Problem with 4 year old son

Question

My son will not listen to me or his father. He acts like he doesn't hear us or that he doesn't understand. If he doesn't get his way he screams and throws things. At preschool he is always getting in trouble. He dosen't want to listen, or do what the others are doing. We have to tell him several times to stop what he is doing. When I pick him up from school, I ask the teacher how his day went, she never says good or great - it is always we had this problem or that problem. I have 2 girls ages 9 and 7 and I never had these kinds of problems. He can be sweet andgood!! When he wants too. I do not know what to do. How do I get him to listen to us, with out yelling,repeating myself 100 times, or fighting with him. He has alot of energy. It is hard to keep him on one thing for very long. I love him very much, but sometimes I do not think he is normal. Is he?

Prozac · Answer

Ok, here's the deal, in his early years, I assume he was the center of all the attention, and he was allowed to participate in activities never playing by the rules because he was the little one. He got used to win and manipulate everybody and he had your support. Now he's a little bigger and doesn't listen to you. A kid would do bad things to see how far can he go without you telling him anything. One thing you never have to do is compare your kids. The doctor's advice is really good. You have to do something now because later on he'll bring you more problems. I bet you he doesn't have the need to say hello to anyone unless he needs something..Start from manners, you don't get this, if you don't do this..in other words DO NOT SPOIL HIM, only because is the only little boy... :o)

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

You can parent him successfully without yelling, repeating yourself or fighting. In fact, it's important to respond firmly but with equanimity, avoiding all three of the behaviors you cited. A practical roadmap about how to proceed can be found in Lynn Clark's book titled SOS: Help for Parents. If you institute the tactics described in this very helpful book you will be pleased with the progress your son displays. Such oppositionality, in the degree your son displays it across settings, is not within the normal spectrum for his age.

Problem with 4 year old son

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