9 year old irresponsible, childish, whiney

Question

My 9 year old is very irresponsible. We don't give her a lot of responsibility, but what little she has, she's careless with it. When we tell her to get ready for bed, she doesn't think, "ok, I have to brush my teeth, change my clothes, get the bed ready, turn out my light, get into bed." We have to tell her every little detail. She doesn't like to brush her teeth, she doesn't want to take baths...she's just difficult. Her sisters, 6 and 3, are the total opposite. We don't have to tell them to brush their teeth, they just want to do it. They love baths. I don't understand. Aslo, my 9 year old is a whiner. Nothing is ever fair to her! She pitches a fit to get the bigger cup, or the glass with more in it. She wants more of EVERYTHING, and whines if she can't get it. She takes advantage of us. If we allow her to watch a movie, she wants to watch two. If we say no, she pouts, whines and cries. Finally, when she eats, she makes a bigger mess than my other two combined! She's unbelievable when it comes to eating habits. And clutter...she has to keep candy wrappers, grocery receipts, any other paper, odds and ends, ect. We have to clean her bookbag out everyday when she's in school. If we don't, she will keep potato chip bags for weeks at a time before moving them to her "collection" stash. I have to secretly throw those things away. If you walked in my house now, you'd never know that we had three kids. My wife and I are immaculate. Our house, bodies, teeth, cars, etc. stays clean. But not my 9 year old, if it wasn't for us, she would be nasty. Tattling...God! We are losing it!

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

ADHD is one of a number of neurointegrative conditions, and likely does display some of her behaviors, particularly the difficulty executing tasks of a multiple or complex nature. It also sounds like she is emotionally immature and on the needy end of the spectrum. Such children can be draining, and they experience more difficulty than their peers in acting in a more independent fashion.

lilgirlsdaddy · Answer

Thank you so much. I did want to mention a couple of things that I couldn't in the first post because of the limited text. My daughter has ADD and is on 20mg of Adderall/day. Also, she used to have seizures, but hasn't had one in years. The doctors said that she would grow out of them and I guess she has. But when they checked her, they said that there was no scarring from the seizures. We think that's a good thing and we believe that since there are no scars from it that she won't have to live with seizures for the rest of her life.I don't know if that has any connection to what you were telling me, but I thought I would mention it.

She is a very hard child to understand when it comes to the things she does. But no matter what, we love her with all of our hearts. We want to see her grow up, be smart, have a sharp mind, and great personality...which she does. One other thing that bothers me is, she tends to hang on to visitors, especially males, and always wants to hug them and spend the night with them (visitors, not the males) Can you give me feedback on that?

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

It's likely, in addition to issues of basic temperament, that your daughter displays some form of neurointegrative condition. It might be useful to arrange an evaluation for her, including some psychological testing. At the very least, she demonstrates some concern about her position/status in the family, and this may be at the heart of some of the difficulty you experience in managing her behavior. An evaluation would help clarify the situation and at least afford you some guidance in how to proceed.

9 year old irresponsible, childish, whiney

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