Am I losing control of my 8 year old son?

Question

I have an 8 year old son that has been exhibiting what I call attention-getter behavior for the past 18 months...but it seems to be worse lately. It's to an evil point I believe. He's been in therapy the last 2 months and the child therapist says that everything seems to be OK. He will act just fine for days...maybe even weeks...then out of the blue, if he's not getting the attention he wants or feels he deserves..he makes comments that are startling. Example...I walked by his room a couple of days ago. He seemed like he was playing great by himself...he was laughing and jumping around. I asked him light-heartedly what he was doing...he gets halfway serious and says, "I'm using my robe belt to choke myself." Of course I'm flabbergasted and ask, "Why would you do that?" He says.."Because I don't like myself." I've told the therapist that he says these things. Evidently, and he's admitted to this in the last two days too, he's not opening up to her...and apparently she doesn't see this. On with the story.....he admits to me today...two days later....that he said those things just to upset me so he could get attention from me...but that he didn't really mean it. Is this the mind of an average 8 year old? Why is an 8 year old thinking these things? What can I do to help him? What behavior do I need to exhibit to not permit him to act this way and say these things? Any help is appreciated at this point. I'm at a loss....

3rugrats · Answer

Deany,
I feel the same as you do.   
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom who is dealing with this!  Please contact me through my personal email if you would like to talk further.  I need to find someone who is dealing with this same situation.
Hope to hear from you!  

Jean

***@****

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

No, this is not to be expected with your average eight-year-old. You have told his therapist, and it might be useful for the therapist to schedule some time for you and your son to speak together with the therapist. It's not unusual for children to fail to mention such things to therapists. Children don't approach therapy the way adults do - i.e., as an opportunity to discuss matters that are on one's mind, things that mightbe stressful, etc. Remember, your son is only eight. It's not a matter of opening up, as you say - children think differently than do adults. It may be worthwhile to examine your relationship with your son. What are the strong points? Where do you think the relationship might have drawbacks? If your son is doing well in other areas of his life - school, relationships with peers, activities - the focus of the problem might be in the parent/child relationship.

Am I losing control of my 8 year old son?

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