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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
7 year old son with Separation Anxiety
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
7 year old son with Separation Anxiety
by Cavalier KCSmom, Jun 28, 2005 12:00AM
I am desperate for help/advice. My 7 year old son has always had issues with separation and we had hoped that by now he would outgrow it, but it has reached the point where I fear it may not. He will not go to any friend's home for a playdate (with one exception), he will not participate in little league etc. even though he is an excellent athelete, and he even follows me around our home (only 2000 sq ft) and gets extremely stressed out if he cannot find me. Last summer I put him in a three hour a day basketball camp where I ended up having to stay with him because he was in tears that I would not pick him up. This summer I put him in a summer school program for a few hours, and after only three days he was making himself sick in the morning out of fear that I would not pick him. I guess I had hoped that by making him do these things he would realize that he could in fact handle it. He did very well in 1st grade last year and with the exception of going to friends' homes, we felt that he was improving. He has NEVER been left anywhere so to us the fear seems so unfounded. Last summer we saw a counselor who told us that much of his issue was with control...that he became fearful whenever he had no control over a situation. I can see where this is true, however, it just seems like all of the fun of childhood is passing him by because he is so scared. Of course, being that he is a boy both my family and my in-laws have become very judgemental and probably have even fueled the problem with their disapproval and intolerance of his fears. Do I continue to try to let him work this out in his own time or do I seek some psychological help. I am truly at my wits end both from worry and the stress I feel from having a 7 year old that barely wants to leave my side.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jun 29, 2005 12:00AM
, Jun 29, 2005 12:00AM
From a behavior management point of view, you would be prudent to continue to introduce him to age typical activities and pursuits, and to insist that he see them through. In other words, do not take him out of activities simple because he's upset. You won't be hurting him by doing this. In addition, it would be wise to seek an evaluation, if for no other reason that to availa yourself of a consultant as you move along. Most children who display this particular type of anxiety disorder have never undergone any particular trauma that explains the behavior. It is a biologically-based emotional disorder and it is quite likely that there is some family history of anxiety disorder.
My problem is in the home where he is always calling out for me , when i'm not in eye view, needing to know i am always there , also at night when i put him to bed he is always talking to me down the stairs while he should be trying to sleep and this goes on until he falls asleep, calling i love you etc and looking for things to discuss.
I also can not go out at all during the day or evening with out him , as panic sets in , and i can see the fright on his face even if i say im just going to the car to get something,it has become very fustrating for us both, another issue is parties he will not go unless i stay , and i do stay because i don't want him or his sister to miss out on the fun! my life revolves around my sons anxieties and i am starting to feel very resentful about this , as i feel we are stuck in a rut so to speak. The only thing i can put his anxieties down to is that when he was about 18months old i had to leave him over night in hospital with a bad chest , while i had to go home to put my other 3 siblings to bed , and could not return until following morning as i am single parent and have no family support, i really could do with some advice on this matter as i'm starting to feel alone with it all, and don't know where to turn, apart from my son's anxieties he is a happy healthy cheeky rascal, and i feel it is all holding him back so much in life