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Mental Health  (Expert Forum)
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Suicidal
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
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MedHelp Member's Question

Suicidal

by Doggies4, Jan 29, 2002 12:00AM
Does being suicidal only refer to a person that has made the decision and plan that she is positively going to end her life or is it still called being suicidal when she is trying to decide if she is going to take her life?  I must admit I have not been totally honest with my therapist.  I do not tell her that I have plans and methods and that I have lain in bed with it in my hand as late as last week.  I lie there trying to decide.  I know I have been at death's doorstep but I still have not decided to positively do it.  Sometimes I am scared but sometimes it is what I want.  What do I say when she asks if I am suicidal?



Thank you for your help.
Doctor's Answer

by Roger Gould, M.D., Jan 29, 2002 12:00AM
You say yes, and you open up and talk to her about it. You will learn something very important about yourself, and may end up saving a good future.  You should do this immediately. You should tell her all of the details.



Having serious suicidal thoughts means you can't conceive of a happy future.  You are probably very wrong about that.  That is what you must explore with your therapist...soon, and very seriously.  I suggest you call and make an appointment to see her today.,
Member Comments (7)

by Gilad, Jan 31, 2002 12:00AM
To: doggies 4
I hope you have contacted your therapist by now and have decided to hang on.  



I know a couple of people who at some point in their lives were at death's doorstep and ready to blow off the candle of their lives and as the famous Rabindranath Tagore wrote "give back the keys to their homes and walk hand in hand with the angel of death".



Most hung on, one did not even say goodbye. You may be surprised by taking your life how many other lives you will take with you. But its not for anyone to think rationally for you at this time, its for you to talk with your therapist if she/he has not read your signal.



Pls come back and tell me you are working with your therapist.  I do care and your letter made me feel very sad.  (My ONLY son at the age of 14 swallowed pills and nearly left us stricken in grief.) Today he is well, happier, adjusted. He says and we know that he did not really want to die but he wanted to tell us something.  After he took the overdose of pills I understood him forever and everything else was minute in comparison with my son.



I'm looking out for you.

by amk627, Feb 02, 2002 12:00AM
Hello and I hope you are talking with your therapist, as honestly as you can. I am 38 years old and when I was 26 I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. She was only 24. She had two brothers and a wonderful family. I am still haunted by what happened to her and all of the people that were affected by her decision to end her life. Please, talk with your therapist. If only you could see your future years from now, happy, instead of sad. You don't ever know, happiness could be right around the corner. The answer to your questions could be right around the corner. I don't think there is anyone out there who is suffering from OCD or Anxiety or PTS that hasn't thought of it, its just the hope always that things will get better that keeps us all going.  Keep it going, for your sake and for the sake of all of the people that love you. For the beautiful and wonderful person you are.

by Doggies4, Feb 03, 2002 12:00AM
I'm still here.  The worst part of this is that because of my insurance I cannot see my therapist that I have been seeing for the last year and one-half.  Last week was my last appointment and I never got to tell her these things.  I feel lost.  Thank you for your kind responses.

by cowboyJC, Feb 05, 2002 12:00AM
To: doggies4
First of all let me say that suicide is not the answer. You end your life and affect countless lives left behind. Excuse me for my bluntness, but suicide is one of the most selfish acts anyone can commit. I don't know you and I know without a shadow of a doubt I would hate to hear of you ending your life!!

     Let me begin by saying that I am not a religious fanatic. I am a christian man who has seen the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He can and will heal you where ever you hurt. He can fill up that empty void in your life driving out that damnable spirit from the pits of hell called DEPRESSION!! I want you to do something for me. I want you to pray this prayer outloud and believe it with your whole heart.



PRAYER OF SALVATION:

    

     " FATHER, I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT JESUS BORE MY SINS AND DIED IN MY PLACE. I REPENT OF ALL THAT I'VE DONE THAT HAS DISPLEASED YOU AND I RECEIVE MY FORGIVENESS NOW. JESUS, I ASK YOU TO COME INTO MY HEART AND SAVE ME. AS YOU DO THAT, I TURN MY LIFE OVER TO YOU AND ASK YOU TO TAKE CONTROL OF IT. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME ETERNAL LIFE AND MAKING ME YOUR CHILD. I PROMISE TO READ THE NEW TESTAMENT, TO FAITHFULLY ATTEND A GOOD BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH, AND TO SERVE YOU ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE. THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY SOUL! IN JESUS NAME, AMEN!!!!"



     I promise you will see your life begin to turn around after praying that simple prayer. Suicide will lead to only one thing, and that's eternity in the pits of hell. Suicide is unforgivable in the eyes of God. We were created in HIS image. If you kill yourself, it's the same as killing GOD. If this is of any help to you, and I pray it is, and you want to know anything more about what HE has to offer PLEASE let me know. I will answer what ever questions you might have. God Bless. I will pray for you!! ( anytime you have thoughts of suicide say " satan I rebuke you in the name of Jesus " he will go running he has no choice. You have that authority over him.....



                            in HIS service,



                                    j.n.d.

by Doggies4, Feb 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: Cowboy
Thank you for your comments and the courage to speak up for Christ.  I think you will find it hard to believe, but I am a Christian.  I have been for 40 years.  Yes I have experienced the joy of God, but I also experienced the deepest and darkest of depression with a nameless paralyzing fear that lasted literally years.  You probably will not understand unless you have suffered that way.  There is so much more I could say, but I would not want to lead anyone else down the wrong path.



I have started seeing a new therapist and I have told her I have been suicidal although not the full content of my question.



I think I will be OK.  Thank you everyone for your comments to me.  It really helped.

by Thai, Feb 10, 2002 12:00AM
I sit infront of the computer and this is all I have.  I just got back from another city where I sat in a motel room with a liter of tequila and a bottle of pills.  I tried 2 times and failed.  I don't have anyone to talk to because I guess I have chosen that by pulling away.  I am not sure what to do now.  My cat had to be put down 2 days ago and I feel like if I hold on every day just gets a little worse.



I just walk around in a fog now and am not sure what to do or what I want to do.  I spent several hours looking for somewhere to post what I am feeling.  Thanks for listening.

by Thai, Feb 10, 2002 12:00AM
I also wanted to say that I have been on Wellbutrin for awhile now.  I for the most part think it works.  I called someone and am currently working on gettin a therapist.  Will see how it goes.  Thanks for letting me vent.

by cowboyJC, Feb 13, 2002 12:00AM
To: thai
Hello Thai,



     Thai please read my post to doggies4 and apply it to yourself. If you need any help please let me know..





                      In HIS service,



                                  jay n.d.

by pikamom, Feb 20, 2002 12:00AM
Hello. To anyone who is feeling suicidal, I would encourage you to hold on and above all ASK FOR HELP. I started feeling suicidal at the age of 26 at the onset of an incurable disease that causes severe pain all the time. I got to a therapist who told me I wouldn't always feel like I didn't want to live. I didn't believe him as I couldn't imagine going through the rest of my life with that kind of physical pain/disability. But, as time went by I did learn to cope and some joy in life came back. But then after a serious operation and the death of my two closest friends, the depression came back. I started seeing my old therapist but didn't tell him of my suicidal thoughts. I ended up inpatient after an attempt. Got a new therapist but still wasn't completely honest. My second attempt came only 6 months after the first. That was two years ago and am I glad to be alive! Through lots of hard work with my husband, therapist and pastor, I have improved my life in many ways. I must add with the help of God. Please hang on. Even if you are sure that you will never feel better again, your thinking is not strait. Even if you have unsolvable problems, you can still learn to cope and develop a network of friends and professionals to help you. I am now 37 years old and I shudder to think of what I could have done to my kids, husband, parents, and all the many people in my life.

by Wytchypoo, Mar 09, 2002 12:00AM
Being suicidal is one of the worst pains one can try and cope with. Trying to decide if it would be for the better or not. I think about it all the time, but I also know first hand the pain of losing someone that way. My brother commited suicide a little over 4 years ago and I was so very mad at him. I frist felt angry with him because "He took my way out" I have tried it in the past and always made it through and my brother would ask Why???? It turned out he only tried it once and made it through.... Go figure. Now I am mad at him for another reason, he left me alone and hurt his children deeply. I truly miss him.That doesn`t mean I still don`t think about suicide, but now I view it from a diffrent angle. I have a life long lasting disease that causes me pain 24/7, I am on major pain pills and semi invalid as I cannot walk more then a few yards at a time. I hate living like this as 7 years ago I was a very active thinner person. I owned a business and was facing middle age with gusto. I then was hit by a series of family losses, I lost my mom, then 18 months later my only Son, then 17 months later once again , my only sibling, my brother. I then stated to lose my health, then my business, then my independence, the only thing I gained is about 75 pounds. Does anyone know where a handicapped person can go to lose weight? I am on a nutritional diet, but I am also hypothroid.I need to learn to live with my life changes , but just am not sure how. Thanks for listening.

by Doggies4, Mar 12, 2002 12:00AM
To: wytchypoo
You put me to shame!  I am so sorry for all your losses and your chronic pain.  It would be almost unbearable for anyone! I almost lost my child one time, I actually did believe she was dead, and the agony was unbearable!  Did you lose your only child?  Then, I don't know what it is like to be in chronic pain either. You are an extremely strong individual to have dealt with all of this.



It sounds like you have lost just about everything and maybe all hope.  Read the comment from cowboy4christ,I definitely believe in hope in Christ.  If not for this world, for eternity.  At the risk of sounding like a fanatic, I would hope that you would choose that and then you can know that no matter what is taken away from you, even your life some day, you will live for all of eternity free from pain or any sorrow.



My prayers are with you.



I truly am going to try my best.  If you can face those odds, surely I can do well.

by IRONHORSE, Apr 12, 2002 12:00AM
I WISH ALL OF YOU THE BEST.... I THINK OUR LIFE HAS A WHOLE LOT TO DO WITH OUR MENTAL STATE. MY STORY IS THAT I WAS SEVERLY DEPRESSED. I WAS MARRIED TO A MAN THAT BEAT ME AND VERBALLY ABUSED ME AND MADE ME SECOND GUESS MY EVERY MOVE. MY CHILDREN WERE VERY REBELLISH AND WOULD CALL ME NAMES THAT THEY LEARNED FROM THERE FATHER. EVERY JOB I GOT HE WOULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE ME QUIT OR GET FIRED. I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FRIENDS OR FAMILY CALL THE HOUSE. I FELT TOTALLY WORTHLESS AND NOT LOVED. ONE DAY AFTER A BEATING I ACTUALLY GOT THE GUN AND PUT IN IN MY MOUTH AND WAS THINKING ABOUT PULLING THE TRIGGER, CRYING BECAUSE MY CHILDREN WOULD NOT HAVE A MOTHER BLAH BLAH BLAH AND THEN I SNAPPED. IF I END IT, HE WILL BE MEAN TO THE KIDS AND I REALLY DO LOVE THEM AND I WANT TO SEE ALL THERE SPECIAL DAYS ETC. SO AFTER 7.5 YEARS OF BEING ABUSED AND DEPRESSED, NEVER CALLING THE LAW FOR HELP.... I CALLED 911 AND HE WAS TAKEN AWAY, NO ONE COULD BELIEVE THE STORIES OF ABUSE THAT I TOLD. I NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT THAT DAY WITH THE GUN. AFTER THAT I PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM, STARTED SUPPORTING MYSELF AND THE KIDS, WORKING AT THE DOG POUND CLEANING CAGES (NASTY WORK) .I COULDN'T GET ANY HELP FROM THE STATE ON THE BILLS AND HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES AND I WOULD SIT AND CRY OR BE VERY SHORT TEMPERED WITH THE KIDS.THEN I FOUND THE STRENGTH TO CALL THE LOCAL HOSPITAL FOR COUNSELING THE APPOINTMENT WAS LIKE A MONTH AWAY. SO I PUT MYSELF ON A REWARD SHEDULE LIKE THE KIDS HAVE. I MADE A LIST EVERYNIGHT AND MY REWARD WOULD BE A HOT BATH AT THE END OF THE DAY.MY LIST HAD THINGS LIKE CHORES AND SHOWING AND TELLING THE CHILDREN HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM AND MAKE OUR LIVES BETTER. I WENT TO ONE COUNSELING SESSION AND I REALIZED THAT IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME AND SO EVERY WEEK ON THAT TIME I TAKE THE KIDS TO MCDONALS AND LET THEM PLAY IN THE INDOOR PLAY AREA AND JUST WHAT I MEET NEW PEOPLE AND I REALLY DO LOVE LIFE AND I CONTROL MY LIFE, MY FEELINGS AND I WANT MY CHILDREN TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELING AND TALK TO ME. MY PARENTS NEVER GOT ENVOLVED AND THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN LITTLE SELFISH WORLD. I WAS GIVEN LIFE AND I HAVE GIVEN LIFE AND I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT MY CHOICE TO END THE LIFE THAT HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME. I MAKE EACH DAY A SPECAIL DAY AND MAKE IT COUNT..... I WILL PROBALLY HAVE TO MAKE A LIST OF THINGS TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, BUT THAT'S OK CAUSE I LOVE MY LIFE AND I LOVE MY FAMILY.AND FOR THE RECORD THE MAN THAT I WAS MARRIED TO IS CURRENTLY IN ANGER MANGMENT CLASSE (HIS CHOICE) WILL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK--HOWEVER WITH OUR IMPROVED ATTITUDES WE CAN GET ALONG AND BE SOCIAL AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT BE FRIENDS AND HAVE CHILDREN THAT ARE WELL ADJUSTED. PLEASE IF YOU ARE AT YOUR BREAKING PIONT THINK ABOUT ME AND REMEMBER THAT SINGLE MOM WITH NO SELF WORTH PULLED OUT OF IT.. YOU WERE GIVEN LIFE TP LIVE, SO START LIVING. CALL A TIME OUT AND START THINKING. GET AWAY FROM THE PROBLEMS. THANK YOU, AND I REALLY HOPE THIS"SUCESS STORY" WILL HELP SOMEONE.
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