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Losing It

Hello ladies, it's been a while since I've posted.  Hope everyone is in good spirits and doing well.  I have been under a lot of pressure and I feel like I'm losing control.  I went back to work last week, but am due for a myomectomy sometime in June.  I almost feel helpless and desperate; I just want to be done with this.  Everyday I go through a rollercoaster of emotions; I have even contemplated suicide.  Why that is I don't know, maybe I just need to get these feelings off my chest.  I know everything will be ok, but it's easier said than done.  Anyway, I just had to let that out because I felt as if I would burst.
Nicole
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Avatar universal
You all are too wonderful--I almost have no words to express my gratitude, but I am thankful that there are still true and real people in the world.  May you all find peace, grace, love and health.
Nicole
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you.  I have met SO MANY wonderful people here tonight.  I feel very blessed.  The funny thing is I was determined to quit lookin gup any more info on Ovarian Cancer, but I also kept praying for peace tonight.

Wel,, I came back online searching, despite myself, found this site, and found peace.

Thanks!
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Avatar universal
Hang in there.  I am scared to death also and I wish I had some brilliant answer, but I don't.  anytime you feel that down, just log on here and keep typing and typing--let ALL your feelings out.  We WILL listen.  just keep talking until you can deal.  Then, next time, do it all over--come and talk to us.  Doesn't matter if you say something new or the same thing one zillion times--just keep talking to us!
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108861 tn?1227246048
I like you Thurney!  You are a true Cyster as is Nic!!!!  MV
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117289 tn?1391712825
Honey, we are here for you and will always be!  Please come over to our Battalion site.  We love you and need you!  Please talk to your dr.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Godspeed
~Tascha
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Avatar universal
I know that you will be ok, having thoughts is part of the process. I am thinking and Praying for you and hoping today will be a brighter day for you!!
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132752 tn?1273342273
Thoughts and prayers and TONS of stregth are with you...I can just about feel the embrace around you from here!  Please do your best to look ahead to Recovery.  I understand that this is a time when you can tend to feel overwhelmend, hopeless and frightened, but surely the words of these wonderful women can lift you up...just allow them do that.  

Please join us at the site that Mid has listed.  It's been a Godsend on many levels.

We cherish you.  
peace,
Anne
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105530 tn?1279585282
Mid

Hi Nic
              I would like you to come and join us at the Battalion site.
We will always be here for you.
Here is the link
take care
Mid

http://groups.msn.com/BulgeBattlingBattalionCysters/
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Avatar universal

Please listen to everyone, especially Ravenlady. I also am a victim of suicide (my beloved younger sister who NEVER told me things were bad or I would have flown home to intervene immediately!), and I can promise you that it is an unforgivable act. It is the one gesture that leaves everyone concerned irremdiably damaged for life.

And the person who commits suicide? Well, he/she never allows him/herself another chance. It's the end of everything, the curtain drawn forever. Anything is better than taking your own life and leaving those who love you to wonder what they could have done differently.

You will come through this. Please come here and get the emotional support and expert advice that the ladies on this site give out so generously and lovingly. You are NOT alone, Nicole, you have a formidable Battalion behind you, ready to fight on your behalf! Courage -- as my mother always says, this too shall pass.

*Hugs*
Annette

Helpful - 0
108861 tn?1227246048
Hey Kid,
     I am not going to freak on the suicide thoughts as I understand, as a victim of actual suicide, that thoughts of suicide can be the result of perfectly non-depressed folks worked into a corner.  I can't really add value to Dian's post beyond letting you know that you are not going nuts!  Thoughts of suicide that meet fruition generally come from those that do not vocalise, or put it in black and white as you have done, and just do it leaving the true victims in their wake.  Suicide is a truly selfish act!  I know, I have been a victim, don't do that to those you love!  It sucks canal water!  Believe me, that's not you!  You are reaching out and that's saying to me that although that problem solution has ocurred to you, you decided to air it and let your intelligence process the feedback from those of us who Love you and would spend a whole lot of time on the would'as could'as victims of suicide, those left behind, have to live with for years.  I am still learning to silve with it!  Your response to the thoughts are so healthy by comparison Nicole!  You are are not going over the edge and your survival insticts are indeed intact!  You are airing the issue.  You go Girl!  Hats off to your courage!  MV
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Avatar universal
Thank you all for your words of wisdom.  I guess my hormones are pretty messed up from heart surgery and now I'm scheduled for surgery to remove a 6cm subserosal fibroid on June 12th.  I have really been on edge with trying to get back into the swing of things at work and making quotas.  My brain just feels like it's on auto pilot right now and won't shut off, but physically I'm exhausted.  I do feel somewhat better in knowing my surgery date and so I will just try to relax now.
Thanks again for your help--you all are awesome.
Nicole
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Nic
I want you to know that i too am on that emotional rollarcoaster and it's a tuff ride ...never have been a thrill seeker but darmnnn ..this is tuff , I have just recently found out that some of us with reproductive issues ( actually anything involving hormones ) are unbalanced and we can be getting a mild form of hormone replacement/balancing if your not menopausal yet ...this helps with mental confusion /anxiety and just general well being ...
Please know you are not abnormal and certainly not alone ..But you are very much a woman and we are special creatures and we deserve special care and love from those that know us best ...Other Woman .
We are all here for you..
And know that ...
God Will not bring us to it ...with out bringing us through it .
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Avatar universal
I agree with Dian.  We are always here for you.  Does your doctor know that you are having suicidal thoughts?  I really am worried about you.  Please, please, please, know that you are never alone.  I look forward to your next post.  Kasie
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Avatar universal
Hey there kid....I just read your post and want you to know you are not alone....please remind those of us experiencing enduring effects of "chemo brain" what your situation is....adhesions?  Clearly you are in a lot of emotional pain....your anxiety level is high and it sounds like you are feeling helpless....you are not helpless and you are not alone....we just need to find some way to put you back in the driver's seat...perhaps hormones.... don't you dare give up....together we will find a way to get you back and in charge of your life again....don't you dare bale on us!  You are here for us and we are here for you....we all need eachother....refresh our hormonally challenged memories! I am waiting for your next post....maybe you would like to join the Battalion in our chats and message boards....this might bring you in closer to us....just think about it.....you are one of us and we will not allow you to fall by the wayside....
I await your next post.
Peace.
dian
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Avatar universal
You should talk to your dr about your emotional swings.  Its normal to be worried, but feeling suicidal is a danger sign that should not be ignored!

I have a prescription for anti-anxiety medicine (ativan or xanax).  I found it very helpful when I was awaiting surgery, but I don't know if its a good idea for you if you're depressed.  Maybe your dr can help.
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Avatar universal
Nicole
sorry to hear you are so down
i will keep you in my prayers
Stella

http://www.freewebs.com/mcgrathville/index.htm
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