Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.

Child Behavior (Expert Forum)

Email this

4 yr old won't sleep in her own room

Answered by

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention

Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates

This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development

Post a Question Back to Forum

MedHelp Member's Question

4 yr old won't sleep in her own room

by Ellen, Apr 11, 2000 12:00AM

Tags: sleep, child, child behavior, books

My 4 1/2 yr old daughter has over the past few months gotten into a bad habit. She goes to sleep in her own room but wakes up every night. When she wakes up, instead of going back to sleep, she comes into our room and either wants one of us to sleep with her or to sleep with us. We now let her sleep in her sleeping bag in our room when she wakes up so that we can get some sleep. I've tried telling her to stay in her own bed but she then just screams for us when she wakes up, thus waking up everyone in the house. She has to have to light on when she goes to sleep and doesn't want to be alone in her room. We don't know what to do to get her to stay in her bed and get to sleep herself without waking us up. She used to do this. Help!

Doctor's Answer

by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.

, Apr 11, 2000 12:00AM

Dear Ellen,

You will have to bite the bullet if this situation is to improve. Every time you allow your daughter to remain in your room you are reinforcing her behavior, not changing it.

You must tell her that she is to sleep in her own bed, and bring her back to her bed when she comes to you. For a time she will cry. But she will stop this if you persevere. There really is no way to accomplish this subtlely.

If you employ the SEARCH function in this forum, you'll see other questions and replies about this very issue.

Be patient and firm and consistent - it will get better.

Member Comments (6)

by Donna, Apr 11, 2000 12:00AM

my son who just turned 4 was doing the same thing..are problem was we would lay on his floor till he fell asleep at night..then if he woke up he would expect us there..and he would come in and wake us up constantly..we tried paying him a dollar if he stayed in bed all night to taking certain toys away if he got up..nothing worked,,finally, we little by little stoped staying in his room till he falls a sleep,and the only thing that worked was taking away tv priveleges the next day..he still once in a while gets up for juice or to go to bathroom but does not wake us up anymore..thank god!hope this helps you out

by sue, Apr 12, 2000 12:00AM

I had the same problem several years ago, my son is now 7. This is how we resolved it. I went out and bought him a cheap headphone cassette player. I bought children's audio cassetts books for him to listen to at night. (Barney, Arthur, etc.) It put him to sleep immediately because he thought it was very special to be able to listen to his audio books on tape. This also relaxed him in bed while listening to a tape. And at the same time, he was able to follow along with the books. As a result, he learned to read at an early age. Good luck!

by sue, Apr 12, 2000 12:00AM

by Christine, Apr 12, 2000 12:00AM

My son was going through the same thing at age 4. I think something goes on with kids at that age--they start getting lots of fears (being alone in the dark the major one). My son would have a fit when I put him to bed. He would finally go to sleep but would awaken in the middle of the night and want to get in my bed or have me come in--he seemed afraid of being alone. Unfortunately there seems to be no magic cure for this. The absolute WORST thing you can do is to give into it and let them come into your room or you into their's to sleep. It definitely reinforces it. I stood my ground with my son. When he was afraid, we would just go back in his room, I would sit with him for a few minutes and try to calm him, and then I would do anything that would help him. Sometimes he wanted the hall light on in addition to his night light. He went through this for weeks (months maybe) and it finally just stopped.

Christine

by Deb, Apr 28, 2000 12:00AM

I don't know why so many people feel that letting your child come into your room is the worst thing possible. My 4 yo also went through phases when he was scared and would wake up and come into bed with us until the morning. After a few months, he went back to sleeping in his own bed for the entire night again. I think that letting them sleep in a sleeping bag in your room is a perfectly acceptable solution, especially if your bed is small or you can't sleep well with them there. Children won't do it forever and you have offered the reassurance and security they need to get through a "scary" time.

by 2ris, May 06, 2008 09:40PM

A related discussion, help me with my 4yo was started.

Back to Forum

Continue discussion

Expert Activity

Rising Healthcare Costs Dont Equal ...
Jul 24 by Lee Kirksey, MD

Fluoroquinolones increase risk of t...
Jul 08 by Enoch Choi, MD

Related Expert Forums

Child Nutrition

Autism & Asperger's Syndrome

Adulthood: Transitioning Into

Parenting

Learning Disabilities

Related Communities

Parenting Children (6-12)

Parenting Toddlers (1-5)

Parenting: For Fathers

Tourette Syndrome

Information contained within this site is intended solely for general educational purposes and is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice relative to your specific medical condition or question. Always seek the advice of your physician or other health provider for any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Only your physician can provide specific diagnoses and therapies. By using this site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions.

MedHelp.org subscribes to the HONCode principles of the Health On the Net Foundation. Verify here

Your Name:
Your Email:
Friend's Email:
Message:

	Enter the code shown:



	Leave a Note Send Message Add as Friend Ellen Member since Aug 1999



	Add as Friend Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. Male Member since Aug 1999 Journal Entry: "Over the years during which I have contri..." [Read]



	Add as Friend Lee Kirksey, MD Male Philadelphia - PA Member since Apr 2008 Mood: LeeKirksey is ...optimistic Journal Entry: "The New York Times reports what we all su..." [Read]



	Add as Friend Enoch Choi, MD Male, 43 years Palo Alto - CA Member since Aug 2007 Mood: Enoch Choi, MD is back to PAMF UCC clinic Journal Entry: "This new box warning via FDA is something..." [Read]



	Leave a Note for Just a note Hugs Thinking of you Thank You Welcome Prayer Feel better Congrats! I Can Relate Just a quick note to say hi! Add as friend Post It Never Mind 800 character limit exceeded Just a quick note to say hi! You deserve a big bear hug! You're in my thoughts all the time, but especially today. Thank you for everything! Welcome to our community! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you feel better soon! Congratulations! Time for a celebration... Just wanted to let you know I can relate. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.