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passive-aggressive behavior

Dave is a beauitful happy sweet four year old little boy but, he is extermly abusive to the other children and animals. we knew there was something not right with his behavior back when we got him from his mother. he was 15 months plus he spent 3 months in foster care during the custody battle. We decided to see if his behavior would get better with love and disipline. He has done some really strange things and we just do not know what to. We are scared for the other children and for ourselves too. If my daughter is eatting something that he wants or just because she has it and he doesn't he'll literally attack her and rip it out of her hand. He will do things like break video's or tear stuff up and take zero steps to hide what he has done or he will make sure one of the other children gets blamed. He has told me that he does these things because he wants me to be mad at him. We decided when he was three and we caught him smearing his diaper contents all over the wall that if he wasn't better by four that we would get him help. What do we do and where do we take him? I know his past must be part of why he is like this. He is much better than he was as far as safty to himself and others but he contines to do some of the strangest things to get us all upset. I read about passive-aggressive behavoir and it is Dave. We do not spank in our house and we try to talk about why he has done these things and how he feels.We can't image that sitting and playing games with a phycolist is going to make him better.I know I fear being blammed for not doing enough to stop him.
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Avatar universal
A related discussion, Question from Teacher was started.
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Avatar universal
As a foster mom to two children with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I urge you to get professional help asap. A good website about RAD is www.nancythomasparenting.org

It sounds to me like the little guy has RAD...there are parenting techniques that are particularly effective with kids that have RAD.

Good luck!

Anna
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242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You are on the right track in seeking professional guidance. Arrange an evaluation with a pediatric mental health professional. The clinician can help to determine, from a diagnostic perspective, what is occurring, and can help you devise a plan for intervention. It is possible that you are witnessing the early signs of a mood disorder. It is also possible, in fact likely due to his history, that he displays an attachment disorder. This condition, which results essentially from inadequate parenting during the earliest years, manifests itself in difficulty establishing comfortable relationships with adults and peers, and in aggressive behavior and limited ability to manage strong affect, among other things. Now, with very young children, the greatest benefit from contact with mental health professionals often derives from the collaboartive efforts between the parents and the clinician, rather than from the face-to-face contact between the clinician and the child. Having said that, I think you may be too dismissive of the possible benefit of contact with the professional. Your characterization of the contact as 'sitting and playing games' is really not helpful. It's important to go into the consultation with an open mind and with some curiosity with the clinician about how the contact can be helpful.
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