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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
6 yr old daughter out of control
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
6 yr old daughter out of control
by debbie, May 12, 2000 12:00AM
Hello, I am struggling with my daughter who will be 6 in June. She is 1 of 4 children. I have been having a hard time with her since she was 2yrs old. She has no problem in school. teacher adores her.My problem is at home. She is very violent towards my other 3 children. When she walks by she will hit them for no reason. Everything i say goes in one ear and out the other. She yells at me, tells me NO !! Has an answer for everything. As far as dicipline. She gets time out, sent to her room. I have taken toys away. Sat and talk to her about her behavior. I tell her I love her, but i Don't like her attitude and the way she hurts her siblings. Is there anything else i can try? I am running out of ideas. Maybe she is ADD? or a mental problem? She is the only child that head butts me and is so defiante and stuborn. Please help me with any form of suggestion. Thank you.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., May 13, 2000 12:00AM
, May 13, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Debbie,
The encouraging note is that your daughter is fine in her out-of-home settings. This would tend to indicate that she does not display a mood disorder or any other serious type of emotional disturbance.
However, there are obviously problems that need to be addressed on the home front. Relative to behavior management, I'd suggest two things. First, establish an incentive system whereby she is rewarded for each day during which she behaves safely with her siblings (or, you could even 'rate' her several times each day - this would actually be preferable at her age). Draw up a chart and use stickers to represent her success, and give her some modest treat when she earns a sticker. On the discipline end, place her in time out for 15-30 minutes immediately if she is physically aggressive toward anyone in the family. At the conclusion of the time out, insist that she play alone for 30 minutes before she can join her siblings (or others) in any play.
If you don't see any change in the behavior, obtain a consultation with a child behavioral health professional for assessment and guidance.
The encouraging note is that your daughter is fine in her out-of-home settings. This would tend to indicate that she does not display a mood disorder or any other serious type of emotional disturbance.
However, there are obviously problems that need to be addressed on the home front. Relative to behavior management, I'd suggest two things. First, establish an incentive system whereby she is rewarded for each day during which she behaves safely with her siblings (or, you could even 'rate' her several times each day - this would actually be preferable at her age). Draw up a chart and use stickers to represent her success, and give her some modest treat when she earns a sticker. On the discipline end, place her in time out for 15-30 minutes immediately if she is physically aggressive toward anyone in the family. At the conclusion of the time out, insist that she play alone for 30 minutes before she can join her siblings (or others) in any play.
If you don't see any change in the behavior, obtain a consultation with a child behavioral health professional for assessment and guidance.
And as for time outs, my son's therapist said in order for time outs to work it is imperative that when your child leaves time out he/she states the reason he/she was in time out and what the correct behavior would be to avoid time out in the future.
Taking toys away isn't going to help. No TV and some regime. When I was little I had to write 100X I am not going to talk back to my teacher.. Trust me I still remmember it. I never did talk back after that!