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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
5-year old separation anxiety and anger
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
5-year old separation anxiety and anger
by Franche26, Jul 19, 2007 12:00AM
Hi,
Last year my daughter started having some temper tantrums at daycare. She will start throwing rocks while playing outside and after telling her "stop" she started her tantrum. Her dad was deployed on August 2005. Grandma came to visit in October 2005. We moved to our house in October 2005. Her sister was born on November 2005. Daddy came for 2 weeks in May 2006. School (pre-K) started on August 2006. Grandma went back home in September 2006. Daddy came back home in October 2006. She will follow directions from daddy. She started having problems in school (throwing things, kicking, spitting). She was suspended from school for a day (Pre-K). She was having the same behaviour at the after school daycare (throwing things, kicking, spitting, hitting). She will start her thing and "call for daddy". As soon as daddy got there, she will be quiet and stop her misbehaving. ADD and ADHD was ruled out since this behaviour is not at home, grandma or relatives house, just school and daycare. She was referred to a child pschicologist. No more follow up was needed. Back to daycare...2 hours later she was being picked up for another outburst. Back to the doctor no ADD or ADHD or anything needing medication. She has been sent back to psichologist. Magnesium and Omega 3. No TV. No Bday party. No going outside. I am tired. I don't know what else to do. How can I understand what's wrong with her or what's going on?
Please, I need some advise.
Last year my daughter started having some temper tantrums at daycare. She will start throwing rocks while playing outside and after telling her "stop" she started her tantrum. Her dad was deployed on August 2005. Grandma came to visit in October 2005. We moved to our house in October 2005. Her sister was born on November 2005. Daddy came for 2 weeks in May 2006. School (pre-K) started on August 2006. Grandma went back home in September 2006. Daddy came back home in October 2006. She will follow directions from daddy. She started having problems in school (throwing things, kicking, spitting). She was suspended from school for a day (Pre-K). She was having the same behaviour at the after school daycare (throwing things, kicking, spitting, hitting). She will start her thing and "call for daddy". As soon as daddy got there, she will be quiet and stop her misbehaving. ADD and ADHD was ruled out since this behaviour is not at home, grandma or relatives house, just school and daycare. She was referred to a child pschicologist. No more follow up was needed. Back to daycare...2 hours later she was being picked up for another outburst. Back to the doctor no ADD or ADHD or anything needing medication. She has been sent back to psichologist. Magnesium and Omega 3. No TV. No Bday party. No going outside. I am tired. I don't know what else to do. How can I understand what's wrong with her or what's going on?
Please, I need some advise.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 20, 2007 12:00AM
, Jul 20, 2007 12:00AM
The pattern you describe is significant for the multiple losses and transitions your daughter has experienced at a very young age, at a time when development (including socialization to school) demands stability and consistency. It's clear that your daughter feels vulnerable when away from home, and this vulnerability is evident in her aggressive, disorganized behavior. Going forward, it will be critical that she stay in school and that, when she behaves in the ways you describe, she is disciplined at school and not sent home. If the behavior is 'rewarded' by her being reunited with the family, it will only reinforce the very thing you want to stop. It is also important for her to be in weekly, not occasional, therapy. But the critical aspect of her treatment will be the manner in which the behavior is managed.
I would talk with the psychologist before making any changes in your child's life at this point.
Hope you don't mind me butting in again!
One more thing, if your child is going to Kindergarten in the public school and there is any type of problem they may suggest an evaluation that they would pay for. Then they would supply you with additional help....maybe the school has a behaviorist on staff they could write up a behavior plan for you....etc.