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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
12 year old aggresive boy
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
12 year old aggresive boy
by Irma, Feb 08, 2005 12:00AM
My 12 year old step grandson is very aggressive to both adults and to other children. He has on a consistent basis hit, kicked, pulled hair, pushed and physically hurt other children and his mother both since he was very young. He also throws things, breaks objects and does not listen to anyone of authority. His record at school is not good..is defiant, does not do schoolwork, openly shows aggression to other children and teachers. As he grows older his actions are more frequent and intense. His mother (who is 32) has not been in the picture much up until 1 1/2 years ago. She joined the service shortly after he was born and the boy was taken care of by his father. Contact with mom was only by phone calls and visits 2 or 3 times a year. His parents are not together...have never been married. The mother gained temporary custody of this boy after much prodding from my husband. She is a very passive parent and is away(at work, school, etc.) a great deal of the time. When he visits us with mom, he rifles through our belongings after repeatedly being told no by his grandfather and I,breaks things when he gets mad, stands in front of television to block others view when he cannot watch what he wants(which is usually a program with violence) and will switch channels until we take control of the remote. He then gets very nasty and ugly. Mom, in the meantime, says nothing. He is allowed to stay up until all hours of the night at home watching TV, on the computer or playing violent video games. When he misbehaves at home there are usually no consequences. In the past he has urinated in inappropriate places(shoes, floor), broke his fathers' glasses because he was angry, has left the house in the night after everyone is asleep(which prompted putting an alarm on his door). He bucks authority is all aspects, has no respect for any adults including elderly relatives, feels he does not have to listen to anyone, and gets very nasty when he does not get what he wants. My husband has had thoughts of bringing him here for an extended period of time, but I disagree with this totally. I have to admit that I am a little afraid of this child! When he visits, I lock our bedroom door before retiring. Why is this child so mean and disrespectful? He can at time be sweet and loving, but those times are very few!
He has been diagnosed in the past with ADHC and possible bi-polar disorder and has been put on various medications, which his mother is very lax at seeing that he takes them regularly. She does not give them to him on weekends because she feels he needs a break from them. I have tried being patient with this child, but I feel myself beginning to dislike him and his mother both as time goes on. Is there and help for this boy?
Irma
He has been diagnosed in the past with ADHC and possible bi-polar disorder and has been put on various medications, which his mother is very lax at seeing that he takes them regularly. She does not give them to him on weekends because she feels he needs a break from them. I have tried being patient with this child, but I feel myself beginning to dislike him and his mother both as time goes on. Is there and help for this boy?
Irma
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Feb 11, 2005 12:00AM
, Feb 11, 2005 12:00AM
The prognosis, to be frank, is poor. It is very likely that he displays a mood disorder and, if he does, pharmacological treatment will be crucial. But the medications must be administered faithfully, with no interruptions. It is also highly probable that your grandson displays what we refer to as attachment disorder, interfering with his ability to have stable and meaningful relationships. By all means do not take him into your home. If anything, he needs to be admitted to a residential treatment program for a protracted period of time. His mother is acting irresponsibly by her passive approach to his behavior and by interfering with the administration of the medication. He absolutely requires treatment in an out-of-home setting.
Member Comments (3)
by pillow, Feb 09, 2005 12:00AM
Wonder how he is at her with just his mom ? Seems like if he was bad there she would stay on him about his medicine , geez and i thought my 12 yr old got mean , i would lock my doors also when he was there , sad to say i dont think he will change enless his mom starts putting her foot down or he gets on medicine. How often does he come to visit you guys? I am shocked school doesnt make her because no telling what he might do to others there.In the mean time i would let his mom know that you really dont care for his actions and how you feel , maybe it might open her eyes or the worse that could happen would be she might keep him away . I dont think a Grandma and Grandpa should have to put up with this , if she wants a child like that tell her to keep him at her house and you will come see them at theirs so when he acts up you can get up and leave right away lol
by Irma, Feb 10, 2005 12:00AM
To: pillow
Thankyou for your thoughts. I am not sure how to handle this anymore. My husband seems to think this is his problem also. He and his daughter are on the phone every evening for 1-2 hours discussing this child. I think it's about time to stop talking and for mom to take some action before it is too late...if not already too late. I'm a little bit like the outsider..no matter what I suggest, I'm met with hostility! I think it's about time that mom grows up and takes some responsibility as a parent. Stop complaining to daddy and do something to help this boy! I've said this to my husband and his response was that she has a lot on her shoulders and needs to take this slowly. (HUH?) How long are we going to wait?...until he is 20 or so? This whole thing is also starting to affect our relationship. He is so preoccupied with it..we talk of nothing else! He has also seems to have become somewhat depressed. I am finding it hard to be around him lately. There is a dark cloud hovering over him lately.
