6 year old has difficulty following rules.

Question

My son does well academically in first grade and using the class behavior system (red light -bad, yellow light - warning, green light - good) usually gets one or two yellow lights a week and the rest are green. The problem is he will behave pretty well unless there is another child who is not behaving aournd him.  He will usually do whatever he is told regardless of the consequences. Punishment does not matter; the moment he gets his priviledges back he misbehaves (if there is another chld around who encourages negative behavior). When he is alone or with "good" kids he plays very well. He tells me he just can't "control hiself" he knows its wrong but can't stop.  Most recently he went down the street (against the rules) with another boy (who he is not supposed to play with) & then exposed himself to a 6 year old girl just because the other boy told him they should (they both did it).  I have verified his story.  He has a terrible temper (will say he hates me & he has a violent side just "under the surface"), but it seems to be out of frustration (and thankfully isn't a daily occurence) and he will lie to me all the time (sometimes for no reason- however usually to avoid trouble). If he doesn't want to do something he will have a fit over it until he finally does whatever he was asked or falls alseep. I am able to take him places, without incident; he seems impulsive in his reactions (though he is also a very loving child). I'm just so upset & frustrated. He just seems to have no will power to do what he knows is right when put in those situations; he almost always chooses to do the bad "thing". I have two older children who are very well behaved and high achievers so I am just at a loss as to how to handle this. When I yell at him or if I am upset he smiles (uncontrollably) Should I seek medical help for him?

ever_rain · Answer

I have a 21 year old ADHD child and an 8 year old ADHD child, my oldest and my youngest, I also have two middle children 13 and 18 both well behaved and high achievers (as you put it)  I was also diagnosed ADD as a child and only found out recently that I am a well adapted ADD Adult.(I thought I had outgrown this medical disorder.)  Anyways, I used to feel your frustration and anger, along with feelings of guilt, years of searching, never finding the right solution.  Then, my diligence paid off, the inhome therapist I hired introduced me to Daniel Amen, a child and adult psychiatrist, brain imaging specialist.  He's a nationally recognized expert in the fields of "the brain and behavior" and "brain imaging".  I watched his video called "Windows into the ADD Mind" (he deals with ALL mental behaviors" I must have watched that video 15 times and took notes before I made a copy of the tape.  I could't believe it!  FINALLY! Someone who genuinely cares about helping and healing the mind.  Dr. Amen actually views the brain to diag-
nose mental disorders.He has a website at www.amenclinic.com there are little tests to find things out on there.  I have learned so much from this man.  But if you could find a therapist or psychiatrist with a copy of 'Windows into the ADD Mind" it covers EVERYTHING and it's comical as well, he has experienced ADD first hand in his wife, oldest son and youngest daughter.  He changed my whole way of thinking in terms of ADD and treatment....taught me positive parenting skills specific to what subtype(there are 6 of them) of ADD my son is and they work! After viewing the video and getting specifics, I took my son into his Dr. and had him put on the medication that DR. Amen had used on a similar patient...I have witnessed amazing results.  We didn't get the SPECT scan done, I helped my youngest son by listening to what treatment he used for patients with very similar symptoms.  I'll let you know more if you want...you child has extremely similar actions and symptoms that my chid had.  Sorry this is so long, but there is so much info and wanted to get a little of it out to you.

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

Yes, you should seek an evaluation by a pediatric mental health or behavioral health clinician (such as a child psychologist). In part, you may have unrealistic expectaions about the amount of selfcontrol a six-year-old generally displays over impulses, because children of this age can still be quite impulsive. Be sure not to expect the same degree of impulse control in him as you do of your older children. Having said that, his lack of impulse control, along with the other symptoms you describe, indicate the need for some professional help. At the very least, you will be able to receive some assistance with a program of systematic behavior management. While you arrange an evaluation, take a look at Lynn Clark's book, SOS: Help for Parents. It describes the sort of behavior management plan I am suggesting.

6 year old has difficulty following rules.

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