Update:

Pelvic ultrasound shows normal ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, endometrium.  Thank you, God.

Prior left and right ovarian cysts and the uterine fibroid are gone.  All resolved on their own.  I am very grateful.

Will be seeing doc today.  There is that lower abdominal pain, but I suspect that it is, as I had said, (and, apparently, one can not use the 'c' word for feces in the Forum - silly, when you consider what the women who post here goes through), that I am simply full of 'it', and, due to serious life-stressors right now, have symptoms of a psychogenic nature.  That's fine with me.

It's me.  Your words are too kind, and I could use some appreciation, who couldn't - but you know - I've lost it.

Seven years ago when I had bc, I took 'em all on because I had to in order to live.  It took two years, even with years of experience doing advocacy, for me to get anyone to do anything.  

I have never had a positive mammogram or ultrasound.  This was a painful lump.  Best diganosis after the malignancy was found, was borderline DCIS and LCIS.  All I received was an excisional biopsy.  That was it.

(I posted - below - that my friend is okay...basketball-sized mass -- benign.  Hallelujah.)

After telling three of the practitioners who see me - all in the same office - about my abdominal pain, and not having anyone do anything about it, I wrote a letter of complaint to their administrative officer, and threatened to send the already half-completed report to the State.  The next day, I got a referral for an ultrasound.  But here's the thing...

It was solely on the basis of my email to administration that I got the script.  The r/o diagnosis written on the script had nothing to do with anything they found - or thought, and it was just me making request.  So.  In essence, I 'wrote' the script to investigate an old complex ovarian cyst.  I'm not making this clear, I think.  Administration leaned on the docs to get me the ultrasound, but on what basis?  Only my statement.

So.  I received a pelvic ultrasound yesterday.  I don't know if it was what I needed, but since I needed a referral anyway, it was a reasonable starting point to get me where I needed to be seen.  

The pain has localized in the right lower abdomen.  Could be anything.  I'm praying it's psychogenic.  Or, that, figurately and literally, I'm full of you know what.

Complicating matters - I have had very odd, unusual pain in my left breast for a full week now.  The pain is near the sternum, but it is not costochondritis.  And yesterday, after having the u/s, I fairly flipped from worry.  The fact that it is very difficult to describe the pain makes me worry even more.  And I know how useless and destructive fear is.  It clouds the mind.

Anyway -- I spent a long time talking to an attentive nurse about the pain.  Last night, I found myself replaying the conversation.  It is absolutely clear to me that I am still stuck in that bc diganosis.  Not that those of us who are affected ever 'forget' or become fearful.  What I'm talking about is, well, I came off rather -- well, crazy with fear.  And it's true.  Yes.  Therapy now would be good.  Great even.

Let me be clear.  I am not blaming myself for feeling this vulnerable now, nor would I blame myself for sounding like a madwoman, under the circumstances.  However, anything I do, we do, that does not further our good health is unwise.

nursepatient said it sounded like I took adversarial stance.  I answered that in the other post.  As patients -- forget the useless pc 'clients' - just what action would be adverse to our health, if we do the research, know our bodies, and assert what we think we need, even if we might be wrong.  The docs are often not doing it.  What choice is there?  You all know the answer to that.

But I have to say, I'm just tired.  I want what we all want.  To commicate clearly and directly to the professionals who care for us, and to have them do likewise.  (Excuse me for a second -- uh HELLO???!!! Have you ever heard of following protocol?) Yup. Tired.  But I may be in for a fight for my health, and if I need to be adversarial, so be it.  It beats pulling this victim **** I seem to be in.

I second that!!!
~Tascha

Well said! I have read that thread too!! I agree 100% with her (and u) .....I am one to take control of my care, I call the doc instead of waiting for them, I get copies of my reports as soon as the doc signs off on them, I read them, I ask questions, I tell him what sounds bad to me and get a response in return...I believe this forum can be empowering just as healthcareguerilla said, also to "console and cajole".....but I feel like I'm more of an educator/liberator type than a consoler. I don't come on here to be somebody's therapist. I have a life outside of this place where I meet strangers....I don't mean that in a bad way either!! I wish that she would come back and tell us if she was able to get the ultrasound or ct she wanted!.... We all have our different experiences in life, some more than others, some good, some bad, but each one educates us in some way.
I liked your post Diane!
((((Raynbow