Aa
The Husband from Hell
I'm still married to him but, have finally decided to get out. At a minimum he has BPD...he has outbursts of inappropriate/ intense anger; impulsivity in spending, reckless driving, and substance use; and alternates between extremes of idealization & devaluation in interpersonal relationships. I also have diagnosed him as having LDI (lying, denying, ingnoring) syndrome. Unfortunately, it has been his persistent and destructive lying which have become intolerable. He doesn't have a conscience so of course there is no remorse. I have been present when he has told lies to others and in their presence "called" him on it...he doesn't even attempt to deny it, just changes the subject or excuses himself. He has bragged to others what a great person, wife, and mother I am...behind closed doors, I'm blamed for any and every thing that does and will go wrong. When I do let his actions and accusations upset me, he berates me and tells me I'm the one in need of counseling. If I choose to ignore him, he threatens me and tells me to "get out." I would've already been gone had I a place to go besides a safe shelter which isn't really appropriate since there has been no physical abuse. I know there's not much help for him since he refuses to acknowledge he has a problem...My question: Am I safe living with this personality until I can find a way out?
Cathy , This seems like another case of borderline/antisocial
mixed presonality disorder.What you can do is to manipulate things to your advantage .
Be patient ! Panic or an impulsive decision is not going to help.
Make a mental plan or a plan with a friend - how can you be selfsufficient or independent.For example try doing a diploma that can get you a descent job or if you are already qualified try finding a job.Find a living place ,its best to share a place with someone - cause it well cut expenses.
Inform your friends and family about your plan and than you can inform your husband about it .Also tell him that your friends and family now about it and they will inform the authorities if he tried to create any trouble.
Say good bye to the man and start a new life.
mixed presonality disorder.What you can do is to manipulate things to your advantage .
Be patient ! Panic or an impulsive decision is not going to help.
Make a mental plan or a plan with a friend - how can you be selfsufficient or independent.For example try doing a diploma that can get you a descent job or if you are already qualified try finding a job.Find a living place ,its best to share a place with someone - cause it well cut expenses.
Inform your friends and family about your plan and than you can inform your husband about it .Also tell him that your friends and family now about it and they will inform the authorities if he tried to create any trouble.
Say good bye to the man and start a new life.
I'M VERY CONCERNED FOR MY DAUGHTER AND HER 5 MONTH OLD SON.
HER HUSBAND HAS BECOME VERY ERATIC IN MOOD SWINGS. HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS GOING, WHEN IS SHE COMING BACK, WHO IS SHE SEEING, WHY IS SHE WEARING LIPSTICK, WHY IS SHE GETTING DRESSED UP FOR WORK. HE COMPLAINS THAT SHE IS NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME PLAYING WITH THE BABY. SHE WORKS FROM 5:00 PM TO 1:00 AM, GETS HOME, UNWINDS THEN GOES TO BED AROUND 3:00 AM. THE BABY WAKES HER UP AT 6:00 OR 7:00 AM AND KEEPS HER UP MOST OF THE DAY.
SHE IS CONSTANTLY TIRED, BUT IS TRYING TO MAKE A GO OF HER MARRIAGE. HER HUSBAND WILL NOT LET HER LEAVE HIS SIGHT. IF SHE GOES ANYWHERE, HE WILL EITHER PAGE HER OR PHONE HER.
HE HAS THREATENED TO SHOOT HIMSELF IF SHE LEAVES HIM, BUT WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. PLEASE HELP WITH SOME ADVICE AS HOW TO HANDLE THIS TYPE OF SITUATION. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HE IS ON THE "EDGE".
HER HUSBAND HAS BECOME VERY ERATIC IN MOOD SWINGS. HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS GOING, WHEN IS SHE COMING BACK, WHO IS SHE SEEING, WHY IS SHE WEARING LIPSTICK, WHY IS SHE GETTING DRESSED UP FOR WORK. HE COMPLAINS THAT SHE IS NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME PLAYING WITH THE BABY. SHE WORKS FROM 5:00 PM TO 1:00 AM, GETS HOME, UNWINDS THEN GOES TO BED AROUND 3:00 AM. THE BABY WAKES HER UP AT 6:00 OR 7:00 AM AND KEEPS HER UP MOST OF THE DAY.
SHE IS CONSTANTLY TIRED, BUT IS TRYING TO MAKE A GO OF HER MARRIAGE. HER HUSBAND WILL NOT LET HER LEAVE HIS SIGHT. IF SHE GOES ANYWHERE, HE WILL EITHER PAGE HER OR PHONE HER.
HE HAS THREATENED TO SHOOT HIMSELF IF SHE LEAVES HIM, BUT WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. PLEASE HELP WITH SOME ADVICE AS HOW TO HANDLE THIS TYPE OF SITUATION. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT HE IS ON THE "EDGE".
hi i am from florida. my family seems to always get the wrong men and it seems to me that i have done the same without even knowing it tell i listen to their stories. i am know 17 yrs old , when i was 14 i started dating a guy who was alot older then me but my mentallity was as old as his. when the relationship started to seem like we where ment to be he thought it be best if he had controll over me and he became very abusive. hiting me all the time but smartly puting bruses and burns where no one could see them . making me undress for him just so he could. one day i got to thinking he has no rights over me nor does anyone else so when i went to see him after school i found him in bed with my best friend and i finally got my refinge on him . i beat and burned him as much as he did me all in one day. soon i realized that sometimes you either play the game or get hit by the ball. never look back just keep going forward or it will huant you that of what he did to you.
you can take my words or not it is your choice of what you do
but remember to learn from it and not to have it learn from you.
peace----mary
you can take my words or not it is your choice of what you do
but remember to learn from it and not to have it learn from you.
peace----mary
The description of your situation sounds very familar but I believe I might be the one at the other end of the spoon. I have a boyfriend who treats me in a similar manner. His soon to be x-wife refuses that he has ever layed a hand on her but I know this behavior can not come out of no where or can it?
My husband has outbursts that build up over several months, and then he blows up at me and threatens our family, marriage, home, etc. And it is over things that we have calmly sat down and made decisions together. He's going to a counselor tomorrow, but basically he makes a joke out of it and says it's all me. Is it? What can I do? I had to leave my home last Saturday because he said one of us had to leave and/or he was leaving and taking our 13 year old son. I have post traumatic stress disorder, and he had me shaking like a leaf. I just couldn't take it any more. I love him and my son very much. When things are good, they are very good. But it's just these blow ups every 2 or 3 years. Our son makes practically straight A's and is a football star. My husband hangs around people who are either getting a divorce, or breaking a relationship. Will he ever stop? Why does he do this, especially when he just gave me an anniversary card that said I'm his best friend, and we have such a happy home!
CATHY, I COULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN A LETTER THAT DESCRIBED MY OWN LIFE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS ANY BETTER THAN YOURS. SO DON'T THINK THAT YOU ARE ALONE. THERE IS HELP OUT THERE, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DIG PRETTY DEEP BUT IT IS THERE. MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED AS BIPOLAR SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE WE MET. I FOUND OUT WHEN I WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT. AT THAT POINT IT DIDN'T MATTER BECAUSE THE ABUSE HADN'T STARTED. THE USUAL ARGUEMENTS BUT NOTHING MAJOR. THREE MONTHS AFTER OUR SON WAS BORN WHEN IT BEGAN ESCALATING. BRUISES, RESTRAINING ORDERS, LEAVING AND COMING BACK ON THE PROMISE OF THERAPY AND COUNSELING. THE LAST TIME I LEFT WAS MID NOV. HIS DEPRESSION CONTINUALLY WORSENED. THREE WEEKS AFTER I FINALLY STOOD MY GROUND AND DIDN'T RUN OR LET MYSELF BE MANIPULATED, HE COMMITTED SUICIDE. IT WAS ANOTHER TWO WEEKS BEFORE ANYONE FOUND HIS BODY, THAT WAS 5 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
HE HAD CHECKED HIMSELF INTO A HOSPITAL AND THEY SAID HE WAS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED AND LET HIM GO WITH A PERSCRIPTION OF PROZAC.
WHAT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU IS GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK. I STILL LOVED MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT THE ABUSE AND THE LOOK IN MY SON'S EYES WAS TOO MUCH. IF YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T SEEKING HELP ON HIS OWN THEN DON'T EXPECT HIM TO REALIZE THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CHANGE THE COURSE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE HAS TAKEN.
HE HAD CHECKED HIMSELF INTO A HOSPITAL AND THEY SAID HE WAS SOMEWHAT DEPRESSED AND LET HIM GO WITH A PERSCRIPTION OF PROZAC.
WHAT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU IS GET OUT AND DON'T LOOK BACK. I STILL LOVED MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT THE ABUSE AND THE LOOK IN MY SON'S EYES WAS TOO MUCH. IF YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T SEEKING HELP ON HIS OWN THEN DON'T EXPECT HIM TO REALIZE THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CHANGE THE COURSE THAT YOUR MARRIAGE HAS TAKEN.
but there is abuse. MENTAL ABUSE. You need to leave. If you have children, think of what this is doing to them. They hear more than what you think. You have the right to live a good life also.
Cathy,
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you are concerned about violence towards you then you should leave the situation if possible. You can go to a shelter even if you have not been physically abused. Good luck. Hope this was helpful.
Sincerely,
HFHS MD-JM
Keywords: Abuse, safety
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you are concerned about violence towards you then you should leave the situation if possible. You can go to a shelter even if you have not been physically abused. Good luck. Hope this was helpful.
Sincerely,
HFHS MD-JM
Keywords: Abuse, safety
you need to get out anyway you can, if for no other reason than
that you're unhappy. life is too short.
that you're unhappy. life is too short.
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