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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Problems going to bed
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Problems going to bed
by starshine, Dec 06, 2000 12:00AM
My daughter is 2 and a half. In July of this year me and my husband (her father) seperated and are getting divorced. Before this period my daughter was on a very strict schedule I was a stay at home mom and we would eat at the same time, go to bed at the same time,ect. and her life was very stable w/lots of love. Since the seperation it has been impossible to keep that schedule. Me and my daughter lived in temporary homeless housing for 4 months and have just moved in with my mother and father. Now that I work and other people help (mom and dad) she is no longer on any schedule. I am lucky to get her to bed before 11:00pm at night where before she didn't fight an 8:00 bedtime. I know she is going thru a lot she doesn't understand expecially since her father has not seen her since the seperation by his choice. I am currently pregnant and due at the end of December and am trying my hardest to get her back on a strict bedtime schedule but with everything that's happened it seems impossible expecially since I know the new baby will even make things harder for her!! She just seems to fight bedtime so much and I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried letting her sleep w/me (big mistake!) and even falling to sleep in front of the TV with cartoons playing, but nothing works!! Any suggestions?? I am trying to make things stable for her, but it seems impossible now that I am on my own and more upsets are soon to come (baby,divorce,moving out of mom & dads). Thank you.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 07, 2000 12:00AM
, Dec 07, 2000 12:00AM
Dear JC,
You already have the solution at your fingertips. You know by experience that establishing a regular, systematic routine basically does the trick. And you also recognize that taking your daughter into your bed is not going in the right direction.
Your daughter's life has been turned upside down, so it's understandable that she'll be unsettled. But, in such circumstances, it is critical that as much of a stable schedule as possible be followed. Hopefully, while you're with your parents, you can enlist their help in setting a schedule much as you used to do. The goal would be to get as close to that goal as you can. You were doing the right things before - you don't need any guidance on that. Now it's time to get back to doing what you know is effective.
You already have the solution at your fingertips. You know by experience that establishing a regular, systematic routine basically does the trick. And you also recognize that taking your daughter into your bed is not going in the right direction.
Your daughter's life has been turned upside down, so it's understandable that she'll be unsettled. But, in such circumstances, it is critical that as much of a stable schedule as possible be followed. Hopefully, while you're with your parents, you can enlist their help in setting a schedule much as you used to do. The goal would be to get as close to that goal as you can. You were doing the right things before - you don't need any guidance on that. Now it's time to get back to doing what you know is effective.
I started sitting in my childrens room,with a book,and I just read untill they fell asleep,if they got up,I got up and put them back down.Eventually I moved my chair and book to the hall way,then the stairs,and now I just tuck them in and leave.
just be pactient with her,divorce is hard on them to,
good luck,
sherri