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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
6 yr old twin seperated in school
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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6 yr old twin seperated in school
by Missy2, Sep 02, 2004 12:00AM
I have 6yr old twin boys who were in kindergaten together last yr. We had them seperated this yr in 1st grade. One twin is doing great as I made this decision based on his need to not be in the shadow of his more outgoing twin. My more outgoing twin is really struggling. I suspected this may be an issue for him although no one else could imagine it. However I didn't know it would be this hard on him. He's trying to be brave about going to a seperate classroom than his twin brother. However as the weeks go by(on our 3rd week of school now) he seems to be doing worse. Worries all morning long about what time we need to leave for school, actually vomits on some mornings either at home or in the car. It seems the more he tries to be brave the harder it's getting for him. I've meet with the school counselor several times. She keeps advising we need to give him time. It may not help matters that he does not have any boys from kindergarten in his class this year, where his brother has a group of 4 boys from kdg in his class. He's become VERY affectionate and clingy towards me, which is not completely like him. He has stated on several occassions (since school started) that he wishes his brother was in his class. He is having trouble sleeping at night and wants to be with me, even though he and his twin brother have always shared a room. My approach has been to talk to him with a matter-of-fact and confident tone. ie: It's OK to be a little nervous but going to school is not a choice and I know you can do it! The more you go the easier it will become. According to the counselor his teacher says once they get him in the classroom he's fine. Don't know if this makes a difference but this all started on his 2nd day of school. I also can't help but wonder how well he's really doing once he's in the classroom. He's had to visit the nurse several times during the day due to stomache aches. He's even told me that the teacher won't let him go to the nurse and he has to just wait until it goes away. I know it's all due to his nerves, seperation anxiety, etc.... I'm just wondering how long should I wait before I seek some professional help for him. Thus far I've been trusting the school counselor's advise to be patient and let him work thru it, but man is it hard to see your 6yr old struggling so internally that he actually gets sick. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Sep 02, 2004 12:00AM
, Sep 02, 2004 12:00AM
Yes, it is difficult to see one of your children in distress, but I entirely endorse the counselor's guidance. You are saying the prudent and supportive things. Stick with what you are doing. The school personnel seem to be doing things correctly and it does sound like you can place your confidence in them. School personnel generally don't say that things are OK if they aren't.
Member Comments (3)
by LittleMar19, Sep 03, 2004 12:00AM
I disagree with the fact that you seperated them. I think they should be together.
by RetiredJim, Sep 03, 2004 12:00AM
To: Missy 2
Missy, as the father of twin boys I can tell you that you are making a very big mistake by separating these boys at this young age. There will be plenty of time in the future when they will just naturally go their separate ways and be really comfortable with it. My wife and I stared out following the same path that you are choosing because a school counselor suggested it. Our twins are 25 years old now and doing great but separating them did a lot of damage to them. In my experience with school counselors, and I have over 40 years raising children, I can tell you that most school counselors are not qualified to offer any kind of advice and many of them have more personal problems than the children they work with every day.
by amatista, Aug 27, 2008 04:10AM
A related discussion, My 6 year old boys have separated in school too was started.
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