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Unanswered questions / venting
My mom passed from stage IV ovarian cancer back in April. But I spend a lot of time on the internet researching this disease, and I can't come up with any answers to my questions!
Is it possible to have ovarian tumors for YEARS before it spreads beyond the ovaries? What breaks my heart the most was the way she was behaving the last days she was in the hospital. Her doctor told me the cancer spread to her liver. I don't know if THAT was responsible for the what happened after:
One night, she was walking, and she fell, and got a terrible bump on her forehead. (the brain scan revealed no head injuries) She seemed "out of it" since then. She was distant, and was talking and behaving strangely. I don't know whether it was because of the medication or not. She kept talking and moaning in her sleep, and wouldn't even lay straight in the bed. And she kept insisting the commode stay in the middle of the room, and if I moved it aside, (she was blocking my path to the bathroom!) she got mad! LOL However, early the next morning, the nurses checked her signs, and her heart rate was very, very high, (the 140s or 150s) and they moved her to ICU. Can someone here explain why her heart rate was so high? THe nurses were always vague, and I asked them questions! Most of the time, they said, "I don't know." I don't know if her cancer spread all over her body, either, or was restricted to her abdomen only. Someone on AllExperts.com (a doctor) told me my mom was probably behaving strangely because the liver released toxins in her bloodstream? I don't understand.
Is it possible to have ovarian tumors for YEARS before it spreads beyond the ovaries? What breaks my heart the most was the way she was behaving the last days she was in the hospital. Her doctor told me the cancer spread to her liver. I don't know if THAT was responsible for the what happened after:
One night, she was walking, and she fell, and got a terrible bump on her forehead. (the brain scan revealed no head injuries) She seemed "out of it" since then. She was distant, and was talking and behaving strangely. I don't know whether it was because of the medication or not. She kept talking and moaning in her sleep, and wouldn't even lay straight in the bed. And she kept insisting the commode stay in the middle of the room, and if I moved it aside, (she was blocking my path to the bathroom!) she got mad! LOL However, early the next morning, the nurses checked her signs, and her heart rate was very, very high, (the 140s or 150s) and they moved her to ICU. Can someone here explain why her heart rate was so high? THe nurses were always vague, and I asked them questions! Most of the time, they said, "I don't know." I don't know if her cancer spread all over her body, either, or was restricted to her abdomen only. Someone on AllExperts.com (a doctor) told me my mom was probably behaving strangely because the liver released toxins in her bloodstream? I don't understand.
hi christine, i know how you feel about unanswered questions, and not understaning, my dad passed away october and i am still researching lots and dont understand what happened etc., i am writing to hospital and asking for his medical records, and asking them questions, my family dont understand why i cant leave it all alone, but i cant its eating me up inside. then jan my mum was dx with ovarian cancer stage 3c. i know what your going through, and its very very hard. i wish you luck with your research for your questions. x
I am glad that you are back to vent! Truly!
First, if we knew the answers to it all, then no one would die - we'd understand all of it, and thus be able to prevent death! That is not the case, as you know all too well. Unfortunately, it is quite possible that your mother had her cancer for years before it was discovered. It is also possible that she had a particularly aggressive cancer that was not affected by the treatments options we have today.
I work primarily in "elder care" in the home health care field. I have also been a personal care assistant to cancer patients. At this time, I am working with a patient in hospice care. I have seen many people go through the process of leaving this world, and I have seen everything that you described during your mother's ordeal. It is part of the dying process. You might be helped to read books or pamplets produced by hospice organizations, as some of these guide give a step-by-step review of what one can expect of the dying process. Then there is always the famous book, "On Death and Dying," which divides the process into distinct behavioral/mental sets. I can tell you that in this business, we often refer to some of these behaviors as "talking to God," because it seems as if the patient is ignoring the world while he or she is mentally working through things in preparation for death.
First, if we knew the answers to it all, then no one would die - we'd understand all of it, and thus be able to prevent death! That is not the case, as you know all too well. Unfortunately, it is quite possible that your mother had her cancer for years before it was discovered. It is also possible that she had a particularly aggressive cancer that was not affected by the treatments options we have today.
I work primarily in "elder care" in the home health care field. I have also been a personal care assistant to cancer patients. At this time, I am working with a patient in hospice care. I have seen many people go through the process of leaving this world, and I have seen everything that you described during your mother's ordeal. It is part of the dying process. You might be helped to read books or pamplets produced by hospice organizations, as some of these guide give a step-by-step review of what one can expect of the dying process. Then there is always the famous book, "On Death and Dying," which divides the process into distinct behavioral/mental sets. I can tell you that in this business, we often refer to some of these behaviors as "talking to God," because it seems as if the patient is ignoring the world while he or she is mentally working through things in preparation for death.
Hi,
Nice to see you back believe it or not I think about you at times.
I was diagnosed in 2003 but I honestly believe that i had my cancer since 1998, I distincly remember being out one night and took a drink of beer and became so ill that I had to leave. Months later I developed a horrible allergic reaction to ibuprofen and had hives and itchy feet and legs for quite a while. Dr. though just allergic to Ibuprofen. But now in hindsight I know alot of things that were going on was because I had cancer. I remenber one day about two months before I was diagnosed I could not remeber the Pin number to my debit card that I had for years,or anything else for that matter. So I believe that my cancer which is slow growing had been around for a long time! They do not know what causes OVCA. I believe that knowledge is power and facing things that may emotionally be hard for us are worth it in the long run. You and your family will never have to go through this again if you are all educated about it. I applaud you and only hope the best for you Christine.
Kathy
Nice to see you back believe it or not I think about you at times.
I was diagnosed in 2003 but I honestly believe that i had my cancer since 1998, I distincly remember being out one night and took a drink of beer and became so ill that I had to leave. Months later I developed a horrible allergic reaction to ibuprofen and had hives and itchy feet and legs for quite a while. Dr. though just allergic to Ibuprofen. But now in hindsight I know alot of things that were going on was because I had cancer. I remenber one day about two months before I was diagnosed I could not remeber the Pin number to my debit card that I had for years,or anything else for that matter. So I believe that my cancer which is slow growing had been around for a long time! They do not know what causes OVCA. I believe that knowledge is power and facing things that may emotionally be hard for us are worth it in the long run. You and your family will never have to go through this again if you are all educated about it. I applaud you and only hope the best for you Christine.
Kathy
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Christine,
I certainly remember you, and your posts as your mom was going through her illness. Perhaps finding answers, or at least searching for them, is part of your grieving process. I wish there were more people out there asking questions and doing research on it. The fact of the matter is I am afraid none of us will ever know why we got this disease, and why some do better than others with treatment. But that's true with almost any illness. In case you didn't notice, there is a new Ovarian Cancer Answers section on the website. You might ask some of your questions to Dr. Goodman, and get her take on it.
I am still praying for you and your family, and I hope you find the answers you need. First dealing with your mom's illness, and now with that of your dad's, I hope you are taking some time out to take care of yourself and relax a bit, too. That is a lot of stress to deal with in one year's time. God bless!
Gail
I certainly remember you, and your posts as your mom was going through her illness. Perhaps finding answers, or at least searching for them, is part of your grieving process. I wish there were more people out there asking questions and doing research on it. The fact of the matter is I am afraid none of us will ever know why we got this disease, and why some do better than others with treatment. But that's true with almost any illness. In case you didn't notice, there is a new Ovarian Cancer Answers section on the website. You might ask some of your questions to Dr. Goodman, and get her take on it.
I am still praying for you and your family, and I hope you find the answers you need. First dealing with your mom's illness, and now with that of your dad's, I hope you are taking some time out to take care of yourself and relax a bit, too. That is a lot of stress to deal with in one year's time. God bless!
Gail
Regarding your Mom behaving strangely before she died. My father did that starting a few weeks before he died of prostate cancer that spread to the bones. He was the worst 3 days before he died . He also did "fall" hit his head & spiraled down from there. What the Hospice nurses & the oncologist told me that this behavior was actually part of the "dying process" and a small accident like a 'fall" often triggers this spiraling down. My father started saying all sorts of bizarre things like stating I had a daughter when I only actually have a son, etc. In the last days in the hospital, he wanted us to keep moving the bed or try to get up & down without reason, similar to what your Mom was doing. The person just can't find a comfortable state. This is the "agitation" one gets from the dying process. If you read up on this it does state the symptoms or reactions a person gets when the body is on it's way out. As far as you Dad with colorectal cancer, my father had that as well 12 years before the prostate cancer. He DID beat that cancer. I will recommend an EXCELLENT place that I can say cured him. Dr.Marx or Marks of Thomas Jefferson Hospital, Philidelphia. (I don't know if he is still practicing or retired) but he was one of the leaders of the colorectal surgery that saved my fathers life. He is excellent & if you can try to get a consultation with him. Well I'm sorry for your loss of your Mom & praying for your Dad.
Of course, I will pray for your wife, and for you, too.
It's very hard to let go of the past, but I'll try.
It's very hard to let go of the past, but I'll try.
Dear Christine:
I will keep you, your dad and your mom in my prayers. May she rest in peace.
Stage IV is really tough. My wife is stage IIIC and it's already tough. You have to keep yourself strong and take care of yourself. The past is already gone. Now is the only one we have and tomorrow may never come. Please pray for my wife too. I'm a beggar for prayers. Thanks.
I will keep you, your dad and your mom in my prayers. May she rest in peace.
Stage IV is really tough. My wife is stage IIIC and it's already tough. You have to keep yourself strong and take care of yourself. The past is already gone. Now is the only one we have and tomorrow may never come. Please pray for my wife too. I'm a beggar for prayers. Thanks.
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