1) If your former partner had HPV at the time you were together, you can be sure you were infected. You might even have been the source of her infection. Of course if she acquired it after your relationship ended, there was no risk.
2) If you had HPV a few months ago, you may or may not have it now. There is no way to know whether you were infected or, if so, whether or not it has cleared up. (All HPV infections eventually go away.) There probably is a small risk of transmission by mutual masturbation, but little or none from oral sex. All in all, the risk is low since you're not having intercourse. But nobody can say there is no chance.
You seem to have an inflated view of the risks and health problems associated with HPV. Almost every sexually active person gets infected with HPV at one time or another. Most infections remain asymptomatic in both men and women and infrequently lead to serious health problems. I recommend that you not let HPV or your possible past exposure interfere with developing a healthy and rewarding sex life with your new partner, whether now or when you marry.
Finally, for maximum safety, your partner can be vaccinated against the 4 most common HPV types, including the 2 types that cause 70% of cervical cancer. The vaccine (trade name Gardasil) is recommended for all women under age 26, regardless of their known risks for HPV or other STDs. Your partner should discuss it with her health care provider.
HHH, MD
Thanks so much for your information.
It helps to know that I may have been "over-worrying".
Will all strains of HPV show up on a pap smear or only the ones causing cervical cancer?
Pap smears pick up both low-risk and high-risk cervical HPV infections.