around physical aggessio is the right thing to do. He should get the message, via your response, that there will be no tolerance for aggression. Over time, his capacity to modulate his anger and control his aggressive impulses and beeter tolerate frustration will improve. It's one of the challenges of the pre-school child.
It may seem like your son's aggression comes out of nowhere, but you can discern the pattern to his behavior. It's likely that he has his wishes frustrated, is flooded with anger when this occurs and then acts out the anger with physical aggression.
If using his room for a time out space works for him, continue to do it. Normally we recommend using a chair for such a young child (and reserving going to their room for older children - e.g., nine- or ten-year-olds). But you have to follow your instincts about this: if the room is effective, continue to do it.
Setting firm limits around physical aggessio is the right thing to do. He should get the message, via your response, that there will be no tolerance for aggression. Over time, his capacity to modulate his anger and control his aggressive impulses and beeter tolerate frustration will improve. It's one of the challenges of the pre-school child.
I tried a few things that may have worked. I stopped doing time outs unless someone got hurt. Otherwise, with every hit or slap, he would have been in time-out all day. Time-outs don't teach anything - parents and caregivers do. Not doing time outs each time taught him that first of all, he wasn't going to get so much attention when he did something bad. It also taught him that time-outs MEAN something. Otherwise, they seemed to lose meaning to him when he got 4-5 each day. I made sure to look him in the face when I told him that what he did was not okay - so he could see my anger. I did not remove the victim from the scene, I sat down right where the incident happened and did the discriplining.
In addition, I started giving him more attention when he was a good boy. He seemed to act up when he was ignored or playing on his own. I would use a lot of diversion in his play when I would anticipate a problem coming. Also, I quit telling him what NOT to do and telling him WHAT I expected of him and gave him fun ideas of thing TO DO. I also found that it helped to talk about what was going to happen in advance throughout the day as spontanaity seemed to make him act up. For example, instead of saying, don't hit or grab me, I would take his hand and put it on my cheek and say, "be nice to your mom." Also, as silly as this seems, when he came to grab me or hit me, I would tickle him in the tummy. He quickly turned his anger into laughs.
Good luck. I will tell you, that something we did worked. I don't know what but I am very glad!
Julie