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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
14 Yr. Old daughter becoming deviant
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
14 Yr. Old daughter becoming deviant
by TJK, Mar 02, 2002 12:00AM
Yesterday was a very bad day for our family.
Both my husand and I work, I believe my daughter is old enough to be responsible enough to come home after school and call to let us know she's home safe and sound. Even with that said I am able to work hours where I get home before the school bus drops her off. Only lately however my job has caused me to spend more time at work instead of being home before she does.
Yesterday she took advantage of that and called me at work to say she was home "save and sound", when in fact she was at a friend's house.
Okay let me step back for a minute, the day before that my husband and I had grounded our daughter for her failing grades and took away her most precious item (the PHONE).
This caused her to become quite angry, although this time there was not an explosion of anger, just a seething sceam to get back at us?? I'm not sure..but that's how it seems to me.
Like I said she lied that she was home.
She was not at home when we got home from work.
We had no ideal where she was.
We called all her friends, none would admit knowing where she was.
To make a long story short, we found her at a local hang out place for teenagers. When we told her to get in the car, she was very deviant and it wasn't until I threatened to go get the security cop that she finally got in the car.
We are at our wits end.. what do we do next????
Both my husand and I work, I believe my daughter is old enough to be responsible enough to come home after school and call to let us know she's home safe and sound. Even with that said I am able to work hours where I get home before the school bus drops her off. Only lately however my job has caused me to spend more time at work instead of being home before she does.
Yesterday she took advantage of that and called me at work to say she was home "save and sound", when in fact she was at a friend's house.
Okay let me step back for a minute, the day before that my husband and I had grounded our daughter for her failing grades and took away her most precious item (the PHONE).
This caused her to become quite angry, although this time there was not an explosion of anger, just a seething sceam to get back at us?? I'm not sure..but that's how it seems to me.
Like I said she lied that she was home.
She was not at home when we got home from work.
We had no ideal where she was.
We called all her friends, none would admit knowing where she was.
To make a long story short, we found her at a local hang out place for teenagers. When we told her to get in the car, she was very deviant and it wasn't until I threatened to go get the security cop that she finally got in the car.
We are at our wits end.. what do we do next????
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Mar 03, 2002 12:00AM
, Mar 03, 2002 12:00AM
This sort of behavior, provided it's not pattern over a long period of time, is not unusual for a teenager. The best approach is to close loopholes as best you can, be clear about the rules and what will happen if they are followed/not followed. You want to design the ground rules, rewards/consequences in such a manner that it becomes in your daughter's best interest to follow your expectations (even when she doesn't like them). You are clear;y being vigilant - keep it up, so your daughter does not think she can pull the wool over your eyes, so to speak.
Hope that helps.