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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)

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Need bedtime help

Answered by

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention

Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates

This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development

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MedHelp Member's Question

Need bedtime help

by MomOfTwoGrls, Apr 06, 2007 12:00AM

Tags: child, child behavior

My 28 month old has grown out of her crib.  So we have moved her to a toddler bed.  We did everything people suggested.  We let her pick out her own bed, and bedding to go with it.   Her bedroom routine hasn't changed.

BUT... We can't get her to stay in her bed.  We have done everything from laying with her, to commanding her, to using the supernanny technique of putting her in bed telling her its bedtime and then ignoring her and just replacing her when she gets out.  However this doesn't work.  We put her to bed at 8pm and we are lucky if she is asleep by 2am.  My husband has to get up at 6am for work so he is tired and cranky from lack of sleep.  This has been going on for 3 weeks.  I am at my wits end with her.  We have also tried moving her bedtime back and hour and forward an hour.  Doesn't help.

Please help me.

Doctor's Answer

by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.

, Apr 07, 2007 12:00AM

It is likely that you, like many parents, moved your child out of her crib too soon. Children of your daughter's age aren't famous for their impulse control. When you describe your daughter's having 'grown out of her crib', what do you mean? In what sense had she outgrown her crib? Many parents make the understandable mistake of moving children too soon into a bed. Do you think perhaps you have made this mistake? If so, it's not too late to reverse direction.

Member Comments (6)

by alec'smom, Apr 07, 2007 12:00AM

I tend to agree with the doctor. 28 months is pretty young to move to a bed. Although, my son started climbing out of his crib when he was 23 months old. The crib was at the lowest level. It did not happen often between 23 and 25 months, but at 25 months, he was constantly crawling out and going head first most of the time. Worried for his safety, I moved him to his toddler bed. It was awful for a few months. I finally put a gate across his bedroom door (like a doggy gate). It was too high for him to crawl over. But the door to his room was open and he could see out. He would usually end up falling asleep on the floor in front of the gate, but he was in his room. Eventually, he decided that his bed was more comfortable. And, I did not have to take him back to his room 100 times a night because he could not get out. On the other hand, my daughter was 3 before I finally moved her to her bed. She loved her crib and had no interest in crawling out. That transition was nowhere near as hard because she was older. It took about 2 to 3 nights for her and we were back on her schedule. Good Luck - this too will pass.

by peekawho, Apr 08, 2007 12:00AM

If you are consistent and don't ever give in, the behavior should eventually be corrected.  The problem is in giving in even ONE time.  It reinforces to the child to persist and cry longer and try to escape more frequently.  Intermittently rewarding bad behavior is the BEST way to keep the unwanted behavior going.

If you can't or wont go back to the crib, try the baby gate that the other poster mentioned.  And keep up with the "supernanny" technique.  But you will have to do it every single night without fail.  No arguing or yelling at the child during the process.  Just replace the child in the bed, over and over and over and over without comment, discussion, or negotiations.
Try to do this when you guys have some time off, so work isn't as much of an issue.

But be consistent.  If you give in once, the unwanted behavior will persist that much longer.

by Forkeaps, Apr 10, 2007 12:00AM

To: Momoftwogirls

We put our three and a half year old in her twin bed at 27 months, and she did fine. She was so excited about her "Big Girl Bed" like her big sister. She sleeps with a low radio, or a white noise machine so that she doesn't hear what is going on in the house. Nosey as all get out....she'd never go to sleep if she could hear us. She has to have her door shut, and no night light...

What I am saying is that every kid is different, and they sort of tell you what they want/need. One of mine has a night light, the other doesn't. ETC....

Also I cut out caffeine (chocolate in the granola bars or cookies, that sip of mommies soda) after 5pm. I am so affected by sugar and caffiene ...why wouldn't someone an 1/8th of my size be any different.

Good Luck!

by D99G03, Apr 16, 2007 12:00AM

Tried the gate in the door but my daughter could get over it.  Very worried about safety because we had a huge addition being done at that time and it was very unfinished and dangerous.  Her room was downstairs and we were upstairs and I never would have hear her if she got up.  She could have come up to us and fallen through the unfinished flooring through the downstairs ceiling so I resorted to a child-safety knob on the inside of her door.

We completely child proofed her room and kept the baby monitor on full blast next to our bed.  This way I could hear ANYTHING in her room.  She also used, and still uses at 4 yrs., both a night light and a sound machine on white noise ... for same reason as another post ... to block noise.  It truly works, I have been in her room when it's been on and you can't hear, we have even had parties in the next room.

Bottom line, when she realized she couldn't get out she stopped trying and eventually stayed in bed.  One reason this worked was we started very early on (& young) so she never really knoew otherwise.

Good luck!

by almommy, May 06, 2007 12:00AM

To: bedtime problems

I will occasionally have these problems with my son, who just turned 3. My 5 year old has been in a racecar bed since he got out of the crib and a few months ago we got a matching bed for my 3 year old. I believe he was about 30 months when we got him out of the crib, due to the same fears, falling on his head, etc. Our problem is that the younger one will climb into bed with his brother and not let him sleep, try to play very late, etc. I find that the more active they are during the day, the quicker they fall asleep, so I really try to get them into some physical activity after school, running around outside if it is nice, or playing some games inside if not. Most nights we don't have trouble, but if it comes, it seems to come on rainy days...I think that a set bedtime routine also helps, bathtime, story time, etc. We also sing songs once the lights are out. But, it seems the most helpful thing is the passage of time...Good luck.

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