With my mom the doc said he got 98% out...is that typical at this stage?  She is at Stage 3C.  98% sounds good but Im not so sure.  He said she still has "specs" in there...will the chemo get rid of that?

Im not handling this well at all and I feel out of control and always in a panic.  I know Im lucky to be my age and still have my mom around.  I realize that many people grow up without a mother so I should count my blessings.  But no matter how old I am, I dont think I will ever be prepared for something like this.

Wow! Talk about a new way for ME to  see things....from my older kids point of view. I am the one with the problem in MY body. But it is a FAMILY problem, too. You don't say how old you are and I am new so haven't seen your previous posts. But my  oldest of 5 kids is a 26 year old son who lives close by. (My oldest daughter is 25 but lives 1 1/2 hours away.) I can imagine he is scared about this. His wife is a nurse so we talk alot. The thought of him beating himself up like you are doing would KILL ME!!!

We mom's know our kids screw up, say dumb things sometimes and all that stuff you may feel guilty for now, especially when hit with the fact that there is a (hopefully VERY SLIGHT) chance you could loose her. We KNOW you love us, just like you know we love you. The best thing you can do for your mom is to let go of any bad feelings, earned or not, and just be there for her. When my mom was sick and dying I was 5 states away with 3 little kids and couldn't help her. She never cried in front of me either. We should be able to but we arent as evolved as you think we are. HA HA!

THere are no magic words and every mom and son relationship is different but for sure you do not need to feel guilty. Just love her and be there for her. Once in a while when you are in a good place just ask if there is any little thing you can do for her. Maybe she would just like you to get an old favorite video and watch it with her. She knows you can'r fix her. Just be available.

You are both very lucky to be able to support each other and I hope you find some peace here. The statistics get better for us EVRY DAY! Plus I like there are little things like luck and faith and karma that play in, too, not just stats!

Good luck to you both.   Cindi...a mom

I have to thank all of you for your compassion and letting me discuss everything thats on my mind.  Im in my late 30's, but Im the youngest of my siblings so my mom still thinks of me as her 'baby'.  I havent been such a great son, but Im sure my mom knows I have always loved her.

Cindi, your post was especially comforting to me...thank you for taking the time to respond in this thread.  I also appreciated the comment someone made that this does affect the entire family and anyone not feeling the effects of it is a psychopath...thats actually very true.  The thing is, Im focusing too much on how this all affects me and how much I need my mom.  Its very selfish, but normal I guess.

Many of you women are so brave, just like my mom.  I guess though you dont have a choice and you HAVE to face this damn cancer and I pray for all of you.

For myself Im going to the social worker next week and looking to get into a support group.  Im in panic mode and I have to do something.

Please pray for my mom.  I so badly want her to be rid of this after her treatments.  This is really breaking my heart.  I love her very much and have been so lucky to be blessed with a wonderful mother!

It is a terribly stressful event, having a loved one with cancer -I experienced this with both my father and my sister. I might guess it could be even more difficult for men, who tend to feel compelled to "fix" problems even more then women. It is hard to support someone you love who is ill and to feel powerless over the disease process at the same time. The stress is immense. There are Cancer Clinics and Wellness clinics all over the U.S. I would encourage you to explore a support group -it really does help!  Take Care

Wow...I'll have done a great job if my son turns out 1/2 as well as you.  Your posts reflect nothing but the most loving and caring son.  You are doing a wonderful job of supporting your mom.  I'm sure she knows how much you love her.  Remember, we're all here to help prop you up when you get scared or overwhelmed.

Julie

Hang in there sweetie and quit beating yourself up.  You are doing a great job in a very tough situation.

Mickey thank you for the sensitive post and for the additional information as well as a different perspective to look at this.  Im just hoping that in the last few years that the statistics are significantly improved and have not trickled down into the published numbers yet.  Because the numbers Im reading have me terrified.

I know I have a chance to tell my mom how I feel, but I dont want that chance at the expense of her being scared and suffering.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And it is all right to have "you" time and feel what you feel. If you ever need a listening ear, I'm right here, and I know everyone else is too. God bless and have faith.  A lot of people have beat a lot of things. Your mother sounds like a strong woman and a fighter, so I don't believe she's going to let this get the best of her. <<hugs>> Cris

Well, that is precisely what type of information I was seeking for myself, as I assumed that I had cancer.  When we reviewed the statistics that applied to the information on my ovarian mass, we concluded that I was going in to surgery with a 79% chance of malignancy.  It was benign.  So much for statistics!  

No, seriously, I can tell you that there are women going into remission for some types of ovca that just  years ago would have never achieved remission.  Part of the reason the stats are not up-to-date is that their data has yet to be completely compiled.  It can take 5 to 20 years for a large research study to conclude and the data to be compiled.

You should think of your mother's illness in a different light.  No one gets out of here alive, so to speak, and most of us never know when that last moment will be.   You have been blessed with a chance to thank your mother for all that she has given you and done for you.  I know far too many people whose parents, spouses, and in some cases, children have died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving their loved ones wishing they could have had the chance that you have been given - to say the things so often left unsaid.

All I have ever seen out of you(thru your posts) is care and compassion for your mother.  Don't beat yourself up.  You are entitled to be sad-it is your mother.  Hang in there!
Always here to listen,
Kristie

I apologized to my mom today for all the rotten things I ever said or did to her.  I never meant to make her feel bad.  I love her and want her to know that.  She told me theres nothing to forgive and she knows I love her.

Thank you both for the kind comments.

Mickey...any chance you can speak with your pal to find out how much improved the stats are?  The doc did say the chemo is very effective for this type of cancer, but the stats freak me out.

They removed about 98% of the cancer during the surgery but she has "specs" remaining in her abdomen/diaphragm.

I havent been such a great son, yet for some reason, my mom loves me more than anyone else does in this world...and I can honestly say that of everyone in my life, I love her the most.  Im hoping this counts for something and the docs can help her.

HANG IN THERE SWEETIE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MYSELF HAVING A CHILD WITH CANCER SOMETIMES I FEEL GUILT BECAUSE OF MY SELF PITY BUT ANY NORMAL PERSON  WITH A LOVED ONE WITH CANCER DESERVES TO FEEL HOW EVER THEY WANT! (WITHIN REASON OF COURSE) I WILL KEEP YOU AND YOUR MOTHER IN MY PRAYERS.

Yes, it is about you.  A serious illness or death of a parent is a major event in a person's life.  The only people not affected by such events are psychopaths.    I am glad that you are looking into a support group.  That is a good move.

Yes, the statistics at this time are a bit skewed, I think that was your term.  In the past 10 to 12 years, there have been new developments in treating ovarian cancers that have resulted in women surviving the disease when previously they had no chance. It takes time for these statistics to trickle into the charts due largely to the requirements for  collecting and accepting statistics.  I have a pal in the CDC who works with these statistics and he went over all of this subject prior to my surgery in 2004.  I have forgotten most of it, unfortunately.   But yes, and as I have mentioned previously, there are women posting on this forum now who, statistically speaking, should be dead.