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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Is scratching, hitting and hair pulling normal in a 5 year old girl?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Is scratching, hitting and hair pulling normal in a 5 year old girl?
by maflmf, Oct 18, 2005 12:00AM
We live next door to a family that has 3 young daughters-one is 6 months, one is 2 years old, the other is 5. My 6 year old daughter has played with the 5 year old for a couple years. During that time, the neighbor girl would push our daughter down, hit her, scratch in the face, pull her hair etc. (However, she only acts like this when the girls are at her house, never at ours.) Lately it seems as if its becoming more frequent and more aggressive. She also always initiates "ganging up" on a third child when 3 are playing together, whether it be my daughter or another neighbor child. We've spoken to the parents several times, in a very non-confrontational manner. They apologize and make the little girl tell our daughter she's sorry. Beyond that, I don't know what they are doing for discipline. (I do know they are very easy going parents...) My concern is this: last week our daughter came home with a deep scratch down the length of her nose (I'm thinking it will scar), another scratch under her eye and a faint bruise on her other cheek bone. She had told the neighbor girl that she had written the letter "e" incorrectly and the neighbor girl scratched he in the face. Our daughter tried to scratch her back (which, unfortunately, we told our daughter to defend herself), the neighbor girl said "that didn't hurt" and punched our daughter in the face. This time I lost my temper and had a loud discussion with the neighbor's mom. She asked me what I wanted her to do ("Control your child"), and she said that all 5 year-olds do this, and that if I believe that her child is the only one who does this, then I should keep my kids out of her yard, off her swing set etc. (Which is the point we are at anyway...we should have kept our child away long before this...alot of this is our fault because we let our daughter keep going back for the abuse.) What I want to know is, is this normal behavior in the neighbor child? Am I being unreasonable when I get angry with this parent for not doing something about this behavior or is it to be expected? As an aside, the neighbor's 2-year old daughter is on the same path, doing the same things to my 2 year old son.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Oct 18, 2005 12:00AM
, Oct 18, 2005 12:00AM
You likely already know the answer to your questions. The aggressive behavior absolutely is not to be regarded as normal. Now, your response to the neighbor is up to you. There's no need to be angry - you simply need to do what is sensible to protect your children. Unfortunately, you cannot dicate how another parent will respond. All you can do is act in the best interest of your own children.
Sorry for rambling on. Hope this helps!