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silent miscarriage

by Love143, Jan 09, 2005 12:00AM
i posted on this forum on the 5th regarding brown spotting at 10 weeks. i went for the scan the following morning. saw the baby but.. there was no heartbeat. they said i had a silent miscarriage. that was on thursday. they gave me some tablet that day to help me miscarry. saturday i went back and was made to stay in the hospital from 9am - 7 pm in which time i miscarried the baby in one go. they sent me home with some antibiotics. i am gonna be bleeding for about 10 days..that was the easy part.



i am having so much trouble coming to terms with it. i still feel pregnant. i want my baby back..sometimes i understand and sometimes i don't. this was our first baby and i just want it. i have cried since thursday and i am still not over it. i am gone off food because i made myself eat before because i was carrying a baby. but i don't get the point of it now.



my husband is being very supportive. he promised that we will have another one soon.. but i am scared whether sumthing is wrong with me or is it sumthing i did.. i was so careful.. stupid ppl never explained anything. they just its just nature's way of stopping something thats gone wrong.



i just needed to blab it all out..when would i stop feeling pg? when will my next period, my usual date or 28 days from the day i started bleeding? WILL I BE ABLE To CONCEIVe again????? thanks so much
Member Comments (11)

by carolyn55806, Jan 09, 2005 12:00AM
Hi. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I miscarried in November after spotting and an ultrasound that said there was abnormal heartbeat, etc. I know how you feel and it's so hard, no matter how early you were in the pregnancy. The reason why the hospital didn't explain anything to you is that, unfortunately, there isn't anything to explain. Almost a quarter of all pregnancies end in mc....as huge as that number seems...it's true. When there is nothing wrong with you physically (and they can usually see if there is something wrong with your anatomy with the ultrasound) the only explanation is that there was something chromasomally wrong with the baby. I felt pregnant afterwards, too, and couldn't quite come to terms with what had just happened. But now, a couple months later I feel more at peace. Remember that whenever you get pregnant with your next baby----THAT baby wouldn't exist if your first had survived to term. So there must be something very special in store for the baby you are supposed to have next. Also--- don't worry about there being anything wrong with you. these things happen and chances are you are FINE. Try again when you're ready. Let us know what happens. Feel free to email me at ***@****. Also- I got my period almost a month to the day that I started miscarrying...but with other women it could be anywhere from 3-7 weeks.  You DO ovulate before you get your next period so if you don't want to get pregnant again right away, you might want to use protection.

by Stacie30, Jan 09, 2005 12:00AM
I know exactly how you feel. The exact same thing happened to me. I was 12 weeks (so I thought) started having a little bit of brown spotting and went in for an ultrasound. Turns out the baby stopped growing at around 8 weeks. I was devastated. I cried and cried and cried. We had tried for 3.5 years to have our baby and we already loved it like it was already born. I don't think I have ever gone through something so hard in my entire life.



Bit of advice- there is absolutely nothing anyone can say or do to make this better for you. Don't feel like it's something you should just be able to snap out of. You lost a child, nothing anyone says can invalidate that. Let yourself grieve how you need to, not how others tell you that you should. I will tell you it gets a little easier every day, somehow.



It's been 18 months since this happened to me and I'd say it was a good 6 months before I could think about it without crying, and still when I think about it I get sad.



Good news- more than likely you will get pregnant again!! I'm 7 weeks now and every day i think about what could go wrong, but so far so good. :o)



Hang in there, and if you need to talk just let me know. I've been there.

by mary16, Jan 10, 2005 12:00AM
Hi so sorry to hear about what u went through. You know what i have been through the same thing not once but four times. The first three were miscarriages and the last that i went through in august was an ectopic. It was soooo hard for me to get over each of the pregnancies coz both my hus and i want a baby so badly. But than i have left everything to God. I have put my hope in Him. I believe in Him. Put your faith in God. He will help you.

by Myah's Mom, Jan 10, 2005 12:00AM
To: Love143
I am so sorry this has happened to you. I too miscarried, as many of the women on this board have. As one of the other gals said, there is nothing anyone is going to say to make you feel better at this point-only time. Miscarriages, as terrible as they are to cope with, are extremely common. With a 25% chance, that's like 4 friends, all pregnant, and one will likely miscarry. Kind of puts it in perspective, doesn't it? In our mothers, and grandmother's generations, woman miscarried, but noone knew the difference, It's just our technology that allows us to become more involved, more attached to the pregnancy, etc. It very likely does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. In fact, doctors don't even consider a woman to be "at risk" of miscarrying unless she has had three miscarriages! You are very normal, and you are obviously able to conceive. You will again, when you are ready. Most women have their period 28 days after they mc. Some doctors think you should wait for one full cycle, both for timing purposes, and so that you start with a "clean slate", if you will.

As for eating, you need to start stockpiling your nutrients now for when you get pregnant again! Think about that next little angel who is waiting in the wings for you. He or she (or both!) need Mommy to take care of herself now, to help make a healthy baby later. Keep taking prenatals, or at the very least, folic acid. Maybe focusing on conceiving again might lift your spirits. If not, take some time to mourn and heal. Take time from work, go for some walks, talk to your friends-whatever works. Until then, we are all here for you, and sending you baby dust.



Myah's Mom

by Love143, Jan 10, 2005 12:00AM
oh thanks all for replying..(hugs) i really love every1 here, they are all so helpful. today i have talked to ppl about it, answering their questions..its still hard but i think i will get there. i just find it so hard with these questions,what did u do or did they tell u what was wrong with u or didn't u know what u weren't supposed to do or it wasn't even a baby and etc.. i don't think i will ever forget my baby..i just wished i had known the gender, so i can name the baby and remember it. my husband writes poems a lot, so he is writing me a poem about our baby..i thought that was really sweet.



i am so sorry that u all have gone thru it, i just wouldn't wish this on any1. i hope u all have a beautiful and healthy babies without any probs. thanks all for ur support.

by Marylalor, Jan 10, 2005 12:00AM
You poor little pet.  I understand how horrible you're feeling right now.  My baby was stillborn on Nov. 2nd, and the grief at times has been unbearable. What you are feeling is COMPLETELY NORMAL.  It's horrible, but WILL get better.  It'll take time, lots of crying, and bad days but will eventually get easier even though it may feel impossible right now.  Take your time, grieve for your baby.  A life is a life no matter how small, that was your precious baby, and no other baby will be that baby.  It's horrible that things like this happen, but you'll be ok.  I remember feeling like you after, turning food away, smoking cigarettes because I felt my body was worth nothing unless it was nurturing a baby, and I wanted to punish it for not doing it's job while I was pregnant.  Try eating fruit, it's an upper. You'll have to eat again if you want to conceive again, and you will concieve again.  Technically it can happen even before you get your next period.  And it was NOT your fault.  You did nothing wrong.  There's women out there who smoke crack and don't have miscarriages.  Don't beat yourself up if you had a cup of coffee, or glass of wine.  You'll never know why your precious baby wasn't meant to make it in this world, but there will be another baby that WILL make it.  Take care and take it easy.  Have a glass wine and relax.  I live in Ireland and go on a website called 'babyloss' and it's on www.ezboard.com  I highly recomment it, it has a great support system for women who have lost babies at any stage.  Hope this helps.  My name in babyloss is 'Marina53' I'm mostly in the ttc board, if you make your way over say hello. Sending lots and lots of hugs and babydust for the future.

Love,

Mary

by 5kids247, Jan 10, 2005 12:00AM
To: Love143 § Kellied
I posted this on 1-7in a thread opened by kellied~I just want you to know~my heart feels for you. I am so sorry - for you and all the others - and unfortunately there are too many of us that can relate, feel and understand... And my heart goes out to you more than you will EVER now. In my book - one m/c is more than anyone should EVER have to go through, but unfortunately there is nothing no-one can do or NOT do to prevent m/c's -And I KNOW that doesn't help either. I too have had MANY of those same questions...MANY MANY times! And always left unanswered. I can TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. It wasn't all that long ago I was in your same shoes and having a VERY hard time coping with another loss. (I have had 12 mc's total & 13 babies lost) And NEVER EVER did it get any easier. I always tried to humor myself and say "you'd think that by now I'd be use to it" ha ha - but it only hurt more and more and more. I felt like I was failing everyone - my husband, my family and even the unborn baby I so desperately wanted. My baby was 6, and in the 4 years after she was born I lost 4 more in a row-13,17,18 & 22 weeks.It was extremely difficult. I think I live in "BABY HEAVEN" here - EVERYONE around me was having babies -it was literally like there was "something" in the water-only I got the "bad" water, and it never failed with each one of my losses, I was due within days of someone else - so when their babies came, it was even harder. After my last mc I fell of the band wagon completely! My doc too thought that I would never be able emotionally to make it through another loss-my DH and kids were suffering too -I knew it - but I couldn't get myself together. My last one required a d&c, of which it was the first I had ever had to have, my body naturally aborted all but the last one - no signs of mc at all, just went in for the u/s and there was no heartbeat - awful! (I was 22 weeks) I told my doc when they were in there cleaning me out to just remove it all - EVERYTHING! I was done! I was 37! I'd had enough! Well, he refused, he told me to wait at least 6 months then come back in and talk to him. He put me on bc pills for 4 months-I have NEVER taken anything ever in my life. (Due to my friend "ENDO"...it was hard enough ttc.) About a month after the d&c I had to ask for some help with depression and anxiety-I'm not big on meds -but I needed something-for my sake and mostly my families sake. I too didn't care to eat, shower, go out of the house and even more, cared if I got out of bed. I took that for about 3 months and slowly started feeling better.(By 4 months I was able to tapper off and felt normal again.) At my 6 mo visit w/dr, I was glad that he hadn't cleaned me out. I still desperatly wanted another baby, my dh, not so much-he was worried about me and how I would deal with another loss. Well, 1 year and 4 months after my D&C I was pregnant- but at first they thought that I had some sort of cancer, so went through a few different tests and when nothing showed up there, they did a u/s & discovered low & behold I was pregnant. I had a new doc and he immediately started me on hormones, baby asprin, and something else - can't remember - but I KNOW that this is what got this little BLESSING and BONUS caboose to us. It was by far the BEST of my pgs and least complicated-and even high risk, I felt better. Funny thing was - we weren't even trying - we are still a little baffled as to how she came to be (LOL) So....Don't give up! Believe me, I know just how hard it is to deal with, but I also know that my world wouldn't be complete without our caboose. You still know what is best for you...just don't rush it. I'm in agreeance with the others. My prayers are with you! With all of you who are in these shoes, have been (or might be) - heaven forbid! Good luck to you with whatever you decide to do!(Kellie- don't rush a decision...you have time) Hang in there! If you ever need to chat-I can listen, feel, understand & relate to your pain (unfortunatley)but none the less - I can. I know it is easier said than done-(I've been there too) just try to concentrate and focus on other things and people right now. Get involved with something you enjoy doing - craft night, book clubs, dinner groups, something-it helps. Even if it is only for an hour-it does help. Sorry to ramble - just wanted you to know that my heart feels for you, and I know where you are coming from....Good luck...You're in my prayers!(((((((hugs!!!!)))))))

by Myah's Mom, Jan 11, 2005 12:00AM
To: Skids247
All I can say, beyond sorry for your suffering, also, is what a tremendously strong woman you obviously are. What an inspiration-can't say I'd be able to do the same.

by Love143, Jan 11, 2005 12:00AM
i am so grateful for every1 in this forum who r helping me get thru this..i am feeling much better now days. i will be lying if i said i would forget about it becoz i can't. that was our first baby, it will always be. we r both so disappointed..u know sumtimes even though u know these things happens, i just never thought i will be one as well because it was too hard to even imagine.



i am so sorry for every1 thats going thru losses..i have comforted my friends in this situation b4 but never knew what awful that feeling was. now i am going thru it, i just think there are no words to comfort one in that situation. i am starting to think positive but its sore horrible..i still feel pg, apart from going to the loo. sore boobs, green veins..they all there still. i hope they go away soon. because sumtimes i wake up thinking i am still pg, then i just remember what happened..its like having to go thru it everyday. i just keep thinking it was all a bad dream.. but its not. suppose i will get over it in time..



thanks all so much. take care of urselves and good luck

by ateam, Apr 24, 2008 11:28AM
To: Love143
I can relate i didnt know anything at all about silent miscarriages until I experienced it myself personally.  I started spotting at 7 weeks i went to emergency room but they found heartbeat on ultrasound so i thought everything was okay.  It was not until i went to my first prenatal visit 10 days later did i realize i had a silent miscarriage My doctor could not find a fetal heartbeat on ultrasound.  Right now the baby is still inside on me so its hard for me to come to grasp w/ my loss.