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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Sex is boring for me..
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Sex is boring for me..
by AcuraTSX86, Sep 03, 2006 12:00AM
Hi,
I'm a 19 year old male. I'm bisexual and I just find sex to be just really boring. I can't reach an orgasm, I could be almost there and i'm just too exhausted to finish, so I fake it.
I figure since I'm having sex with both men and women, I'm just not attracted to one sex as much as the other. But nope that's not my problem.
I find no pleasure in Oral sex. My girlfriend was giving me head for almost 40 minutes and I felt bad because her jaw was cramping.. so we just went straight to intercourse for about 3 1/2 hours. She came multiple times and felt guilty because I couldnt reach an orgasm.
And my male friend who I mess around with sometimes also gave me head for about a half an hour, and tried a million different ways to please me but I was just staring around the room bored as hell. So we went for intercourse, and he couldn't take the pain anymore so we stopped after about 2 hours when he reached an orgasm.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I could acheive an orgasm fine while masturbating but just not while having sex. It's not that i'm not attracted to my partners because I can get an erection just looking at them..I just can't *** and find myself staring into space thinking about the most random things while having sex.
I mean, it's good that I can please others but i'd like to enjoy myself as well.
What's wrong with me?!
I'm a 19 year old male. I'm bisexual and I just find sex to be just really boring. I can't reach an orgasm, I could be almost there and i'm just too exhausted to finish, so I fake it.
I figure since I'm having sex with both men and women, I'm just not attracted to one sex as much as the other. But nope that's not my problem.
I find no pleasure in Oral sex. My girlfriend was giving me head for almost 40 minutes and I felt bad because her jaw was cramping.. so we just went straight to intercourse for about 3 1/2 hours. She came multiple times and felt guilty because I couldnt reach an orgasm.
And my male friend who I mess around with sometimes also gave me head for about a half an hour, and tried a million different ways to please me but I was just staring around the room bored as hell. So we went for intercourse, and he couldn't take the pain anymore so we stopped after about 2 hours when he reached an orgasm.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I could acheive an orgasm fine while masturbating but just not while having sex. It's not that i'm not attracted to my partners because I can get an erection just looking at them..I just can't *** and find myself staring into space thinking about the most random things while having sex.
I mean, it's good that I can please others but i'd like to enjoy myself as well.
What's wrong with me?!
Doctor's Answer
by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Sep 05, 2006 12:00AM
, Sep 05, 2006 12:00AM
This is an interesting question. I think your problem may be psychological rather than physical-- but the first thing I would do is get a physical check up to see if there is some condition I don't know about. It is rare for someone not to get any pleasure out of either oral sex or intercourse.
The trouble may be between your ears. You could be unable to concentrate and get the focus that is part of the sexual excitation process. If you can have an orgasm during masturbation it means that your plumbing is working correctly and you can respond to sexual stimuli alone. So it seems that it is the addition of another person that cuts off your feelings and stimulation.
I think there must be something that doesn't allow you to connect to the love making process with another person. In addition, it may be that you have become so proficient on how to touch yourself, that all other kinds of sexual contact are less satisfying. One thing you might do is to have one of your partners touch you exactly the same way that you touch yourself and see if you can turn on to them under those conditions. If you can, you are probably just habituted to one kind of sexual touch and you would need to work at generalizing that stimulation to additional sexual acts and actors.
Still, this is a complex enough question that I demur on final diagnosis. You need to go to a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunctions and get a work up. You should be able to find out if there is any direct physical inhbitor. You will also need to see a psychologist ( or someone who has both the M.D, and Ph.D.) to determine which psychological barriers have created this uncomfortable situation..
The trouble may be between your ears. You could be unable to concentrate and get the focus that is part of the sexual excitation process. If you can have an orgasm during masturbation it means that your plumbing is working correctly and you can respond to sexual stimuli alone. So it seems that it is the addition of another person that cuts off your feelings and stimulation.
I think there must be something that doesn't allow you to connect to the love making process with another person. In addition, it may be that you have become so proficient on how to touch yourself, that all other kinds of sexual contact are less satisfying. One thing you might do is to have one of your partners touch you exactly the same way that you touch yourself and see if you can turn on to them under those conditions. If you can, you are probably just habituted to one kind of sexual touch and you would need to work at generalizing that stimulation to additional sexual acts and actors.
Still, this is a complex enough question that I demur on final diagnosis. You need to go to a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunctions and get a work up. You should be able to find out if there is any direct physical inhbitor. You will also need to see a psychologist ( or someone who has both the M.D, and Ph.D.) to determine which psychological barriers have created this uncomfortable situation..
My friends go on and on about how oral sex is amazing and anal sex is great. I think it's the most boring thing in the world. I'd rather watch paint dry to be honest.
I've had sex in the back of a park, in a pool, on the bathroom floor, in my bedroom, in their bedroom. I haven't reached an orgasm once. I think the only time I acheived an orgasm was when I lost my virginity, and even that took alot of work on my part.
I think about the most random things during sex, like "Damn, I shouldve gone tanning today. Oh well i'll go tomorrow. Oh wait, I can't tomorrow I have to do this.." Like I start planning out my days during sex.
I can almost feel the orgasm coming, but after going at it for 3-4 hours i'm so tired I'm ready to pass out. Yet while masturbating I can orgasm within 5-20 minutes.
Ugh :| I don't know. This just sucks.
AcuraTSX86: I can sympathize with having sexual obstacles. In fact I was very much in love with my first lover and did not have an orgasm even once. Maybe this is a more common plight in women but it doesn't invalidate your difficulty. You may just need some individualized attention from a professional, or else the opportunity to talk to other men with similar problems. I have known men, straight men actually, who couldn't come from blowjobs, and some who have faked orgasms. It is a myth that men don't have these problems, much as some people seem to believe otherwise.
As far as being emotionally involved, i'm very in love with my girlfriend and my guy friend is really just a fling here and there. We havent had any type of sex in about a month. I prefer having sex with men because we know what we like, but I also enjoy sex with women because they're way more flexible, and ..don't complain about positions.
I'm going to find a therapist within the next few weeks because honestly, having sex without the real pleasure is just ridiculous.
Thanks everyone for your input.