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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
6 Yr Old has fears that I will forget him ie., at school, church grandmas
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
6 Yr Old has fears that I will forget him ie., at school, church grandmas
by kerstyanne, Jan 07, 2004 12:00AM
My 6 yr old son has suddenly become fearful about going to school,sunday school or to a relatives house for fear that I will not be at home when he gets dropped off.
In order for him to go anywhere he must be assured by me that I will be by the phone so that when he calls I will answer and then he can safely be dropped off. His teacher has told me that my son has asked her to call me everyday before he is checked out to make sure I am here. Today he refused to go to school because his brother would not be there to check him out and he does not think I will pick him up and that I will forget about him. I am not sure how to handle this situation and I am concerned because he is normally a very independant confidant child and this is a very drastic change in him. I am a stay at home mom so I am always here for him, and I have asked him to explain his fears to me and he is unable (or unwilling to do so)
It is getting to the point that he throws a fit when I try to put him in his sunday school class and made a scene today at school with his dad and absolutely refused to go. I can't even go shopping without him because he won't let me go out unless I have a phone with me!
HELP!!
In order for him to go anywhere he must be assured by me that I will be by the phone so that when he calls I will answer and then he can safely be dropped off. His teacher has told me that my son has asked her to call me everyday before he is checked out to make sure I am here. Today he refused to go to school because his brother would not be there to check him out and he does not think I will pick him up and that I will forget about him. I am not sure how to handle this situation and I am concerned because he is normally a very independant confidant child and this is a very drastic change in him. I am a stay at home mom so I am always here for him, and I have asked him to explain his fears to me and he is unable (or unwilling to do so)
It is getting to the point that he throws a fit when I try to put him in his sunday school class and made a scene today at school with his dad and absolutely refused to go. I can't even go shopping without him because he won't let me go out unless I have a phone with me!
HELP!!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 08, 2004 12:00AM
, Jan 08, 2004 12:00AM
Such acute separation anxiety generally commences in response to some change in the child's environment, particularly a change that generates a child's concerns about parental avaialability and permanence. For example, if a parent, sibling, classmate or friend becomes ill or even has had to be hospitalized suddenly, if there's been a death in the family or in the neighborhood or in the family of a classmate, if a teacher has become sick suddenly, if a teacher has suddenly departed, etc. Sometimes it's not obvious what the particular stressor might be, and often young children really are not aware (in other words, your son is likely truthful when he tells you he does not know why he's so concerned). The best approach is to keep alert re: possible stressor (and be sure to ask at school as well), be patient and supportive and reassuring, but be sure to carry on with the usual routine. Absolutely do not allow your son to remain home when he should be in school, Sunday school, etc. All else being equal, his anxiety will likely wane over time.
has he recently been sick? flu? sore throat?
it just strikes me that an independant child became so anxious at this age.. maybe a movie (finding nemo? no mom in that one)...or a friend/schoolmate may have experienced this, prompting his fears.