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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Tantrums in a 9 year old girl
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Tantrums in a 9 year old girl
by amcollins, Sep 26, 2006 12:00AM
My daughter was adopted from an orphanage in Urkraine at 3 years old. We have always had issues with temper tantrums, early on healthcare professionals and school assessment personnel indicated she was "testing" us, and/or they were hunger/tired/overstimulated responses. Russian was her first language and she has strugged with English. She finds school very difficult, and at first school assessment personnel thought she might have some sort of oral processing disorder, but they have ruled that out and say her assessment scores are consistent with processing issues due to language difficulties, i. e. English as a Second Language. She is in speech therapy and other remedial programs at school to assist her (she is far behind in reading, etc.) So 6 years later (after her adoption), the tantrums continue. They are pretty frequent, almost every other day, generally when we ask her to do something, particularly school related, when she would rather watch TV or play with friends. She throws herself into a tizzy and even if she starts out faking it, it is as if she works herself into a state where she cannot be reasoned with, and starts with the "I hate you", and sometimes kicking and screaming, or writhing on the floor. It may be because I have spoiled her -- when we first adopted her she was malnourished and very sick, she had badly scarred ears from years of ear infections and had constant lung problems and recurring pnemonia -- but now she is generally much healthier, although she still gets overstimulated pretty easily -- long days without down time or a new adventure (when she first went to day camp this summer she came home and fell asleep on the couch). Are these tantrums and overwhelmed behavior normal or should we be seeking some professional help (other than the school assessment folks who have ruled out ADD)? Help!
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Sep 26, 2006 12:00AM
, Sep 26, 2006 12:00AM
No, the behavior is not normal for her age. It would be wise to have her evaluated by a pediatric mental health professional. The purpose of the evaluation would be to determine the nature of the behavior (any one symptom can represent any number of conditions or disorders) and to provide you with guidance about how to proceed. It may be that she is displaying regressed behavior that is the by-product of her early years of probably inadequate parenting; it may be that she displays a biologically-based emotional disorder; it may be that she displays overlapping conditions. The evaluation will help to pinpoint what is occurring.
Member Comments (4)
by finkaz, Sep 26, 2006 12:00AM
To: am collins
your daughter sounds like a perfectly normal daughter have you ever heard that saying "i'd have a houseful of boys, but not girls" oh boy are they hard work" Girls can way out tantrum boys! my daughter once had 9 in 1 day, she has mainly grown out of them at sixteen but not totally! she has however managed to control her temper better as she has got older. One thing i will say is to stay calm don't fight fire with fire, ensure she is safe and tell her you wont speak with her until she has calmed down let her have some time alone if she wants or alternatively when she has calmed down give her a cuddle and discuss it (difficult i know when you want to throttle them) remember girls are hard work, I teach at a school for excluded pupils and the girls are far more difficult ie bitchy, awkward, verbal, emotional than the boys. You are not alone most people with daughters experience some of these sypmptoms not all of the symptoms because not everyone is the same but many of them are common to girls, just ask around. Stay calm, grit your teeth they get better at about 23 im told. Good luck!
by amcollins, Sep 26, 2006 12:00AM
Thank you! I needed to hear that!
by lucylocket2, Oct 09, 2006 12:00AM
I have two daughters. right now they are both ten. They are ten months apart. So, same age for a couple of months. I think the way your daughter is acting is normal. My girls have done that may times many times. She knows wha she is doing. she can do that and not have to do what you are telling her to do. It's past testing, she has gotten her way. When my girls would do that I'd just leave them laying there and say. .well, you acting like this means it's just going to be longer till you get to play.Because your gonna do what I told you to. Or, I would switch their legs . That was usually the most effective.You may not bekieve in spanking though. what ever you choose, I hope it works. Good luck!
by annasaunt, Jul 18, 2008 09:35PM
A related discussion, Russian Adopted 9 year old Girl was started.
