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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
My soon to be 5 year old can't keep his hands off of girls behinds!
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
My soon to be 5 year old can't keep his hands off of girls behinds!
by redefinedivy, Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
Can anyone please offer any suggestions/advice to end this behavior.
For this past school year there has been a several (about 8-10) instances that my son has touched girls behinds in his class. It began happening around October when he saw the crack of a girl's behind sitting next to him and he put his hand inside the back of her pants. This has happened in similar incidents. His teachers can actually tell when he is about to do it. If a girl sits near him, his eye will follow their behind, like he is getting ready to touch them.
I have always talked to Elijah about respecting other's personal space and bodies. We talk about how no one is supposed to touch his private areas and he should not do that to anyone else. I check in with him delicately to make sure no one is invading his space.
The teachers and I have tried to handle this in a few ways:
we try to play on his empathy for others (he is very caring, and sensitive to others around him). We've said " Elijah, you do not want to hurt your friends or make them sad?" He says no. We tell him that by touching his friends/students private areas is not a good thing to do and that he is being hurtful to his friends.
The other thing that has been done that I do not agree with is that he is not allowed to sit next to girls. The students even know about this and will yell "Elijah you can't sit next to girls!" I found this out when I dropped him off at school the other day and asked him to sit down next to a girl and they yelled exactly that! Elijah was visibly upset and said mommy I can't sit next to girls.
I feel this will be detrimental to Elijah's development. I think this will hinder his socializing with females. I do understand that this is totally wrong behavior for my son to do and it can not continue. But is there a better way we can handle this without ostricizng him. I want him to grow up to be a healthy young man that can social and interact with females and not have any ill or confusing feelings towards them.
Is there anything we can do to help him sit next to a girl or interact with a girl and keep his hands to himself. Please help us. My son is one of the most beautiful and caring boys that I know. His teachers love him, but we are stumped on what can we do in a healthy way for both him and the girls in stopping this kind of behavior. Your suggestions/advice is very much appreciate!!thank you!!
For this past school year there has been a several (about 8-10) instances that my son has touched girls behinds in his class. It began happening around October when he saw the crack of a girl's behind sitting next to him and he put his hand inside the back of her pants. This has happened in similar incidents. His teachers can actually tell when he is about to do it. If a girl sits near him, his eye will follow their behind, like he is getting ready to touch them.
I have always talked to Elijah about respecting other's personal space and bodies. We talk about how no one is supposed to touch his private areas and he should not do that to anyone else. I check in with him delicately to make sure no one is invading his space.
The teachers and I have tried to handle this in a few ways:
we try to play on his empathy for others (he is very caring, and sensitive to others around him). We've said " Elijah, you do not want to hurt your friends or make them sad?" He says no. We tell him that by touching his friends/students private areas is not a good thing to do and that he is being hurtful to his friends.
The other thing that has been done that I do not agree with is that he is not allowed to sit next to girls. The students even know about this and will yell "Elijah you can't sit next to girls!" I found this out when I dropped him off at school the other day and asked him to sit down next to a girl and they yelled exactly that! Elijah was visibly upset and said mommy I can't sit next to girls.
I feel this will be detrimental to Elijah's development. I think this will hinder his socializing with females. I do understand that this is totally wrong behavior for my son to do and it can not continue. But is there a better way we can handle this without ostricizng him. I want him to grow up to be a healthy young man that can social and interact with females and not have any ill or confusing feelings towards them.
Is there anything we can do to help him sit next to a girl or interact with a girl and keep his hands to himself. Please help us. My son is one of the most beautiful and caring boys that I know. His teachers love him, but we are stumped on what can we do in a healthy way for both him and the girls in stopping this kind of behavior. Your suggestions/advice is very much appreciate!!thank you!!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
, Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
From a behavior management perspective, the task is pretty straightforward. Your son has been told to stop the behavior; if it occurs he should be given an immediate time out and then do something constructive to make amends to the person he offended. Now, a further issue involves whatever is prompting the beahvior. It is likely it represents either an impulse control disorder or developmentally immature impulse control. In any case, you should arrange an evaluation for him to pinpoint the diagnosis. The behavior you describe may be part of a pattern of impulsivity that might require professional attention. We are glad of course to reciev inquiries here about various behaviors and situations. At the same time, it is sometimes of concern that people will go to great lengths to interact on the internet about their children and beg for help, while not seeking professional help that is right at their fingertips. So please, arrange an evaluation for your son - you have nothing to lose by doing so.
Member Comments (3)
by redefinedivy, Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
Thanks for your response. I have actually contacted a professional and yesterday was his first session to try and discover what is prompting this behavior. Your response is greatly appreciated.
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
, Aug 04, 2006 12:00AM
Excellent. You're doing the right thing and I hope it proves helpful for your son.
