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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Anger
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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Anger
by Sandy, Feb 18, 2000 12:00AM
2 brothers a 10 year old and a 7 year old come from a divorced
family the mother is a very angry alcoholic and is constantly degrating the father saying things like I wish your father would die so we can get his money,your father doesn't love you,
your father doesn't pay enough child support, your father is the reason I'm so miserable. So the children who love their father dearly are always angry and frustrated when they come for visitation they act out and treat their father with totall disrespect. How does the father disipline with out making the situation worse?
family the mother is a very angry alcoholic and is constantly degrating the father saying things like I wish your father would die so we can get his money,your father doesn't love you,
your father doesn't pay enough child support, your father is the reason I'm so miserable. So the children who love their father dearly are always angry and frustrated when they come for visitation they act out and treat their father with totall disrespect. How does the father disipline with out making the situation worse?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Feb 18, 2000 12:00AM
, Feb 18, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Sandy,
The boys' father cannot control what their mother says. All he can do is be the best father he can be while the boys are with him. Relative to discipline, he should have rules that are clearly articulated and he should enforce those rules, just like any sensible parent would. The situation vis-a-vis the boys' mother should have absolutley no impact on how he interacts with them, provided he is acting in a caring, attentive, sensible fashion. Too often, parents in such situations think they should retreat from disciploning children, in order to gain the favor of the children. This is a bad idea. Reasonable parenting, based on sound common sense, withstands any stressors that can come its way.
Since the boys are exposed to this level of conflict in the family, they would benefit from professional help, which can assist them in making sense of the obviously confusing and stressful situation in which they find themselves.
The boys' father cannot control what their mother says. All he can do is be the best father he can be while the boys are with him. Relative to discipline, he should have rules that are clearly articulated and he should enforce those rules, just like any sensible parent would. The situation vis-a-vis the boys' mother should have absolutley no impact on how he interacts with them, provided he is acting in a caring, attentive, sensible fashion. Too often, parents in such situations think they should retreat from disciploning children, in order to gain the favor of the children. This is a bad idea. Reasonable parenting, based on sound common sense, withstands any stressors that can come its way.
Since the boys are exposed to this level of conflict in the family, they would benefit from professional help, which can assist them in making sense of the obviously confusing and stressful situation in which they find themselves.
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battle she wanted more money. The father paid 10,000 dollars for an evauation of the children the doctor recemended more custody for the father which lowered her child support. They immidately
changed to the new schedule. Now the mother won't sign the papers because she is still getting the same child support as before. The father feels forced to revert to the old schedule
which is way less time with the children to force her to sign.
The children will be devastated they want to live with there father. How does the father tell them with out blameing the childrens mother and makeing them understand it's for the best in the long run to get this over with.
It is never in children's best interest to manipulate their contact with a parent in order to coerce the other parent to behave in a certain way. If their father has received the blessing of the court to have more access to his children, he should do so, if this is what he really wants. The children should not be used as pawns in this battle between their parents.