9 year old cries a lot

Question

I feel that my nine year old step son cries more than other kids his age. He's always cried when he hasn't gotten his way but we thought he'd grow out of it. My husband and I never give into his crying fits, and generally try to ignore it. Now he's nine, and he cries more than our four year old niece does. I know it's important not to compare him to other children, we never say these things in front of him. Some examples: Kyle, my stepson, and my husband got home from school and Kyle said he was hungry. I told Kyle that dinner would be ready in about 15 minutes and that he could wait, and he starts bawling. My husband, who has had to deal with this a lot longer than I have, asked him why he was crying but Kyle never answers, he just continues to cry. Eventually my husband gets angry and yells at Kyle which, surprisingly enough, usually quiets him. Everytime Kyle falls down, he cries. He's been having trouble reading so we were going to sign him up for a summer tutoring program. Kyle's mother explained to him that if he doesn't improve his reading skills, that she'll hold him back a grade. When Kyle got wind of the summer tutoring program, he flipped. I have never seen him cry so much! He thinks his summer will be ruined. We told him it'd only be a couple hours a day, 2 or 3 days a week, he didn't care. We tried to tell him that if he didn't improve he'd get held back, he didn't care. If he doesn't like what I cook for dinner, he cries. I tell him that he'll eat what we're having, that we're not making a whole nother dinner just for him. Five minutes after dinner he tell us that he wants a snack (something sugary)and we tell him he should have eaten more dinner, and that we'll only give him a healthy snack, and he cries. His mother and stepdad have the same problem with him. He spends most of his time either at our house or theirs, so we don't know where he's getting that this behavior is acceptable. We don't know waht to do, he's driving all of us crazy. Please help.

heidilee0 · Answer

A related discussion, 10 year old daughter cries as first defense was started.

coolio · Answer

hi, i had the same problem with my daughter now aged 7yrs, she cried at the slightest things would fall over her own feet and scream/ cry asthough her leg was broken.i live in england and refered her to are cahms service (child and adolestant health) i explained all of her problems and they let her have some sessions with an occupational therapist who was brilliant, she picked up in three appointments with my daughter exactly how she really is, she was diagnosed with mild autism the reason i didn't pick up on it earlier is that i thought autism was the classic recluse child in a world of their own but the autistic spectrum covers a huge field from recluse/mute to very gifted i'd suggest getting the book called the autistic spectrum by lorna wing, it's very enlightening and tells you practical ways to help you deal with the varied behavioural problems. going back to the crying waiting for tea thing, my daughter did that and it was because autistic kids need constistant routines, try telling him set times for meals so he knows that tea is at 5pm every night and after school allow him to get an apple as soon as he comes home i do this with my daughter it stopped the crying as i think it reinforced that shes now home and their are routines hear aswell as school as when these kids leave school they can find it hard to deal with as at school theres strict behaviour codes and set lessons then at 3pm thats all gone and they can feel lost. also the problem with meals could be that autistic kids are very sensitive to there enviroment and certain foods can upset them inside and taste awfull for them, try giving him a full glass of water before tea as this reduces his taste sensations. but read the book and decide yourself if it seems like your step-son if it does get help for him as he may need support at school as a sensory problem could affect his learning even though he's able to do the work. i hope this helps and it doesn't cause offence, it's just i logged on for the first time in 2 yrs and could connect with what your going though. best luck.

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

Try not to make a major issue of the crying per se, but rather tell him that if he's going to cry he must do so in his room where he's not bothering others around him. You're suggesting that in neither of his households does this behavior get him what he wants, but still it persists. Continue being careful not to indulge the behavior; you're correct in not yielding to it. The behavior is outside the norm for a child of nine. It doesn't help to ask him why he's crying - it sounds pretty obvious why: he's not getting the answer he wants. Nor does it help to engage in angry behavior toward him. Simply have him go to his room; tell him this in a firm but calm manner.

9 year old cries a lot

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