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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
Treatment-induced loss of libido
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Treatment-induced loss of libido
by AlaskaAngel, Jul 19, 2007 12:00AM
Due to chemotherapy for breast cancer I have nonexistent libido in a 35-year good relationship with able male partner. I don't know how to deal with the anger I feel from not being told before treatment that this was a likely outcome from recommended treatment, especially because treatment benefit was quite marginal for my diagnosis. Vaginal atrophy even with the Estring and lubrication continues to make sex painful, and I can satisfy my partner in other ways. However, sex is now not a personal pleasure or reward but just an obligation, and that combined with such an extreme change in libido has instead turned closeness into a lifetime sentence. I have always been quite feminine, but now in terms of work or home or play there is no motivation to thrive as a neuter human in a society where gender is the basis for most motivation. I went to my oncologist about this and he wanted to know why I wasn't seeing my PCP for it, and only prescribed the Estring. I went to my PCP and he had no suggestions. Can someone at least tell them that it IS possible to save a life and destroy a human being?
Doctor's Answer
by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Jul 24, 2007 12:00AM
, Jul 24, 2007 12:00AM
I am so sorry to hear your story. You sound angry and depressed and I don't blame you. Still, we can't let this continue- it is making you bitter and angry- and what good does that do? Its bad enough to be in this situation but you have to try to surrmount toxic emotions . This isn't easy of course- but you do want to save your quality of life as best you can. I would suggest to ask your physician for mood medication of some sort- whatever is safe for you- just to take the edge off your anger and saddness so that you can proceed more positively.
That said, I wonder if oral sex would be sexually better for you. You can giveyour husband oral sex, which most men really like, and receive it- which might be easier on your tender vaginal area and can feel really great. You also might want to try a vibrator- which arouses the clitoris and surround areas but doesnt have to beused in the vagina. Try a silicone lubricant too-they are really slick and might help intercourse.
Finally go see a sexual therapist who is a medical doctor and see if there is something new to try for sexual appretite. ( I am a big fan of champagne myself..just to loosen inhibitions and get in a great mood). But there may be non hormone based additives that would be worth trying ( just as Largenine)
No easy answer here. But I do think working on mood and then other sexual approaches might help a lot.
That said, I wonder if oral sex would be sexually better for you. You can giveyour husband oral sex, which most men really like, and receive it- which might be easier on your tender vaginal area and can feel really great. You also might want to try a vibrator- which arouses the clitoris and surround areas but doesnt have to beused in the vagina. Try a silicone lubricant too-they are really slick and might help intercourse.
Finally go see a sexual therapist who is a medical doctor and see if there is something new to try for sexual appretite. ( I am a big fan of champagne myself..just to loosen inhibitions and get in a great mood). But there may be non hormone based additives that would be worth trying ( just as Largenine)
No easy answer here. But I do think working on mood and then other sexual approaches might help a lot.
For you to see what the problem is, I will review some elementary science. The whole target of chemotherapy for breast cancer for hormone receptor positive patients is to eliminate every possible shred of female hormone in the body, so that any stray cancer cells can't continue to thrive on it (i.e., thrive on the estrogen). Therefore, there is no reason to use anything for stimulation because there is NOTHING TO STIMULATE. Again, "Vaginal atrophy even with the Estring and lubrication continues to make sex painful, and I can satisfy my partner in other ways. However, sexu is now not a personal pleasure or reward but just an obligation, and that combined with such an extreme change in libido has instead turned closeness into a lifetime sentence.
Figuring out how to enjoy sex is not the goal here anymore because scientifically it won't happen. Estrogen is what makes sex enjoyable and estrogen feeds the cancer. Vibrators, lubrication, or champagne all require adequate hormonal physiology to accomplish enjoyment.
Why are doctors putting women in this situation without being up front about it, especially since chemotherapy only actually works LESS THAN 20% OF THE TIME, and most of the time when it does work, it only works for very very brief periods of time?
So how is something like Effexor or a vibrator going to get me out of this lifetime sentence?
AlaskaAngel