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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
4 yr old going on 40. How does a mom cope?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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4 yr old going on 40. How does a mom cope?
by Sadie Rene, Oct 31, 2002 12:00AM
I am a mother of 4. My oldest two never "tried" me as some children do. When my 3rd child came along who will be 5 in January, I entered a whole new world. She is very sassy, smart mouthed, insists that nobody is "her boss". She is quick to disregard our authority. When told to do something her response is that she doesn't have to. She is very argumentative. She also displays a most offensive attitude at home and in public. Disciplines we have tried range from using charts that emphasize good behavior rather than bad to time outs to spankings. She doesn't respond to any of these methods. I can see this child on a show similar to Sally Jesse Raphael, being sent to camp if I do not find a positive way to redirect all this "energy" and "strong-willed" personality she has. I do not know how to deal with a child "trying my authority". Recently my husband and I have had to set some new boundaries for her that include allowing her to watch ONLY those videos age appropriate for her, earlier bedtime than her older siblings, age appropriate toys-no longer can we allow her to play with things her 10 yr old sister can. We have also removed certain priviledges for several hours. She is in pre-k for 3 hours a day and this helps. Would like more advise on how to handle her "fits" until she matures enough to realize this kind of behavior will get her no where. Perhaps some new innovative ways to counter her attitude or different methods to try would help. Thank you.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Nov 01, 2002 12:00AM
, Nov 01, 2002 12:00AM
I'm not sure innovative is the way to go. Rather, I'd suggest the old tried-and-true. In particular, do not anabdon time out as the bedrock of the discipline part of an approach. Rather than go into detail here (it would take too long), I'm going to ask you to read Lynn Clark's SOS: Help for Parents. This sytem will work, if you are faithful to it.
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He angers me soooo bad he yells hits says bad words and pushes me Mind you he is 4 he makes threats to his brother and sister that I can not believe come out of a 4 year olds mouth a few days ago he said he wanted to kill my husband because he made him go to his room for being bad.
We have tried every form of dicapline there is and to no avail.
He just seems to fly into even bigger fits of rage throwing things yelling hitting the walls and screaming.
I am such a mess I dont know what to do?
I am considering a mental health profesional but if anyone else has delt with a small child like this I would appreciate any info anyone has.
I tell him to eat he just does what he wants I tell him to clean his room and he screams and throws a fit and makes the mess even bigger.
Today I took away his favorite toy because he threw it at me and when I turned to walk away and put it up he ran at me and hit me in the back so hard he hurt me.
Any way I must go for now My email address is ***@**** if anyone would like to email me.
Thank you, MomofCD