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Sexuality & Relationships  (Expert Forum)
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Oral Sex- I don't like it!
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
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MedHelp Member's Question

Oral Sex- I don't like it!

by shagwell, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
IS there something wrong with me? I don't really like oral sex. Infact, I would choose just about anything over oral sex! My husband on the other hand, loves getting oral sex, and loves giving it too!



It is a constant battle in our relationship because I never initate oral sex...(coz I don't like it). Does anyone else have this problem?



I don't mind giving my husband oral sex, but because I don't like getting it, I feel cheated! I want my jollies too!!! After giving him oral sex, he is too tierd and it is too awkward to pull out my "mr pink" vibrator.



Any suggestions? Anything that might make oral sex better for me?
Doctor's Answer

by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Nov 30, 2006 12:00AM


  Well, it sounds like there are some imbalances in your relationship that are hurting your sex life and I would get those fixed first. If your husband is too tired to pleasure you after you have pleasured him, I think you need to have him go first sometimes and make love to you before he is post orgasm or just feeling like he needs to sleep. I think you might be more in the mood to make him feel good if he has already made you feel good first--



  As for making oral sex more fun- I think being squeaky clean always helps- so perhaps the two of you could have a bath or shower together first. Then you might use a combination of your mouth and your hand so your mouth and neck don't get too tired. If it takes a long time for him to have an orgasm, pleasure him with your hand and only use your mouth from time to time so it doesnt feel like "work". you can also use flavored lubes or chocolate or something like that to enjoy the taste- In other words, experiment on making it fun, don't do the parts that really upset or tire you out- and make sure that you feel you are not always second in your love making!
Member Comments (21)

by monkeyflower, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
If the issue is that he's too tired to pleasure you after he comes, why not use your vibe together first and then give him oral? Or alternate the two?

by leif ericson, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
heres one for you, make it a rule that YOU COME FIRST !!!  DA !

don't let him be selfish, take some control (you have the best hand in the game, use it) let him know your "happy ending" is by

far not as certain as his, so you should be the priority.  l.e.

by sparkeler, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
I'd rather skip the appetizer and have the main course too if you know what I mean.  I don't really like recieving oral. Giving it can suck to.  I always gag.

by shagwell, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
I have tried the "I get mine first" route. It just doesnt work. I am so focused on comming that I can't come! It doesnt work. Honestly, the easiest is just to give him the oral and go to bed wet! Is there any advice on how to make it better for me? He thinks I am weird by not liking it, but I honestly don't. It isn't his technique either. He does things that are awesome, and I even come from it. But I just honestly don't like it. I would rather be doing something else that we both like. But it is very important to him to receive oral sex.... and give it too! He loves to give it! I just want to help our relationship by maybe finding out if this is normal (to not like oral) or if there is something I should try to maybe make myself like it?

by leif ericson, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
well, you said he won't use the vibrator at all, so i don't know what to tell you.  he sounds very selfish, he should be working overtime to figure out how to please you (in any way).

vibrators can be alot of fun, he's missing out for sure.   l.e.

by shagwell, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
I don't mean to make him look bad. He will use the vibrator. What I am saying is that it is awkward (for me) after pleasing him. I feel rushed in both situations before, or after giving it to him. He is more than willing to do things to me before or after, but I won't get off because I am too pre occupied with thinking I am taking too long etc. I wish I could just like oral sex!

by monkeyflower, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
You say that you hate oral because you think you deserve to come too, but everything you write suggests you really feel otherwise. Worrying about taking too long, claiming not to like receiving oral (even though you do orgasm from it), feeling awkward about using your vibe and claiming it's easier to just not come instead--despite the fact that your partner is apparently more than willing to do all of these things with you--makes me think that the real issue may be your own discomfort with your own sexuality. You're putting the restrictions on YOURSELF. I think you'd probably really benefit from reading some sex-positive material, from some open discussion with sex-positive folks, and from a few sessions with a sex therapist.



In the meantime, I would suggest checking out www.bettydodson.com and www.anniesprinkle.org--two healthy, open, sex-positive, really fun women and great role models. Check out www.sexuality.org for excellent sex-positive advice and info. Go to www.blowfish.com, www.babeland.com, and www.goodvibes.com for some honest, sex-positive information,  fun, and great toys :-)

by nanis, Nov 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: monkeyflower
Wow,you really know your stuff!Congrats,now I know who to ask when I have a ?!?! I love oral(to get it not to give)First me then him...lol..That way he'll be x-tra ready for intrcourse!!! Dont get me wrong I do vacum(oral sex)but only when vagina is out of order-or- when I'm x-tra frisky...nanis

by PyroG, Nov 29, 2006 12:00AM
To: sparkeler
i hope you realize that to a lot of women, oral sex IS "the main course" and intercourse is a side dish.  considering that most women don't come during intercourse, i find it insensitive of people to continuously refer to intercourse as the most important kind of sex.  i wish that women who do happen to orgasm from being penetrated would be considerate enough not to reinforce that message to those of us who can't.

by sk2006a, Nov 29, 2006 12:00AM
i think you've read WAY too much into a simple statement of opinions.  there's plenty of room for opinions here.

by sparkeler, Nov 29, 2006 12:00AM
To: Sk006
Thanks for the defense.  I wasnt even going to comment on her remark.

by sk2006a, Nov 29, 2006 12:00AM
To: sparkeler