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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
group masturbation at 8 years old ?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
group masturbation at 8 years old ?
by chattymom, Jul 15, 2002 12:00AM
I pride myself on being a foward thinking mom. So I do not want to discourage my daughters from masturbation, after all it is the only SAFE form of sex. I also try to keep them talking to me about ANYTHING. I ask them on a regular basis about being touched. My youngest is the most open, she tells me everything from a friend said sex is kissing to I touch myself down there because it felt good. Last week when we had out talk she said her friend (girl) had been touching her. I tried to stay calm and asked if she told her not to do that. She said no, because she liked it. I told both girls they were to young and should only touch THEMSELVES & not each other in private. Now she is complaining cause they can't play "sex games" anymore. I know my child has not been abused. So that isn't an issue, but how do I explain that it just is not okay? Or am I wrong for stopping them?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 15, 2002 12:00AM
, Jul 15, 2002 12:00AM
You are doing the sensible thing. That is, you are educating your daughter that masturbation itself is a natural thing to want to do, and that it should be done in private, not with other children. And she should learn that it is not OK to permit someone else to touch her in the genital area. It would make sense to touch bases with the parents of the other girl, to be sure you are all on the same wavelength, so to speak.
Your friend,
Hasbabe
I didn't over-react, but I did talk to some of my friends about it. They all said that they played "house", "catch a girl get a girl", "mommy and daddy", and other sexual games (with both girls and boys) while they were very young. Most of these women (who are now mothers themselves) said it never went passed lying on top of each other (fully clothed) and moving around, gyrating, or grinding. A few said they'd actually pulled the clothes down once or twice to touch. 1 friend said she was caught and scolded by a relative, but she continued to do it. She just became more sneaky and more ashamed of it. None of them seem to be scarred from it, and once they began to approach adolescence, it just stopped. It was the same way for me. I don't remember doing this after 9 years old. At the time, it seemed no different that hide and go seek- just a game.
But, what do you do if you catch your child or suspect your child of playing sexual games? What do you say? Is it normal? What about the same sex part of it? A doctor on a tv show said that same sex relations among little girls as young as 4 is very common and no source for alarm. But do you approach it at all? Do I ignore it and pray for the best or tell her to never do it again? If I express my feelings about it- will it just make her sneak around. Also, this friend of hers now wants to spend the night at my house. Her mother is a new friend of mine and I don't know what to say.